people's choice

The Best Bidets on Amazon, According to Hyperenthusiastic Reviewers

Photo: Courtesy of Comedy Central.

Here at the Strategist, we like to think of ourselves as crazy (in the good way) about the stuff we buy, but as much as we’d like to, we can’t try everything. Which is why we have People’s Choice, in which we find the best-reviewed (that’s four-to-five-star reviews and lots of ’em) products and single out the most convincing ones.

We’ve handpicked a warmer for extra-snuggly, post-shower towels, a filtering shower head for movie star-caliber hair, and Korean bath mitts for effortless, spa-quality skin. Now, for a different kind of clean, we present the best bidets currently available on Amazon. (Note that reviews have been edited for length and clarity.)

Best easy-to-install mechanical bidet

Astor Bidet Fresh Water Spray Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet

“My booty-hole has never been cleaner. As with most Americans, I was hesitant at the thought of using a bidet, and out of ignorance, considered it more for female hygiene. Having never used a bidet before and seeing what it was capable of during my initial test, I was a little puckered at first. So I cranked it up a bit more, and POW! Bull’s-eye! I won’t lie, it was quite shocking at first and many questions ran through my head. The moment of truth; I plucked a section of toilet paper and gave a little wipe. The TP disintegrated. Swell … I then realized a pat-dry was in order. After that, the test came and I passed with flying colors. I also felt a level of freshness I had not felt prior to this method.”

Best affordable mechanical bidet

Greenco Bidet Fresh Water Spray Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet

“The human butt didn’t evolve to be rubbed with processed wood pulp. I have yet to decide if I’m going to get one with heated water, drying features, or that comes with a seat. But by spending a small amount, I confirmed that I need a bidet for every bathroom. This is ideal as your ‘first experimental bidet.’ It’s easy to install, and unlike others in this price range, the nozzle can be adjusted. (I’m definitely going to want that in whatever I buy in the future.) Buy this.”

Best mechanical bidet with self-cleaning nozzle

Luxe Bidet Neo 120 — Self-Cleaning Nozzle — Fresh Water Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet

“Speaking as a hirsute gentleman, the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 has soured me on pooping in bidet-less toilets forever. It’s shown me the difference between rubbing peanut butter out of shag carpeting with a paper towel, and that sparkling-clean feeling you get right when you step out of the shower. The easy-to-control flow valve allows you to provide just the right amount of water pressure for a full range of cleaning, from ‘gentle trickling stream’ to ‘full-on Silkwood decontamination.’ Even flushable wet wipes pale in comparison.”

Best mechanical bidet with self-cleaning dual nozzles

BioBidet Elite3 Dual Nozzle Fresh Water Spray Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet

“I was very skeptical about them and didn’t think they were even sanitary until I saw this product in my cousin’s house. Now, I’m hooked! I can’t imagine doing my business any other way. My biggest fear I guess was water splashing up from the bowl back up to my undercarriage. This company has cleverly designed their product not to do that. My second fear was that the water stream would be too weak to effectively clean. Let me tell you folks … this thing on halfway power feels like a power washer being aimed perfectly where it needs to go. I’m sold. I’m a believer. I bought three. Ladies, there is a feminine nozzle too so that way it cleans you after No. 1.”

Best mechanical bidet that blends with the toilet

GenieBidet Rear & Feminine Ultra Thin Toilet Attachment With Self Cleaning Dual Nozzles

“The GenieBidet has a really lovely design. It’s very subtle, beautifully modern, and sort of ‘disappears’ when you mount it on the toilet — you seriously don’t notice it’s there. The Genie installed in ten minutes, and worked instantly. It will change your life. I never thought there was something out there that would change the way I view one of the most basic of human functions, but here I am, and I will never look back. I’m sold for life.”

Best Washlet bidet

Bio Bidet Ultimate BB-600 Elongated Advanced Bidet Toilet Seat

“After a recent week stay in Kyoto, I found myself wondering why we didn’t have one. This does it all, at half the cost of the Toto brand seat which was in our Airbnb house. Seat warmer, pulse, massage, etc. (though it does not play a little song – and I’m okay with that). It’s truly wonderful, and I will never live without one again. Everything needed for installation was in the box
except some Teflon tape to assure the threaded connections were watertight. All in all, this is simply civilized, and you’ll thank yourself daily for having purchased and installed it.”

Best feature-filled Washlet bidet

Toto SW2034#01 C100 Washlet Electronic Bidet Toilet Seat With PreMist

“You feel so clean after using the Washlet. This model allows you to determine warmth-level for the wash, the seat, and the dryer. Yes, it has a blow-dryer. You can also adjust the water pressure. You can use a button to wash the gadget that washes you. Also, as soon as you sit, water is sprayed around the inside of the toilet, so nothing ‘sticks’ to it, which is very nice. And the whole thing is very quiet. For the price, I was very impressed with the feature and how well it works.”

Best hose-style bidet

SmarterFresh Handheld Bidet Sprayer

“Considering the humble purpose of this product, it seems odd to say I love it — but I really kinda do. For one, it does what it is supposed to do extremely well. It is light and compact, making it easy to point and maneuver, and the lever doesn’t require a lot of hand strength. The water stream is comfortable, but cleans very thoroughly. I was introduced to hand sprayers for toilet use while living in Sri Lanka. This one has given by far the best user experience. It is also the best-looking, as the brushed stainless finish is more attractive than chrome or plastic.”

Best portable bidet

BioBidet’s the Palm Handheld Personal Bidet

“Perfect size, fits nicely in the hand, and actually holds more water than you’d think. You do have to use it over the toilet, and don’t turn it upside down until you’re seated — water tends to spray everywhere if you’re not careful. But what a great idea, especially for camping, where hot water and showers aren’t always convenient. There’s no marking on the bottle, so it doesn’t call attention to itself. And the little drawstring bag is a great cover-up.”

Best sink-attached bidet

SmarterFresh Faucet Sprayer Warm Water Bidet

“I am in love with this sprayer and have been telling everyone about it! I’m loving using this as a warm-water bidet and will be using it to clean our cloth diapers once our little one arrives. This sprayer feels like it is made very well, a luxury item. Solid metal! The hose is long enough to go from my sink to my tub, so this may be used to clean our kiddos, too!”

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The Best Bidets, According to Amazon Reviews