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Happy Fashion Week: Crappy Weather, Crappy Economy

Good morning! Are you ready for the first official day of Fashion Week? Let's start with the weather forecast: We're due for rain — no, wait, it's positively biblical out already, so put those open-toed satin pumps back on the shoe rack. Don't bother straightening your hair. And make sure you've found your big umbrella (it's by your air conditioner) with the extra-wide span to reduce sog and maximize chic. Yes, it's a nuisance, but it's a handy weapon for any bitch who tries to edge in on your seat. Just be sure to keep it close at your side and not sticking out on the runway, for the models are fragile … and the only ones who can fit into the clothes we need to see over the next seven days.