Two Quick Questions About The Emoji Movie

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First: the trailer for The Emoji Movie.

So. I have a couple questions.

First question: Has anyone at Sony ever used emoji? I ask because when the hand and the yellow ball enter the “Loser Lounger, where the emoji that never get used hang out,” there’s an eggplant chilling inside. There are a bajillion emoji, and I’m not sure the eggplant qualifies as “Loser Lounge” material. In case you did not already know, the eggplant is shorthand for penis. I have never sexted in my life, and even I know that the eggplant is the ding-dong and the peach emoji is the booty. The implied message of The Emoji Movie is thus made clear: being horned up in the chat is for losers.

Second question: Do emoji have children? My colleague Nelson pointed out that this means that emoji have sex, which feels wrong. Maybe it’s some sort of asexual budding thing? I honestly don’t know. But it’s weird to see a poop-emoji dad with a poop-emoji child, and think to yourself, The poop emoji has sex. Hopefully, they will answer these important questions in future films, as they flesh out the Emoji Cinematic Universe.

Those are the only two questions I had while contemplating The Emoji Movie. Otherwise, it’s a completely accurate depiction of what goes on inside your phone, and I’ll be there on opening day.

Two Quick Questions About The Emoji Movie