The Story of the Cab Baby: ‘Juno’ It Ain’tBefore the events of this weekend, the cab-baby story had enough feel-good components going for it to overshadow the underlying depressing fact that a father had abandoned his helpless baby in the back of a livery cab. You had the hero cab driver, Klever Sailema, a good Samaritan who secured the girl’s safety by driving her to the local Fire Department. You had the flood of calls from people willing to adopt the baby girl, “Lourdes,” as she was christened. (Take note, orphans: If you want to get adopted, get yourself on the news. It’s gold.) And you had photos of the cute little girl in the pink bows, who we all hoped would be reclaimed by a loving family and grow up happy and occasionally do interviews with Diane Sawyer about her ordeal. That can still happen, but on Saturday, the sad truth brought the normally cynical, hard-hearted city back to harsh reality.
Diane Sawyer Forgets to Ask Katie Holmes About the HubbaspermDiane Sawyer interviewed Katie Holmes on Good Morning America yet neglected to ask her about the rumor that she was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard’s sperm. New York Giants Plaxico Burress, Antonio Pierce, and Ruben Droughns went to Home nightclub in Manhattan after flying back from Dallas and ordered $1,000 of Bacardi, vodka, and Champagne, but forgot to tip their waitress. Waiters at Brasserie 44 in the Royalton Hotel thought they discovered Frank Bruni’s notebook, but it turned out to belong to someone else (and they slipped in some Bruni ass-kissing to boot!). Jil Scott picked up a male model at an Allure fashion shoot and took him to Nobu. Keith Olbermann’s quote to Playboy that “Fox News is worse than Al-Qaeda” did not go over well with many of the magazine’s readers.
Morning Shows Go Nuts for Iowan Family, Cause Them to Hightail It Back to IowaYou can imagine Jane Hambleton was pissed when she found booze under the front seat of her son Steven’s car, and grounding did not seem like enough of a punishment. “I’ll show that little bugger who’s boss,” she said to herself. And she put an ad in the local paper, the Iowa Register:
OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.
Well! She thought she would get a response but didn’t think it would be from all the way in New York! First, Good Morning America flew the family out to appear on the show. Then Jane got a call from Today — apparently they were so charmed by the Hambletons, they were going to break their hard and fast don’t–touch–it–if–it’s–been–breathed–on–by–Diane Sawyer rule. But then Oprah called, and she wanted exclusivity. Then Ellen called, and she wanted exclusivity. Everyone wanted a piece of the Hambletons! What would they do? They threw up their hands. “These people are crazy!” they said to themselves. “Let’s go back to Iowa to figure it out. Things are simpler there.”
‘Meanest Mom’ Sells Son’s Car, Family Gets Quite a Ride [WP]
The Fug Girls: A Report Card for 2007’s Lawless LadiesWe were delighted by Tuesday’s news that Paris Hilton’s first major humanitarian effort involved encouraging people to stop making alcohol available to a roving gang of binge-drinking elephants in India. Given Paris’s countless inarticulate, heavy-lidded avowals that she would devote her post-prison life to charitable work, it seemed poetic than one of Hollywood’s most visible drunk party animals would gravitate to staging an intervention for actual drunk animals. Tragically, her publicist debunked the rumor, but it was too late: We were already reminiscing about the Summer of Legal Shenanigans, wondering how the midterm report cards of our favorite famous celebrity miscreants would look — and whether, as they promised, things are going to be different this time.
Hathaello Facing Another, More Dangerous Hurdle?Gawker just put up a very upsetting item: Hathaello is in danger! Apparently at the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation gala last night there was tight security, but Raffaello Follieri and Anne Hathaway felt the need to have their own burly bodyguard. None of the other (brighter) luminaries had personal protection, not even A-listers like Meryl Streep, Diane Sawyer, Robin Williams, or Barbara Walters. As Gawker points out, Anne Hathaway doesn’t usually travel with a bodyguard (we know, because once we accosted her at a party about her New Jersey Eastern all-state choir days and there was no one there to stop us), so it was probably all for Follieri’s benefit. “The weird thing,” explains their source, “was no one was approaching the guy anyway.” Does this mean that there is a hidden threat to their controversial love? Is one of the men (or churches) that Follieri allegedly ripped off going to come after him? Or, as we secretly suspect, is the young Italian exerting a Scientology-like hold over the lovely Anne, refusing to allow her to read bad press about him? That would explain why he’d hire a bodyguard: to keep prying reporters away. That would also explain something we’ve been wondering about for a long time: why the hell she hasn’t dumped him already.
Marked Man: Who Is Trying To Kill Anne Hathaway’s Hot Crazy Boyfriend? [Gawker]
Someone Please Keep Diane Sawyer BusyDiane Sawyer will take over World News from Charlie Gibson after the presidential election, but how will she entertain herself till then? Frank Capra wanted to make a sequel to It’s A Wonderful Life. Rod Stewart told Rolling Stone his daughter has a serious liver condition from partying too hard; she denies it. The owner of Cafe Fuego in the East Village, who’s also the boyfriend of Halle Berry, behaves just like all the ill-behaving ex-boyfriends of Halle Berry. Billionaire Russian heiress Anna Anisimova ditches New York for the warmer climes of L.A., plans to start a perfume company. Stephen Baldwin misbehaved on an airplane. Denis Leary made fun of Mel Gibson at the New York Comedy Festival. Borat had a few issues at the Wellington Hotel when he stayed there while filming a scene for his movie. Peter Cook still likes ‘em blonde. The makers of a documentary about the difficulties American soldiers after having readjusting to life at home are unable to get the Armed Forces to show it. Stylist Rachel Zoe angered Tom Ford when she left a dinner party he was throwing in L.A. Liz Smith has some advice for Britney Spears: Go on Oprah and tell the world, “I was unconscious for two years.” Evidently, Paula Abdul is Jewish.