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Early And Awesome

  1. The Other Big Winner Last Night Was Legal WeedSilver linings (or at least something to dull the pain).
  2. Obama Brushes Off Jealous Boyfriend With Cool BanterMr. President, don’t touch my girlfriend.”
  3. Denver Bro Asks Obama to Smoke Weed, Gets a Laugh, Posts to InstagramAmerica in 2014 (in Colorado).
  4. Charlie Rangel Talking With His Hands: A RetrospectiveThe 84-year-old is definitely a New Yorker.
  5. Charlie Rangel May Be a Rogue, But He’s an Indomitable One Even at age 84, he just wanted it more.
  6. Obama Visits Cooperstown, Makes Baseball HistoryThe first president to visit the Hall of Fame while in office, ever.
  7. Seth Rogen Made a House of Cards Joke at a Senate Hearing (Also, Weed)His actual testimony was more serious, about Alzheimer’s.
  8. Harry Reid Offers Compliment to Ted Cruz, and Also About Nine InsultsHe is a laughing stock to everybody but him.”
  9. The White House Made a Westboro Baptist Church Hate GIFIn response to a “We the People” petition.
  10. Christie Slow Jams, Puts Up With Fat JokesIsn’t that what your scale says every night?”
  11. 8 Things Michele Bachmann Is Saying to Her Google GlassShe was wearing a pair this morning. 
  12. Stephen Colbert Campaigns Hard For His SisterHe’s a consummate fund-raiser host.
  13. Stephen Colbert’s Sister Running for Same Congressional Seat As Mark SanfordThis race is going to be awesome.
  14. Ben Affleck Running for Senate, ProbablyThat’s not what I’m here to talk about.”
  15. Obama Slipped a Nate Silver Joke and a Romney Jab Into His Turkey PardonObama says he has “one more gift to give.”
  16. Joe Biden Was on Carmen Sandiego in 1993 for Some ReasonHe called Special Agent Greg to let him know he won a crappy award.
  17. What Joe Scarborough Would Look Like With Ten Famous MustachesObama won Florida. Scarborough lost his bet. Now he has to grow a ‘stache.
  18. Presidential Campaign Makes Little Girl CryBronco Obama, you are a monster. 
  19. DNC Website Expertly Mocks Mitt Romney’s Elusive Tax DetailsHead over to RomneyTaxPlan.com for a laugh.
  20. Jennifer Granholm Has Discovered Some Amazing New Street Drug Called ‘Democracy’This explains her DNC speech.
  21. Where to Watch Wednesday’s Presidential Debate The best places to catch the debate and a drink, no matter where you are.
  22. This ‘99 Problems’ Obama Remix Is Better Than the OriginalI got 99 problems, but Mitt ain’t one.”
  23. Barack Obama and Jay-Z Have Some Things in CommonDaughters and awesome wives.
  24. Watch an Obama Bobblehead Travel Into SpaceIt is eerie and beautiful.
  25. Mitt Romney May Hate Dogs, But He Loves FerretsHe knows, because he saved a ferret from a dishwasher one time. Or he just made it up.
  26. Mitt Romney Is Elvis (to Certain Orthodox Jews)A group of Orthodox Jews at a wedding party went nuts for Mitt Romney today. 
  27. ‘Mitt Romney, a Hero in My Mind’ Is Just the Latest Tepid Romney EndorsementA great song by a crazy man.
  28. John McCain Wants Michele Bachmann and Her Islamophobia Off His LawnBachmann has accused Huma Abedin of being a spy for the Muslim Brotherhood.
  29. If Random Bursts of Organ Music Were Part of Every SpeechA funny video.
  30. The ‘Harry Reid’ and Eight Other Politicians Who Should Also Be Sex MovesRick Santorum isn’t the only one with a sexual nickname. 
  31. Senator Patrick Leahy to Appear in Dark Knight Rises, Because Why Not?Will he be intimated by thugs?
  32. Jon Gosselin Endorses Michael Jackson’s RabbiHint: It involves Jon Gosselin.
  33. E-mail From Obama Campaign Manager Jim Messina, or Song by Musician Jim Messina?This ‘Mother Jones’ quiz is pretty hard. 
  34. South Dakota’s Jeff Barth on His Viral Campaign Ad, Riding Animals, and ChessI actually want to talk to my creative guy about maybe doing something in a canoe.”
  35. Here Is a Line of Butt Plugs Representing the GOP Primary PollsEach candidate has its own shape.
  36. Beth Tropinka on George Clooney’s Obama BashShe owes it all to … Rick Santorum?
  37. This Man Beat President Obama in Ten West Virginia CountiesBehold, the glory of Keith Judd.
  38. President Obama Growling for 30 Seconds [Update: Rest In Peace, Maurice Sendak]The author died today at the age of 83.
  39. Alec Baldwin Regains His Appetite … for political office.
  40. How the 1912 Titanic Disaster Shaped the 2013 Mayoral RaceChristine Quinn’s grandmother was onboard!
  41. Mexican Warlock Predicts Obama Will LoseShould we even have the election anymore?
  42. Ron Paul Is Going to Leave a Watermelon Pineapple Treasure Inside of Liam NeesonJust kidding! It’s only Bad Lip Reading.
  43. Rick Santorum Is One of the Many People Who Find Newt Gingrich Incredibly BoringHe was caught watching college football during a Newt Gingrich speech.
  44. Two People Named Barack Have Contributed to the Obama Reelection EffortYou can learn all kinds of useless facts at this website devoted to Obama’s first 1,000,000 donors.
  45. Gary Johnson Holds an Online Town Hall With Pagan Media OutletsThis whole campaign is about talking to anyone who will listen.”
  46. Rick Perry Will Let You Borrow His Kwanzaa CDsBad Lip Reading produces internet gold.
  47. Fellating a Reindeer Dildo Nose Worked Out Okay in the End for Krystal BallIt got her a job on MSNBC.
  48. Iowa Congressman Fights Off Intruder With the Help of the Second AmendmentLeonard Boswell and a shotgun defeat an armed intruder.
  49. California Assembly Passes Bill Requiring Gay History’s Inclusion in TextbooksIt’s now in the hands of Jerry Brown.
  50. Stephen Colbert Has a PAC NowWhat does this mean?
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