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38 (Funny, Unusual, Artful, Tasteful) Valentines You Can Buy on Amazon

No matter what your (or your partner’s) vibe is. Photo: Courtesy Retailers

No matter what gift you give for Valentine’s Day, a card should accompany it — and instead of something you can grab at a drugstore, why not elevate with something a little more special? (No offense intended, but we’ve banned anything from Hallmark or American Greetings from this list.) Amazon has a surprising bounty of Valentine’s Day cards, whether you’re looking for something tasteful or artsy or slightly naughty — and they’re so cheap, you can afford to toss a few in your basket and pass them out to friends, friends’ kids, or that nice receptionist, Mildred. With that, here are 38 of our favorite funny, punny, crafty, kid-friendly, and even retro Valentine’s cards for pretty much everyone.

Funny and Punny Valentines

Lick Me Till Ice Cream!
$4 at Amazon

The old “ice cream/I scream” pun does it every time.

Pizza Love Card
$5 at Amazon

Sweet for couples whose idea of a romantic evening is a large pepperoni.

Woman Goosing Husband Card
$3 at Amazon

A cute sentiment — flirting while doing chores into our golden years! — for a couple of any age.

You Otter Be With Me Card
$14 at Amazon

These are made of wood, so they’re on the pricier side, but the illustrations and puns are worth it. (There’s also “I Whale Love You” and “I Love You a Whole Latte.”)

Drama Llama Postcard Book — Set of 12
$12 at Amazon

This book of postcards has plenty of puns for every type of valentine, including your “palentine,” all illustrated with adorable llamas.

Llama and Cactus Boho Buddies Valentine Variety Pack
$8 at Amazon

If you want llamas with a bit more edge, there are also these postcards, which feature a combination of cactus puns and llama puns and sometimes llama-cactus puns.

Funny Anniversary Card
$7 at Amazon

You can also celebrate the fact that you and your partner still actually enjoy each other’s company.

Crafty Valentines

PopLife Flower Bouquet & Vase Pop Up Card
$13 at Amazon

The paper bouquet on this card doesn’t give you much room to write, but the intricately designed flowers should do most of the talking anyway.

Lovepop Lovers in Dogwood Tree Pink Valentine’s Day Card
$13 at Amazon

A delicate scene of a couple under cut-out dogwood blossoms.

Hunger Handmade 3D Pop-up Rose Flower Card
$10 at Amazon

No matter how long your relationship lasts, this paper pop-up rose will certainly never lose its bloom.

Lovepop Love Toaster Valentine’s Day Pop-up Card
$13 at Amazon

For something less literal, here’s a pop-up Valentine’s Day card featuring two slices of bread popping out of a toaster.

Love Greeting Cards — High End Handmade Wooden Card
$13 at Amazon

This hand-carved wooden card has a nice heft to it, if you’re looking for a card that’s going to be easy to display.

Unusual Valentines

Bloomin Mini Pink Heart-Shaped Seed Card
$14 at Amazon

Flower seeds are packed in a thin layer of compostable paper — put them in some dirt and watch the plants sprout.

DIY Recordable I Love You Card
$17 at Amazon

Record up to 90 seconds of yourself saying “I love you” to your partner — or of Whitney Houston from a computer speaker.

Jumbo Bear Card
$36 at Amazon

This giant bear card is two feet by three feet (check the price) and would be the ideal accompaniment to a Valentine’s Day gift of, say, a convertible.

Valentines Meant for Kids (But Great for Adults)

Flying Airplane Valentines
$15 at Amazon

What adult man (or woman, for that matter) wouldn’t want to turn a valentine into an airplane?

Valentines Cards for Kids: A Creative Valentine Card Exchange Coloring Book
$9 at Amazon

This kids’ coloring book is therapeutic way for adults to make personalized cards, too.

Scratch & Sniff Strawberry Valentines
$13 at Amazon

Strawberry-scented scratch-and-sniff cards will bring ‘em back to elementary school.

Peaceable Kingdom Scratch and Sniff Kitten Valentines - 28 Strawberry Scented Card Pack
$6 at Amazon

There are also these strawberry-scented cat cards.

Hello Kitty Valentines With Glitter Tattoos
$4 at Amazon

These Hello Kitty valentines include glitter temporary tattoos for both kids and hipsters alike.

Unomor Valentine’s Day Cards for Kids
$13 at Amazon

Whether you love someone a latte or just want to wish them a yummy Valentine’s Day.

Peaceable Kingdom Funny Valentine 28-Card Super Packs, in Cootie Catcher
$13 at Amazon

These cootie catchers are DIY valentines, fortune tellers, and if nothing else, a way to spark a conversation.

Valentine Cards — 12-Pack
$11 at Amazon

Even though you can’t give them Sweethearts, the candy, this year, you can give them cards with Sweethearts on them.

Wonka Lik-m-aid Fun Dip Valentine Mystery Flavor 24 Card Pouches
$14 at Amazon

Or you could just give out candy.

Scratch-off Valentines Day Cards - Pack of 24
$9 at Amazon

These scratch-off Valentine’s cards can be personalized, so everyone can feel like they’re winning the lottery.

Dino-Mite Eraser Valentine Cards
$23 at Amazon

For classrooms that have banned candy or chocolates because of allergies, you could give these prehistoric-themed Valentines cards, with dinosaur erasers …

Unicorn Valentine’s Day Cards with Temporary Tattoos and Envelopes - 32 Pack
$10 at Amazon

… while these unicorn valentines come with glittery tattoos.

Retro and Vintage Valentines

15 Vintage Valentines: A Valentine for Everyone
$11 at Amazon

Retro valentines from the ’50s and ’60s repurposed for today are way too adorable.

Sustainable Greetings 36-Pack Vintage Floral Designed Valentines Day Cards
$12 at Amazon

Some retro designs and some excellent puns make these vintage-inspired cards feel extra cheeky.

Vintage Valentines (Press Out Book)
$5 at Amazon

You can punch out these mini-valentine cards from the pages of this book from Golden Books (which you might know as the publisher of The Poky Little Puppy).

Victorian Valentines: Postcard Book
$10 at Amazon

Send a Victorian postcard to your Brontë-obsessed valentine.

M2381VDG-B1x10 All Decked Out: 10 Assorted Valentine’s Day Cards
$10 at Amazon

This set of Valentine’s Day cards is inspired by vintage playing cards.

Lucca Paperworks Anatomical Heart Love Card
$7 at Amazon

For the valentine who takes hearts literally.

Blank Inside Valentines

Crane & Co. Ecru Notes
$18 at Amazon

If you’re of the mind that the only note to be given should be on clean, heavy-stock, ecru paper, trust these from Crane & Co.

Graphique Paper Airplane Boxed Notecards
$11 at Amazon

Instead of throwing a paper airplane and hoping it gets to them, you can write a sweet note on this paper airplane-themed stationary and send it via the United States Postal Service.

Love Note Cards
$13 for 24 at Amazon

These aren’t strictly valentines-themed, but who wouldn’t love charming renderings of elephants, owls, and cupcakes adorned with hearts?

Valentine Floral Heart Note Cards by Rifle Paper Co. — Set of 8 Cards
$18 at Amazon

Perfect for friends, this blank card gets the sentiment across without being cloying about the whole thing.

Women in Love Greeting Cards
$3 at Amazon

Because why should greeting cards be strictly for men and women?

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38 Funny and Unusual Valentines You Can Buy on Amazon