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Hamptons, Here We Don't Come

We're cutting off short today for the three-day weekend, but don't fret! Operations will resume as usual on Tuesday.

Jerry Seinfeld, American Hero

Jerry Seinfeld is not only lucky to be alive after his car accident in the Hamptons this past weekend, he is also apparently … a hero?

Conan O’Brien Reads, But Does Not Give Recipes to, ‘Good Housekeeping’

MEDIA •Yesterday the New York Post reported on Tiger Woods's new $65 million Hamptons pad. The only problem? He didn't buy the house. [Radar] • Good Housekeeping published Conan O'Brien's stew recipe in honor of Saint Patrick's Day. Except it wasn't actually his recipe. "I've never cooked anything in my life. I didn't send this to them; they completely made this up," he said, then added: "I love this magazine, I'm not mad or anything." [WWD] • After a year of bickering, Dow Jones decided it will no longer carry news from the Associated Press. [Reuters]

Amy Ruth's Taking Her Sweet Time in Brooklyn; Adour? Okay

Downtown Brooklyn: So much for a Valentine’s Day debut: Amy Ruth’s at the Fulton Mall isn’t even open yet. [Lost City] Hamptons: Restaurant Week begins March 20. Bargain meals at close to 70 participating restaurants seems like a good excuse to take advantage of any lodging bargains before warm weather sets in. [Restaurant Girl] Meatpacking District: Florent plans to give up the ghost on a high note, on Gay Pride Day at the end of June. [NYP] Midtown East: Citysearch calls Ducasse’s food at Adour "comme ci, comme ça." [Bottomless Dish/Citysearch] West Village: The Beatrice team might expand to L.A. [Down by the Hipster]

Wilmer Valderama, Marquee, Apparently Both Still Alive

Wilmer Marquee
The only thing worse than being on an e-mail list where you get spammed with invitations to Wilmer Valderama's birthday party at Marquee (aren't they both 70 years old by now?) is being on an e-mail list where you get spammed with invitations that are ALSO pleas to join a summer share in the Hamptons. "Please contact us if you'd like to do a Hamptons Share this summer!" read the chipper text of the e-mail that came with the invitation here. Wilmer Valderama? Sharing a house with people you don't know? Trashy, overcrowded nightclubs? Wow, whoever these Rachel and Adam people are, we have to hand it to them. They've done the impossible: They made us look outside and thank the heavens that it is dark and sleeting out there. Summer, and the Hamptons, can not come slow enough for us. Hamptons Holidays [Official Site]

Diddy's Spectacular Fall From Hotness

White Party
Earlier today, we mentioned to a colleague the annual Labor Day fracas that is Diddy's White Party — yes, that beloved(ish), A-list(ish) fête at the hip-hop mogul's East Hampton home, for which all guests are required to wear white. "Did he even have the party this year?" the colleague asked, suggesting to us that Diddy's status on the social circuit has indeed taken a turn for the worse.

Nello Said to Teach Artist a Thing or Two About Overcharging

Connoisseurs of bad art and worse restaurants will get a charge from a story in today’s Post about Nello Balan and his run-in with artist Jerome Lucani. There are so many levels of absurdity to this that it would take Nathaniel West to do it justice, but let’s start with the basics: Balan, who owns restaurants catering to stodgy plutocrats, allegedly agreed to front the money for Lucani to produce hideous celebrity photomontages in exchange for a 40 percent cut on sales. Lucani claims that Balan is “keeping [his] paintings hostage” and demanded a $500,000 fee plus a 50-50 split on sales. Now that’s how you do business!

Divorces, Horses, and So On

Paula Zahn's friends say she wanted to stay in the Fifth Avenue apartment she shares with soon-to-be ex-husband Richard Cohen for the sake of their kids, but he made it too difficult. Lou Dobbs's daughter Hillary won the Open Jumper Class (and $7,500) at the Hampton Classic Horse Show. (Soon-to-be-mom Kelly Klein also rode there.) Heather Mills has racked up a number of parking tickets in her Bentley convertible in East Hampton. NYU's school newspaper went out of its way to point out that people use the campus library to commit suicide and hook up on Craigslist. Larry David doesn't like fund-raisers on yachts in Martha's Vineyard. Courtney Love is blaming ex-boyfriend Steve Coogan for Owen Wilson's attempted suicide, and now Coogan is worried about his career prospects. The New York Times has a clear anti-Yankees bias, "Page Six" says.

Quarterback Sacked

Bridget Moynahan won't actually see Tom Brady and is only giving him limited access to their newborn son. Late New York Giants owner Wellington Mara's eleven kids are going through problems, both personal and business-related. Christie Brinkley didn't attend the Hampton Classic Horse Show because Peter Cook and a new girlfriend were inside. Note to male tennis players: Do not date Martina Hingis. Julia Stiles helped boyfriend Jonathan Cramer install one of his sculptures on Central Park North. Jack Nicholson once jumped out a window after Hunter S. Thompson pulled a gun out in a house. Music mogul Irv Gotti made it to day three of a $10,000 World Poker Tour event. A former Stuyvesant High School student of Frank McCourt said the Pulitzer Prize winner was not a great English teacher. James Blount hooked up with another model, this time in Malibu.

Closing the Box

Some Lower East Siders are trying to get the Box closed because it's more a nightclub and less the "cultural institution" its owners promised it would be. (And also, we presume, because it's utterly insufferable.) At the age of 50, Kelly Klein, ex of Calvin, is finally having a baby. Hillary Clinton raised $500,000 at a fund-raiser at Ted Danson's house on Martha's Vineyard. The beach is eroding in front of Tina Brown and Harry Evans's place in Quogue. John McEnroe is in talks with Larry Ellison to establish a tennis training center in Flushing Meadows. Andy Roddick had stage fright when asked to say a few words at a party in his honor at Tenjune. A bunch of guests got lost en route to Donna Karan's house in East Hampton. Tom Petty played two gigs in the Hamptons for $1.7 million. (Paul McCartney and Renée Zellweger were there.) Patrick Ewing and Alonzo Mourning looked for the entrance to La Esquina.