The Grub Street Diet

"On this night, I make a nearly fatal mistake. I forget to put cornmeal on the pizza peel, which allows the pizza to slide smoothly off the long-handled peel and into the oven."

"I'm very happy to be told what to eat."

"We have a morbidly obese dachshund named Daisy, who also shares in our culinary delights. Unlike my kids, she likes all of my food."

"All of the food gets eaten as if it is the first time food has ever existed."

"I can’t give up sugar! Absolutely no way!"

"If you ever come across a bottle of Virgil’s Special Edition Bavarian Nutmeg Root Beer, buy it and hoard it."

"We went next door to Sweet Chick and did the chicken and waffles at about 11:45 p.m., and I feel great about that."

"Our food editor surprises us with a lunch of asparagus, morels, and ramp toast with crème fraîche ... He says he's cleaning the fridge. I say he's saving my soul."

"We don't have fries at the restaurant because I would be fat."

"Then Violet and I had a dance party and gave ourselves belly aches because we danced our butts off."

"I ate some more perfectly ripe, warm strawberries from the front garden. I never got over the thrill."

"Wow. This was an incredible breakfast."

"It's good for you — at least that's what I tell myself when I'm drinking it."

"Warning: I'm disgusting."

"I'm trying to learn how to cook, especially because this is my off-season right now."

"Someone tells me it's some kind of quinoa burger. I eat it, and I guess it had quinoa in it, but I really have no idea."

"I don't particularly approve of muffins."

"We also had key-lime doughnuts for dessert, which came with a key-lime coconut pudding on the side."

"How to cook it? Who does it best? Should I brine it? Do I have the right seasoning?"

"I Instagram it, too, because that's what I do."