Today’s Best Crime Story Is This Tale of a Fourth-Grade Underground Slime Ring

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For kids these days, nothing — nothing — is more important than slime. You know, slime: The bouncy, stretchy substance you can make at home with Elmer’s Glue and borax. (Maybe you remember it as Gak? This time, it’s slime.) For whatever reason, slime has taken off among adolescents, and whole Instagram accounts are devoted to videos of all varieties of slime in different colors and textures — all of it for sale, while you’re at it. Some young adults have become slime entrepreneurs, making the substance at home and slinging it to their classmates during the day.

But let’s say your school has banned the sale of slime. Where would you get it? Maybe try the bathroom. A teacher on Twitter recently narrated a sordid tale of slime-dealing in an elementary-school bathroom, featuring warring factions of slime peddlers and specialty slime. (He’s since deleted the Tweets, so we’ve removed them.)

It’s not clear how many millions of dollars this slime operation netted before someone narced, but I assume it was in the millions of dollars. The justice system has not yet established what the penalty is for dealing “fluffy” slime, but I’m guessing it’s a stern parent-teacher phone call. Maybe some extra reading.

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Fourth-Grade Slime Ring Busted in Bathroom