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Beware the Castle Astoria

Astoria: People who live in this building get their very own Rapunzel balcony in their very own profoundly ugly castle. Call this style Middle Ages middlebrow. [OuterB via Curbed] Bushwick: This cancer survivor who runs the music joint Goodbye Blue Monday is a cool dude. But when he says you could toss a cat in any direction around here and hit a building owned by his landlord, we hope he doesn't mean that cute kitty he's holding in the photo. [amNY] Harlem: Guess which Manhattan neighborhood didn't make it onto this (clever but not quite accurate, given gentrification) "White Folks' Map of the NYC Subway System"? [Gothamist]

A Chabad Blogs

Astoria: Hm, if we get on the list now, can we make it into this de-gorgeous affordable housing complex for the elder set by the time we're 65? If our income stays where it is now, we know we'll qualify. [OuterB] Crown Heights: The Chabad Orthodox sect here has a totally pimped-out ride memorializing the late, great Rebbe Schneerson. And did you know they also have their own blog? They're so now! [Curbed] Harlem: At P.S. 161 on Convent Ave., the teachers park on the sidewalks! Do they think they can get away with this just because they make subsistence wages? We think not. [Streetsblog]

Dancer Boy Does Greenpoint

Carroll Gardens: Hey, have you heard the one about the yacht that got stuck trying to take a left turn onto Second Place from Smith Street? [Gowanus Lounge] East Village: Wow, look at that ... they actually put two bike lanes on Second Avenue to make it easier for bikers to cross Houston without incurring death from left-turning traffic. [Streetsblog] Greenpoint: Upper East Side office girls may have Chippendales strippers for their birthday and bachelorette parties. But the lucky ladies of Greenpoint have ... Dancer Boy! [Newyorkshitty]

Peter Hoffman Served a Rubber Band to His Mentor; Bloomberg to the Veggie Rescue in Harlem

Astoria: La Flor de Puebla on Astoria Boulevard between Steinway and 38th Street makes a mean carnitas taco. [Joey in Astoria] East Village: Peter Hoffman of Back Forty (and Savoy) reveals to Frank Bruni that he "once served a watercress salad to Richard Olney, my mentor and culinary hero, only to discover upon going to his table to see how he liked it that we had also served him a rubber band." [Diner's Journal/NYT] Harlem: Only 3 percent of bodegas in the nabe carry leafy green vegetables, so Mayor Bloomberg's coming to the rescue. No wonder Mizrahi loves him. [NYS via Uptown Flavor] Park Slope: The end of Donuts Coffee Shop on Fifth Avenue is near; Associated Supermarket is about to swallow up the landmark diner. [The Gowanus Lounge] West Village: It's a Q&A kind of day: Centro Vinoteca and newly anointed Gusto chef Anne Burrell says her trademark "cowgirl skirts are a good luck charm when we do Iron Chef … I figure if all the old ladies in Italy wear dresses in the kitchen, why can't I wear a skirt in NYC?" Though she may not have seen our kitchen fashions for the preening chef. [Restaurant Girl] Gusto is also hosting a Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve, which includes this recipe for zuppa di pesce. [Eat for Victory/VV]

Trust Carroll Gardens, for the Rest of Your Life

Carroll Gardens: Locals are pissed off that Carroll Park is so understaffed that nobody's around to haul away old mattresses. Hey, locals: You could do it. Either that or keep on looking at old mattresses in your park. [Gowanus Lounge] Greenpoint: Santa was spotted here in a butcher's apron, smoking a cigarette, with his wife nearby, waiting for kielbasa (not Santa's, you perv!). Also, people are fornicating in the shadow of the onion-domed sewage-treatment plant. (In this weather!?) [Newyorkshitty] Harlem: A real-estate investor just broke the record for a property in the hood by paying $6.6 mil condo at Central Park North. But they may soon be topped by a triplex in the same building, on the block for $8.5 mil, that Esquire just named the "Ultimate Bachelor Pad." [Luxist via Uptown Flavor]

Malcolm Gladwell: Big Hair, Big Feet, Big Heart?

