It Only Takes 11 Hours to Boil Water With a Wi-Fi Teakettle

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For generations, we have suffered through life with the unquantified teakettle. How could we tell if the kettle needed refilling? What temperature, exactly, was the water inside? And was there any way to tell if the water was boiling even if we weren’t the same room? (No, there was not.) We would wake up each morning, and, coming home every evening, our teakettles would not respond to our presence at all — sad nightmare that we all suffered through, cold and alone.

Luckily, there’s the Smarter iKettle 2.0, a Wi-Fi-enabled smart kettle that “allows you to remote boil via a smart device,” “features variable temperature control along with with wake up and welcome home modes,” and “let[s] you know when it is empty and prompts you to refill it.” Great!

Mark Rittman, a Brighton-based business-analytics expert, decided he was was ready to bring his teakettle online, as part of testing out a smart-home network on Hadoop (an open-source data-storage framework normally used in enterprise computing). And if a watched pot doesn’t boil, it turns out a teakettle that you need to integrate into your home Wi-Fi network really doesn’t boil.

Sadly, there will always be those who don’t understand that the iKettle 2.0 represents a glorious future.