In today's "Page Six," Lance Armstrong breaks his silence over his alleged Ashley Olsen romance, and tells the tabloid that "Ashley Olsen and I are strictly friends. We have hung out amongst other friends, and she strikes me as a nice, smart lady." [Ed. note: Wait, Lance uses the word "amongst"?] The column also says that Lance's ex, Sheryl Crow, is "hitting back at a Life & Style report about her supposedly being upset over Armstrong's relationship with Olsen." So she wasn't at all hitting back at "Page Six," who reprinted the Life & Style item yesterday with the headline "JUST TOO YOUNG"? It should be noted that she's probably also hitting back at Daily Intel, because we linked to the "Page Six" story, too. But that's because we are completely obsessed with the idea of Lance and Ashley together, and its awkward, lovely, skinny spectacle will still burn in our hearts. At least, until Mary-Kate starts dating Barry Bonds. Which we expect any minute now.
Lance Responds [NYP]
Earlier:Daily Intel's brief, beautiful coverage of Asstrong
Sheryl Crow thinks it's "pathetic" that Lance Armstrong is dating Ashley Olsen. Paris Hilton has been frequenting New York hot spots very late at night (or, rather, early in the morning). Donald Trump Jr. is suing the board members of his West Side condo for kicking him off. Jon Corzine's ex, 48-year-old Carla Katz, is dating a 32-year-old American soldier and former model. Torch, a new club slated to open tonight, is scrambling to get Tiki Barber and 800 other invitees not to show up because the plumbing isn't ready. A guy on the subway once told Matthew Broderick that he looked and sounded exactly like Matthew Broderick.
When most kids bring something in for Show-and-Tell, it's something from their home. A pet, perhaps, or a rock collection. Something that's in their house and part of their regular life, that other people might not know about. Also, usually it's small and portable. So it's no surprise that when it came to 6-year-old little Isabella (daughter of Lance) Armstrong's turn to do Show-and-Tell, she decided to bring in Ashley Olsen. Radar reports that the little girl toted in daddy's new special friend. "Celebrities do this all the time," Radar's spy explained — and it's true! Lance himself was once a Show-and-Tell item for his ex-girlfriend Tory Burch's young son in New York. Now, to be completely fair, according to Radar, the story might not be completely accurate. It may have been Isabella's twin sister Grace who brought in the former Full House star. (Wait. They're twins, and the Olsens are twins. Showtime synergy!). Since Radar doesn't provide much more information, we've imagined what little Isabella's introduction would be like.
Okay, so we know it's totally possible that "Page Six" has been exaggerating the crap out of this Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen relationship. Like, we heard from an eyewitness that they weren't actually making out at Rose Bar the other night, they were just whispering. But anyway, they were spotted again at Waverly Inn on Tuesday, so maybe there's something to it. For our own amusement, we tried to imagine the conversation they had over delicious chicken pot pie at the trendy restaurant:
Lance: You know, I've been a fan of yours since Full House.
Ashley: Aw, thanks. That's so sweet. I was so fat then!
Lance: I thought you were adorable. I watch the reruns with my kids. You really pulled off all of those matching baby jumpers! I never dreamed I'd get to actually make out with you.
Ashley: I get that a lot. I really admire what you did with, you know, your ball cancer. You took lemons and made them into lemonade..