Upper East Side: Malcolm Gladwell revealed his big feet, gesticulated intensely, said people shouldn't be allowed to say where they went to college, and stole bloggery hearts at the 92nd St. Y the other night. [UES Informer] Bushwick: Now the hipsters are staging Punk Rock Pillow Fights. Will their crazy, ironic, lo-fi fun ever stop? [Brooklyn Rink via the vaguely anti-Semitic BushwickBK] East Harlem: A principal at a high school here sent teachers a memo telling them to dumb down their standards for the kids. Uh-huh. [NYDN] Harlem: Amid its massive, seventeen-acre expansion in the hood's west side, Columbia says it won't tear down the Cotton Club on 125th after all. That's Christian of them. [NYP]

Preschool in Brooklyn Just Got More Toxic

Boerum Hill: Parents who shelled out $1,200 for a preschool found that it was full of toxic hazards, running without a license and bouncing teachers' checks since last summer. That's so not the New Brownstone Brooklyn! [Brooklyn Eagle] Bushwick: In which a bored cop mistakes a narcissistic gay Russian taking pictures of himself for a terrorist. Sounds like the start of a porn vid. [BushwickBK] Harlem: Will a possible rezoning of 125th Street into towers of luxury condos and chain stores be a good thing for Harlem, or "Katrina-fication done by the swipe of a pen"? [VV]

Can't Beat Building Sex

Carroll Gardens: Nobody wants to buy into this notorious new building, pictured here mounting an older, prettier structure from behind. [Brownstoner] Corona: The sad thing about this (apparently) new building is that, if you squint, it might even pass for Deco period if it weren't for the hideous balconies and front door. [Queens Crap] Flatiron: Edwidge Danticat "reads from his memoir" tonight at B&N. Dude looks like a lady to us. [East Village Idiot]

‘Heeb’ Parts River, Crosses to Dumbo

Bedford-Stuyvesant: On her recent Bed-Stuy cable show, the hood's buppie doyenne (and former Essence editrix) Monique Greenwood kept calling the Brownstoner blog "Brownstone." Like that nineties En Vogue ripoff group! [Bed-Stuy Blog] Dumbo: Heeb magazine moves here from Soho, perhaps launching an influx of snarky hipster Jews into the hood. If they're not already here. [DumboNYC] Forest Hills: According to this blogger, the rudest people around here are the white, non-immigrant ones. [Forest Hills 72]

Battery Park, Do We Need More of It?

Battery Park City: Should the hood, itself built on landfill, be extended out into the Hudson with more landfill? The local community board says, "No, no, no!" [CityRealty] Bedford-Stuyvesant: Herewith, twenty reasons to love the hood's hated-on, not-so-trendy north side. ("11. The selection of current bootleg DVDs at the laundromat." Can't argue with that.) [Bed-Stuy Banana] Downtown Brooklyn: One of those sleek, new bus shelters has been smashed to pieces … again! [McBrooklyn]

Ditmas Park Manse Finds a Fixer to Up It

Ditmas Park: Remember that beautiful, dilapidated mansion on the market for $1.75 mil that New York featured a while back? It just sold for $1.55 mil. Happy fix-up, somebody. [Ditmas Park Blog] East Village: Gentrification haters have two fun protests tonight — one of the imminent Cooper Square Hotel, another of a local shoot for SATC ripoff Lipstick Jungle. [Vanishing New York] Greenpoint: Chuck, fuck, but definitely not marry. That's how Miss Heather feels about the daily papers that rip stories off from her posts (like last week's one about sneakers hanging from phone lines) without crediting her blog. Girl, you gotta change that scatological blog title … yeah, even for the gutter mouth Post! [Newyorkshitty]

Curbed Takes on Red Hook, ‘New York’

Red Hook: OMG, you guys, like, every post on Curbed today is about le Hook Rouge! And half of them provide photo evidence aiming to disprove New York's latest story saying that gentrification there bombed. We might just have to get our writer to react to this! More soon. [Curbed] Chelsea: We don't want to start any blasphemous rumors, but, well, yes, that was Depeche Mode shooting a (gypsy-filled?) video at the Chelsea Hotel last night. Reportedly. [Living with Legends] Fort Greene: If you go to the greenmarket here on Saturdays, you'll not only get an ecosensitive reusable shopping bag, you'll meet many "engaging and beautiful" neighbors. Is this a front for an escort service? [Clinton Hill Blog]

Brooklyn's Top Bed-and-Breakfasts; Free Cupcakes in the Financial District Friday

Bedford-Stuyvesant: Akwaaba Mansion at 34 Macdonough Street made it to the top of this list of Brooklyn bed-and-breakfasts. [Gridskipper] Financial District: Crumbs has opened a bakery at 87 Beaver Street between Hanover Street and Wall Street, and to celebrate the shop will give away 1,000 cupcakes this Friday starting at 7 a.m. [Snack] Harlem: Among its other delicacies, Fairway sells flagels, which are “to the bagel what nuggets are to fried chicken. When toasted, they are delightfully crunchy, but the inside still has the chewiness a bagel should — “just less of it” — because they’re flattened, of course. [Eat for Victory/VV] Jackson Heights: The city's first Tibetan street-food cart is up and running near the 74th Street stop. [Gothamist] Lower East Side: Six Point Ales debuted a new flavor called 8 Days of Wheat at the Whole Foods Beer Room last night, and the first impression is that “it’s pretty darn good.” [Down by the Hipster] Upper West Side: Senor Swanky’s has put its space on Columbus Avenue between 84th and 85th up for rent. So line up, if you just happen to have a business plan that incorporates giant chile peppers and underage drinking. [Eater]

