Since we wrote last week about comedian Artie Lange's jaw-dropping blowup at his assistant on Howard Stern's Sirius radio show, the Internet's been abuzz with speculation as to what will happen when the show returns from vacation on Monday.
Bruce Willis yelled, "I've abandoned my son!" four times while dining at Freemans with an exotic dancer the other night, then did shots with the bartender. Mick Jagger, Q-Tip, and Leonardo DiCaprio were all hanging out at Upstairs on Monday night. Kathleen Turner's Crimes of the Heart castmates can't tell if she's drunk or just tired. The Observer's Spencer Morgan "bitch slapped" Men's Vogue writer Hudson Morgan at the Beatrice Inn, but they made up soon after. Matthew McConaughey's chest is at the top of In Touch Weekly's list of Top Ten hot chests. Jason Bateman and Ricky Schroder are not working on a screenplay of Silver Spoons, although that would be awesome.
Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker got into a fight on the platform of the downtown C/E train at 23rd Street. Alpha Media head Kent Brownridge married Hearst publicity head Alexandra Carlin at the Gordon Ramsay restaurant. Artie Lange tried unsuccessfully to get four Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to disrobe on the Howard Stern show. A lot of foodies showed up at the preview of Alain Ducasse's wine-themed restaurant, Adour, in the St. Regis. Bruce Springsteen waited a half hour for a lunch table at the Turning Point in Long Branch. Cindy Adams says Heath Ledger once tried to avoid her by saying, "You people from the press are not nice to me," but that he smiled while saying it. Liz Smith approves of the fact that Jenna Bush is getting married in Crawford, Texas, and not the White House.
Mario Batali looked bigger than life last night, as he sat in a carved wooden throne taking punches from speaker after speaker at his celebrity roast at Capitale. The event, which benefited the Food Bank of New York, was simultaneously tame and vulgar: Every imaginable anatomical insult was made, but there was barely a mention of Super Mario's actual partying practices, which are legendary in restaurant circles. Rachael Ray and Rocco DiSpirito, neither of whom were present, took far worse abuse.
Still, the roasters, who ranged from Sarah Silverman and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to Anthony Bourdain, got the merry pasta mogul pretty good.