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Bill Hemmer

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Our Night at the Oscars*

So last night New York Magazine threw its annual Oscar party at the Spotted Pig, and even though everyone had promised themselves they would act professionally and not drink too much, by the time Best Picture was announced, Chris was in the corner stroking Alan Cumming's beard and Jessica was wondering if it would be okay to ask Dave Zinczenko if she could touch his abs. Or the abs of Dan Abrams and Bill Hemmer, who were (as always) hanging out with him. Really, any abs would do. Happily, our man Darrell Hartman was there asking the important questions. "So, have you ever drunk anyone's milkshake?" he asked stylist Kate Schelter. "I've shared a milkshake," she replied dubiously. Diane Neal from Law & Order drifted by, looking judicious. "Julian Schnabel has been going to events in pajamas," Darrell said, importantly. "What do you think about that?" Diane replied that she had been wearing pajamas until moments before arriving at the event. "I have the onesie footie pajamas, but they do not have the button on the anus," she said. "I gotta say, the only problem is when you have to go to the bathroom. It gets pretty cold, because you have to take everything off."

Hollywood Agent Exaggerates!

A former colleague of Hollywood superagent (and Ari Gold inspiration) Ari Emanuel says he intentionally threw tantrums when talking to Entourage producer Doug Ellin so they'd make it into the show's script. Donna Hogan plans to make over her appearance — plastic surgery and all — so that she looks just like sister Anna Nicole Smith. NBC's Campbell Brown may take Paula Zahn's spot at CNN if she leaves. Jason Binn's wife is pregnant. Dina Lohan denies saying she ever called herself the "White Oprah," except that she did. Patti Smith is covering the Doors' "Soul Kitchen" because a sanitation truck that almost ran her over was playing that song. Emma Thompson pissed off Will Smith when she pulled out a lit cigarette at the Waverly Inn. Fox News anchor Bill Hemmer is an investor in a lounge in Sag Harbor.