Just What You Always Wanted: A Philippe Starck Bike Rack

Clinton Hill: Tonight, the Pratt design gang unveils new street-furniture ideas for the hood. Eames chairs in the bus shelter, anyone? [Clinton Hill Blog] East Side: Bloomberg will ban schoolkid field trips to the U.N. if its myriad fire-safety violations aren't fixed by March. They won't be, if the kids are lucky. But what about the pope?! [Newyorkology] Elmhurst: Hey, Asians, don't think that just because the cops served Chinese food at the last community meeting in an effort to reach out to you that it'll happen again. At least not this month. [Junction Boulevard]

Okay, Now Who Leaves a Kitten on a Rooftop?

Brooklyn Heights: Rumors are burbling that the hood's symphonically hyped "Subway Cyrano" saga — where a guy reconnected with his subway crush after searching for her via an online vid — is a Lonelygirl-type hoax. Wouldn't that be sad? [Brooklyn Heights Blog] East Village: Sure, two low-paid young'uns can share a $3,000 Stuy Town one-bedroom. If they bring along their $1,000 pressurized wall. [Hunt Grunt] Flatbush: Several cats have been abandoned on a rooftop! And they're scared and hungry! [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]

Gentrifying Ditmas Park: The Move That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Astoria: Graffiti gives this not-even-moved-into-yet new building "a cozy, 'lived-in' feel." [Curbed] Clinton Hill: Hipsters turned breeders will learn this weekend how to replace skateboards with infants as their top new accessory. [Still Hip Brooklyn via A Child Grows in Brooklyn] Ditmas Park: The hood's pioneering yups preen over their new cafés and shops but balk at charges of gentrification. You can't have it both ways, people! [Ditmas Park Blog]

Lovescool's Bakery Open in Gramercy; Pupu Platters From the Fifties in Queens

Astoria: Chickenhead is playing at the beer garden this Saturday from 8 p.m. to midnight. [Joey in Astoria] Clinton Hill: J & J Cafe on Fulton near Waverly is already closed, but don't hold your breath for the next newcomer. With all the construction in the area “there's little use opening anything in that space…it's almost completely invisible.” [Clinton Hill Blog] Fresh Meadows: Old-school Chinese-American restaurant Kim Yum has been serving Pupu Platters and strong drinks since the fifties. [Gothamist] Gramercy: Dessert blogger and Golden Scoop award winner Kelli Bernard has opened her bakery and tea house at 171 Third Avenue between 16th and 17th streets. [NewYorkology] Harlem: Harlem Tea Room tries to pull a fast one: “This may not be a sticking point if you haven’t grown up with scones, but they are not biscuits. They just aren’t. Biscuits are lovely things, but you cannot claim to sell homemade scones and serve biscuits.” [Uptown Flavor] West Village: Gusto chef Amanda Freitag puts oodles of autumn into her recipe for free-form pumpkin ravioli with apple-cider reduction. [Restaurant Girl]

Astroland: Now in the City's Own Flipper Hands

Astoria: Miss Heather from Newyorkshitty gets back to what she does best: poop art. [Newyorkshitty] The BQE: Tracks from Sufjan Stevens's homage to the venerable expressway are online! [Vulture via Hypeful] Coney Island The city will save Astroland's land (as a park) by taking it away from Thor, thus saving the amusement park! Yay! Except, oh wait, what does the city know about running a freak show? Don't answer that question. [Curbed]

Fishing in the Gowanus Canal: Yeah, They Do It. What?

Astoria: Boy, Pete Hamill's writer bro Dennis sure loves the park here. Perhaps just a few hundred words more than necessary? [NYDN via Queens Crap] Bushwick: Horny gay gentrifiers, listen up. That hot local papi you just took home may agree to tie you up … but only to steal your Gucci watch. [NYP via BushwickBK] Gowanus: They're fishing bluefish out of the toxic Gowanus Canal … and eating them! Ew, that's just naasty! [Gowanus Lounge]

How About Some Gargoyles for Your Halloween?

Bay Ridge: If you see lots of nooses tonight, don't bug out and call Rev. Al. It's Halloween, people — the night when nooses are exempt from Jim Crow overtones. [Bay Ridge Rover] Harlem: Did you know that the gargoyles on this old building tell a story about chicken soup? Check them out, 'cause they're plenty creepy-lookin' for the holiday. [The Weblicist] Hell's Kitchen: Does the forbidding of a sax player from practicing in his apartment signal the morphing of Manhattan Plaza from an artists' enclave to a yuppie one? [NYDN]