Which is embarrassing.
Spencer tells us tales of crystals and feathers, while Kristin tries to get to the bottom of the rumors about her drug use.
And disturbs and fascinates and frightens and saddens.
Also, Heidi's plastic surgery prevents her from eating comfortably.
Editor-in-chief Amy Astley said the magazine has a "new TV show that we're developing."
Also, a man was arrested for trying to sell a stuffed Bengal tiger from an Alexander McQueen shoot.
And Bare Escentuals is going to launch another fragrance, this one inspired by Santa Barbara, California.
It's the finale, which means it's time to wrap everything up. Amazing how that works on a reality show.
This week features more contrived pregnancy drama, and also a very special lesbian kiss. What took them so long?
This week, Heidi learns that deception is the key to a happy, 'Hills'-worthy marriage.
Heidi Morgan and Spencer Pratt "write" about perhaps the only thing they know.
Not necessarily in the same scene, mind you.
Kristin and Audrina finally have it out over Justin Bobby — the guy's such a catch, you know.
Brody gets drunk and mean, Jayde gets drunk and cries, Holly gets drunk and dances.
Why MTV thinks this is an appropriate venue for Heidi and Spencer — of all people — to deal with Holly's drinking problem, we'll never know.
How can such a mediocre show sound so unreasonably dirty?
He wore a necklace made of crystals to protect himself from evil (us?).