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Early And Awkward

  1. Scott Walker, a 47-Year-Old Man, Blames Bald Spot on Violent Sink Encounter Whatever gets you through the day.
  2. Hillary Clinton Is Just Trying to Chill In Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
  3. The New York Times Won’t Put Ted Cruz’s Book on the Best-Seller ListDue to the paper’s unabashed political bias, or maybe questionable sales figures.
  4. Freeze-frames of Politicians Playing Sports Are Our Greatest Natural ResourceNew Jersey Governor Chris Christie may not be a presidential candidate yet, but he is a baseball MVP.
  5. Report: Desperate Anti-Hillary Democrats Launch Bloomberg 2016 EffortThe former mayor didn’t kick them out of his office, which they consider a good sign.
  6. Senator Bernie Sanders Forced to Clarify That He’s Not a StonerThanks a lot, Obama.
  7. The Ex-Presidents’ Gravy Train May Be Coming to an EndA House bill would stop the flow of taxpayer dollars to the former presidents, who are all millionaires.
  8. Hillary SCOTUS Picks Must Oppose Citizens UnitedShe made the vow to bundlers who have raised at least $27,000 for her campaign.
  9. Bush Is Announcing Today, Catsimatidis ClaimsThe Bush camp says you shouldn’t.
  10. Carly Fiorina Is Too Cool for Her Own Presidential Campaign LaunchShe’s kicking things off with an online announcement and a conference call.
  11. John McCain Wants to Know More About His Imaginary Chat With Ted CruzSo he can continue mocking him mercilessly.
  12. Is The Simpsons Still Funny When Performed by Ted Cruz?It’s the ultimate test.
  13. Rand Paul — Sorry, Doctor Rand Paul — Is Running for PresidentNot that you had any doubts.
  14. Did Indiana Just Legalize LGBT Discrimination? Governor Pence Can’t SayBecause no one really knows.
  15. Even Louie Gohmert Knows His Presidential Bid Is a JokeHe’s not that crazy.
  16. John Boehner Reads Mean Tweets, Does Not CryHe and Pelosi seem accustomed to being insulted.
  17. Ted Cruz Is Still Being Trolled by the Owner of TedCruz.comAnd surprisingly, Rand Paul isn’t the culprit.
  18. At CPAC You Have the Right to Get WeirdAnd can be sure that a reporter wants to cover it all.
  19. Saving Seats for the State of the UnionIt’s not allowed. But members of Congress do it anyway.
  20. Michele Bachmann Says Emotional Good-bye to Empty House of RepresentativesWith salutes to Hammurabi, Moses, and the lunch-counter ladies.
  21. George W. Bush Calls Bill Clinton His ‘Brother From Another Mother’They’ve been teasing each other on social media.
  22. CNN Election Team Hides iPads Behind Sponsored Microsoft TabletsApple wins again.
  23. Karl Rove, Fox News Rub in Republican DominationRevenge for 2012.
  24. The Most Perfectly Awkward Photos From Election DayA Mitch McConnell photobomb, a butt crack, a butt pat, and more!
  25. Coach K Says Obama’s Gameplan Against ISIS SucksThe Duke general has a war critique in the form of a basketball metaphor.
  26. Indicted Staten Island Congressman Lands Worst Endorsements EverBully Michael Grimm is probably keeping his job.
  27. At Least Lindsey Graham Knows His AudienceI’m trying to help you with your tax status.”
  28. Michael Jordan Thinks Obama Is a ‘Shitty’ GolferI never said he wasn’t a great politician…”
  29. Neither Staten Island Congressional Candidate Can Name the Last Book They ReadThe best moment from last night’s debate.
  30. Republican Signing Girl Not What It Looks LikeNo pictures on this!” he says before doing it anyway.
  31. Andrew Cuomo Is Losing the Coveted Sopranos Cast Member VoteAnd they call me Big Pussy?” says the man who played Sal Bonpensiero.
  32. RNC Co-Chair Calls Wisconsin Voters StupidSome of them might not be as sharp as a knife.”
  33. Anthony Weiner Still Won’t Say He Stopped SextingThe subject was off-limits in a new interview.
  34. Bishop Asks Voters to Write In Dead CatholicsAs always, it’s about abortion.
  35. Hillary Clinton Makes Mom Joke About MarijuanaMoooooooooom!
  36. Wendy Davis Should Have Left Her Opponent’s Wheelchair Out of Her Attack Ad Not a good look. 
  37. Hillary Clinton Wished Al Sharpton a Happy Birthday; He Alerted the PressBy sending out a press release about the call.
  38. dirty old men
    And the Senator Who Called Kirsten Gillibrand Chubby Is …Not one of the usual suspects.
  39. Hillary Clinton Pretended to Fry Steak and Not Run for President in IowaA sort of campaign stop in the caucus state.
  40. Mark Sanford Announces Breakup in Endless PostOne last walk down the Appalachian Trail.
  41. John McCain Shouts at Jay Carney During His CNN DebutApparently CNN hazes new hires.
  42. Mitt Romney Still Isn’t Running for President in 2016My time has come and gone.”
  43. Watch Governor Cuomo and Mayor de Blasio Completely Ignore Zephyr Teachout While she tries to greet them.
  44. NRCC Creates Fake News Sites to Attack DemocratsTheir haters keep them relevant.
  45. After Syria Tiff, Clinton Plans to ‘Hug It Out’ With ObamaSpoiler alert for this week’s The Real Housewives of Martha’s Vineyard.
  46. The Conservative Choice for Congress Is This Giant Horse DickArizona Republican congressional hopeful Gary Kiehne is a real American.
  47. Obama Reportedly Called Criticism of His Syria Policy ‘Horseshit’He was talking to a senator, not Hillary.
  48. Brooklyn Attempts to Sell DNC on Plentiful ‘Swag’ for 2016Politicians are wooing the Democratic National Committee for the next
  49. The Clintons Are Down to Party in Brooklyn for 2016They’re behind de Blasio’s plan to put to DNC at Barclays Center.
  50. Plagiarizing Senator John Walsh Drops OutHe’s no longer running in November. 
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