Can You Figure Out What’s Happening in This Very British Bagel Video?

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Photo: dougiestew/Twitter

A horde of presumably drunk people on a night train in London has gifted us with some odd footage. As described by passenger Dougie Stew, there were “about 4 different story lines alllll at the same time… honestly like something straight out of black mirror.”

Please watch to the end. It is a very good and confounding video. Truly, humanity is a rich tapestry of diverse experiences, and the bagel-train fight video is but a mere thread.

So, what’s going on here? Two women are trying to fight each other on a train, and are being held back by a crowd that is successfully keeping them apart. At the same time, across the aisle, the women sitting behind the man in glasses are placing bagels on his head (according to one London resident I spoke with, they probably bought a ten-pack of bagels at Sainsbury’s to take on the final night train). The crowd begins chanting “on his head he’s got a bagel!” and the guy keeps standing up to throw his head-bagels out the window.

Because this was filmed in Snapchat, we only get the story in ten-second increments. It soon becomes clear that the guy is no longer taking the bagels in stride, and now he wants to fight someone. This inspires one of the women who was fighting before to try to restart her beef as well.

The fight spills out onto the train platform, and the footage ends with a stone-silent car being investigated by the police.

At its height, the British Empire controlled nearly one quarter of the world’s population and one quarter of its land mass.

Can You Figure Out What’s Happening on This Bagel Train?