The Grub Street Diet

"We had the kind of dinner party where you gather all the folks you’ve been meaning to get together with in one room and just add alcohol."

"If I could eat like this all the time, not only would I be morbidly obese, but I'd also be a very happy man."

"I am constantly drinking the most cheap-ass powdered-iced-tea mix. It keeps me going."

"I’ve conveniently convinced myself that bacon makes me a better actor."

"I feel like I eat like a college student."

"To me, food is just an endless source of happiness."

"Coffee and sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them."

"I eat one palmier, and then I think I eat at least a couple more."

"To me, the best beef tendon is braised so long that it has the characteristics of a hot Haribo gummy bear — jiggly, chewy, and dense at the same time."

"We put the syrup on the radiator while we prepped everything else, so it would be warm in time."

"They are finding their way into my stomach without me even trying."

"There are a lot of ways to break a croissant down, and I judge it without mercy."

"In my imagination I eat pretty well, but I wonder if logging it will make me realize how deluded I am."

"This was my first time trying Animal's legendary poutine."

"Pizza is a great uniter, like the Statue of Liberty. It accepts all."

"Never order red wine at sports bars. Just don't."

"I hate fighting for a table. I hate the noise. So Chipotle it is."

"You can tell I veer wildly between two extremes."

"I feel like I’m an old retired cop, like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon. I'm sipping my black coffee, and I'm just like, 'Uh yeah, that's good.'"

"We’d have beef tacos in a hard shell growing up, so I really didn't understand the whole taco movement."