Chuck Schumer Has Seen the Promised Land!
Norman Mailer still hates Michiko Kakutani, dislikes Janet Maslin, too, and did an interview with Martha Stewart for her TV show. CNN execs went on a corporate retreat to the Bahamas, and "Page Six," presumably on behalf of Fox News, mocks them for it. If you complain at Nobu, Drew Nieporent might blacklist you. Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley's soon-to-be ex-husband, went grocery shopping. (Cindy Adams, meantime, dubs Brinkley Professor Emeritus in How to Handle El Piggo, which she actually means as a compliment.) Retired Ford Models vet Neil Hamil to run Elite Models. There's a reality show being shopped in which ten virgin men compete to lose it to "a celeb."
Sean Combs threw a hissy fit when he wasn't allowed into CAA's post–Golden Globes party, may have gotten himself banned from Sunset Tower. Lindsay Lohan may have hit the bottle, and then hit rehab, after being rebuffed by James Franco. Paris Hilton's left eyelid is droopy because she once had surgery to raise her lids, and it's getting worse because she continues to wear tinted contact lenses. (We can't believe we just typed that.) British chef Marco Pierre White claims the New York Times once hired a private eye to dig up dirt on him in an unsuccessful attempt to prove he had a booze and drug problem. Hillary Clinton to throw a book party for Chuck Schumer at his favorite Chinese restaurant on Capitol Hill.
Sean Penn wants Bush and Cheney to be impeached, he said while accepting an award at a Creative Coalition dinner. Josh Hartnett may have been texting could-be girlfriend Scarlett Johansson from a movie screening. Sharon Elghanayan, girlfriend of Jon Corzine, wants to marry the New Jersey governor, but he's not biting. Fabiola Beracasa gave her boyfriend and her fellow socialites a little strip show at a Lower East Side club on Saturday. Reese Witherspoon and her kids moved to Charleston, South Carolina, where they attend public school. (The kids, not Reese.) Diane Kruger and boyfriend Joshua Jackson (yes, Pacey from Dawson's Creek) hung out in Dubai. Fat Joe spent $20K over three nights on strippers and booze at Sin City near Yankee Stadium. Canadian heiress Lisa Belberg says she and Harold Ford Jr. are "great friends" not "boyfriend and girlfriend." Mayor Bloomberg, Senators Clinton and Schumer, Eliot Spitzer, and others schmooze the media tonight at the New York Press Club's holiday party. Oprah, Jude Law, Damon Dash, and others are turning their humanitarian efforts to South Africa. Former Miami club king and Madonna pal Chris Paciello is out of jail after eight years and back on the town. Barnard alum Joan Rivers instructed fellow graduates to "go through your husband's wallet and give everything in it" to the school. Nas claims he was drunk on Hennessy during many of his early recording sessions. Lewis Black admired a painting of a naked woman. Mischa Barton drank a beer in Hoboken.
Bob Dylan claims that upcoming Edie Sedgwick biopic Factory Girl falsely portrays him as the cause of Sedgwick's suicide, threatens to sue unless he is allowed to see the film before it is released. Chuck Schumer wrote a book. An employee of Wyclef Jean was kidnapped in Haiti and held for ransom; he was released for free. An L.A. Times reporter scored an "exclusive" interview with Martin Scorsese, featuring quotes that are actually two years old. Popular Greenwich Village drinking hole Boxers lost its lease, is shuttering. Jean-Georges Vongerichten's restaurant partner, Phil Suarez, put on quite the culinary show at an apartment party he threw. Access Hollywood host Billy Bush might be leaving L.A. for the Today show here. Tom Brokaw made an "insensitive" joke about public housing that doesn't really seem to be that offensive. Uma Thurman was bailed out of a stuck elevator by her buff bodyguard. Marc Jacobs and Jason Preston are officially broken up, according to Jacobs. The high-octane friendship between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears is over, because the latter was told to stay away from the former if she ever wants to make a comeback. Nancy Sinatra celebrated what would have been her father's 91st birthday at his favorite restaurant, Patsy's. Peter Boyle's greatest regret was not taking the role of Popeye Doyle in The French Connection. Mariah Carey is pitching a "lifestyle-type book-cum-pseudo memoir." Let Meryl Streep eat steak!
Wherein we consider what's really going on in news photos. This one, from the front page of today's Times "Metro" section:
Worst Roommate Ever
The GOP Is Serious About Impeaching P.A. Judges for Reversing Their Gerrymander
Queer Eye on Queer Eye: The Case For and Against Antoni Porowski
Maybe Fergie’s National Anthem Performance Was Actually Good
Does Michael B. Jordan Have to Keep Buying Sweaters Because His Arms Destroy Each One?
Every Brutal Marco Rubio Exchange From the CNN Town Hall on Gun Violence
We Asked a Gynecologist About That Ice-Cream Scene in Fifty Shades Freed
The Poison We Pick
‘Drunk Woman’ at BRIT Awards Turns Out to be Haim Sister
Why Did Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux Break Up?