The Only Social-Media Rules You Need Are This Kid’s Guide to Roasting

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Photo: @noirgoddess_/Twitter

Properly roasting someone online is a tricky task. If you do it right — see here: @spookperson absolutely demolishing Roger Stone over a real doofy outfit — the results are delicious. Do it wrong, and you just wind up roasting yourself. In case you’re rusty on how to do it right, here’s a set of five simple rules from kids in a classroom in California to make sure you get maximum heat out of your roast. The rules, bound handily in a booklet entitled “The Roasting Book Rules 1-6” were shared on Twitter by the students’ teacher, @noirgoddess_.

We’ve transcribed the rules below, with some light editing for spelling and grammar.

Rule No. 1: Don’t roast somebody if you are ugly. Example: “Boy yo hairline look like a rainbow!” That’s a no-no if you don’t have a hairline.

Rule No. 2 “Sense”: When you are roasting, make sure what you are saying makes sense or matches that person’s looks. Don’t say, “Boy you look like a ummmmm.” No! I’ll roast you myself.

Rule No. 3 “Level Matching”: Don’t roast somebody that has the ability to put you on hush mode. Warning: Roast on your level. If you know you only have a few jokes or you know you are not that funny, don’t roast or try to roast the funniest person.

Rule No. 4 “Copying”: Don’t say the same thing the other person already said. You’re making yourself get roasted more than before. If you do that, your best bet is to walk away.

Rule No. 5 “Excuses”: Don’t make excuses about why you got roasted or roast on that person later behind their back. “That boy breath stink.” Also, don’t get mad and want to fight. Roasting is just a fun game, but also can be taken too far. “So don’t.”

Sadly, it seems we’ll never know what Rule No. 6 is, or what is contained in booklet No. 2, “Things to Say When Roasting.” I can only imagine it’s fire.

The Only Social Rules You Need Are This Kid’s Roasting Guide