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Alan Cumming

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J.Lo and Marc Anthony’s Problems Continue

The couple had trouble getting into one of the inaugural balls last night. Also, Sheryl Crow had an awkward interaction with an ex, and Russell Simmons got caught stealing!

By Tim Murphy

Our Night at the Oscars*

CummingIzzard
So last night New York Magazine threw its annual Oscar party at the Spotted Pig, and even though everyone had promised themselves they would act professionally and not drink too much, by the time Best Picture was announced, Chris was in the corner stroking Alan Cumming's beard and Jessica was wondering if it would be okay to ask Dave Zinczenko if she could touch his abs. Or the abs of Dan Abrams and Bill Hemmer, who were (as always) hanging out with him. Really, any abs would do. Happily, our man Darrell Hartman was there asking the important questions. "So, have you ever drunk anyone's milkshake?" he asked stylist Kate Schelter. "I've shared a milkshake," she replied dubiously. Diane Neal from Law & Order drifted by, looking judicious. "Julian Schnabel has been going to events in pajamas," Darrell said, importantly. "What do you think about that?" Diane replied that she had been wearing pajamas until moments before arriving at the event. "I have the onesie footie pajamas, but they do not have the button on the anus," she said. "I gotta say, the only problem is when you have to go to the bathroom. It gets pretty cold, because you have to take everything off."

Alan Cumming Got a Whole New Face!

Alan Cumming
When last we saw Alan Cumming, he was as nubile and smooth and hairless as, well, Alan Cumming usually is. Which is why we were shocked to see this photo of him backstage at Cynthia Rowley last night. Would he be playing the aged protagonist in some supersecret sequel to the Harry Potter movies? OMG, was Harry Potter going to grow up gay like Dumbledore? Google: No! Cumming grew the beard for his role as Boris in Chekhov's The Seagull at the Classic Stage Company. "I've been putting conditioner in it," he told the AP. "It's finally past the scratchy phase." All the better to tickle theater critics with, then. Alan Cumming At G-Star [AP] Related: Plimpton's Cute, Posey's Ragged, and Price Is Scared [The Cut]

Plimpton's Cute, Posey's Ragged, and Price's Scared

It's not often that we completely geek out for a celebrity, but when it happens, it's generally only because we bump into someone from an Aaron Spelling drama and become embarrassingly unable to contain ourselves (like when we saw Nat From the Peach Pit at our grocery store and called out to him in the parking lot, which is practically against the law in California). Tragically, after a bottle of complimentary Prosecco at Cynthia Rowley's show on Thursday, one such moment occurred in which our cool vanished like the Great Wall of China under David Copperfield's mischievous hand.

Cumming Sprays Everyone at Le Royale

Cumming
Heath Ledger allegedly did so much coke and heroin that Michelle Williams kicked him out of their Brooklyn home. (His publicist denies that he opted not to check into rehab.) Farrah Fawcett got $500,000 for allowing The Insider to videotape her chemotherapy. Alan Cumming ripped the disco ball off the roof at Le Royale, and then sprayed partygoers with Champagne.

Alan Cumming, Reporter

Cumming
We know Alan Cumming has had sex with journalists. But would he ever like to try being a journalist, like Naomi Campbell, who recently interviewed Hugo Chavez for British GQ? "I'd love to ask certain questions to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama," he said at the launch of the Italian Commission's Made in Italy ad campaign at the Hearst tower. "I'd like to know where they stand on equal rights for gay people. I'd also like to interview George Bush, just to watch him squirm." (Maybe he could ask him, "You're into your cock, aren't you?") But what about the people who really matter?, we pressed. Which celebrities would he like to interview? "I'd like to find out who all those blonde girls are — there's a whole lot of them who look the same, the ones from The Hills, and that Hayden, um, Pan-i-tare? She's everywhere," he said. "And who's that one, that Kim Ka-shi-shen?" Kardashian? We said. The one who made a sex tape with Brandy's brother and now has a TV show? "Yes! My friend told me she's a skanky whore, and I'm like, 'Wow, she's a lot more interesting than I thought she was.'" Like any ambitious reporter, Cumming would like to land the big story. "I'd love to interview Britney," he said wistfully. Then he changed his mind. "But I'd rather her do it with one of those E! TV people, or Oprah." That's it, Alan Cumming will take care of Hillary and Barack. Let the professionals handle Britney. —Amy Preiser

New Year’s Resolutions for the Best New Yorkers

Schnabel
Recently, we were watching John Waters's 1998 movie Pecker, which starred all kinds of great people like Martha Plimpton and Lily Taylor and Edward Furlong, before he got weird and started getting arrested and dating his manager. Anyway, as in all John Waters movies, there were about five really brilliantly funny parts in it, one of which was a game the characters played called "Shopping for Others," in which they'd go to the supermarket and sneak things into the shopping carts of fellow shoppers when they weren't looking. (Like a long phallic gourd in the cart of a mousy single woman or a stack of Depends for a smarmy dude in tight jeans, etc.) Anyway, we got to thinking: How about if, this year, we make New Year's resolutions for others? We've never made New Year's resolutions ourselves — it's weird, every year New Year's Eve rolls around, and we realize we're still kind of perfect! — but we've always felt we were missing out on that great American tradition. Not to mention, frankly, there are people that could use our assistance. So. To celebrate the great New Yorkers who make this blog possible and to help them continue their gloriousness into 2008, we've generously ginned up some resolutions for their benefit.