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Health Carnage

  1. White House: Give Your Mom ‘Piece of Mind’ by Getting Health InsurancePieceofmindgate. 
  2. John Boehner Discovers That Obamacare Website Is Not Fully OperationalGroundbreaking stuff from the Speaker today. 
  3. Sarah Palin Explains Her Obamacare AlternativePatient-centered doctor-patient relationship links.”
  4. Obamacare Hearing: A Contest of Oz AnalogiesEverybody won!
  5. Kathleen Sebelius to Congressman: ‘Whatever’She was asked the same question four times. 
  6. Obamacare Will ‘Literally Kill’ Women and Children, Says Michele BachmannDeath Panels for everyone.
  7. The House Voted to Repeal Obamacare AgainFor the 33rd time.
  8. Bill O’Reilly Apologizes for ‘Being an Idiot’I may be an idiot for not considering that.”
  9. Everyone Spent the Day Arguing About Health CareEveryone on TV, anyway.
  10. Roberts’s Tax Ruling Awkward for Obama, RomneyBoth of them are big, evil taxers now.
  11. Supreme Court Upholds Obamacare [Updated]The individual mandate is a go!
  12. Belly Dancers Are Protesting Outside the Supreme Court, Because Why NotIt’s going to be a weird day.
  13. The Supreme Court Will Rule on Health-Care Reform in JuneHow will the ruling affect the presidential campaign?
  14. Clinton–Appointed Judge Rules Against Health-Care ReformThis is the first time this has happened.
  15. Bush-Appointed Judge Sides With Democrats on Health-Care ReformThis has never happened before!
  16. It Turns Out That They Don’t Actually Know What’s in the Health-Care-Reform LawSome couples earning $64,000 can get on Medicaid, a program for the extremely poor.
  17. Sad Emblematic Crime of the DayA man robbed a bank of $1 so he could be sent to prison and get medical care.
  18. If They Are Very Good, Obama Will Let States Out of the Health-Care MandateAs early as 2014!
  19. Senator Orrin Hatch Trying Way Too HardCalls health-care reform “a one-size-fits-all federal government dumb-ass program” and “an awful piece of crap.”
  20. Another Judge Rules Health-Care Reform Perfectly ConstitutionalThe score is three to two, if you’re keeping track at home.
  21. Health-Care Repeal Fails in SenateBut the GOP will try, try again.
  22. Ronald Reagan’s Solicitor General Is a Socialist Now?I am quite sure that the health care mandate is constitutional.”
  23. Betsy McCaughey Has an End-of-Life ProblemThat’s ironic.
  24. Health-Care Reform Repeal Takes One Big, Futile Step ForwardThe GOP passed the repeal of health-care reform today. That’s about as far as it’s going to go.
  25. Bill Frist Tells GOP to Snuggle With Health-Care ReformThe former Senate majority leader doesn’t back repeal.
  26. Republican Health-Care Repeal Charade Will Please Only One in Four AmericansEveryone else doesn’t want to repeal it.
  27. Democrats Have Finally Decided to Defend That Health-Care Thing They PassedJust when the CBO steps in with some helpful figures.
  28. A Single Republican Congressman Has Decided to Forgo Government Health InsuranceEveryone else is a socialist.
  29. GOP Could Force Vote on White House End-of-Life-Counseling RuleNo more secrets!
  30. Can the Democrats Get Ahead of the ‘Death Panel’ Myth This Time Around?Probably not.
  31. New York ‘Manipulative Therapy’ Specialist at the Center of the Journal’s Investigation Into Medicare FraudGet this patient a polysomnography sleep analysis, stat!
  32. Big Pharma Hires Bad Doctors: ‘Maybe I Am a Pervert, I Honestly Don’t Know’ProPublica investigates big pharma’s payroll.
  33. Counselors From Subway Ads for ‘Free Abortion Alternatives’ Told Women ‘God Will Never Forgive You’The results of a yearlong investigation by Naral Pro-Choice New York.
  34. New Jobs Bill Jettisons COBRA, Just As Unemployment RisesNo subsidies for health-care benefits for the newly unemployed.
  35. President Obama Is the John Scherer of Health-Care ReformHe wants to teach you how to use this new and informative website.
  36. Health-Care Reform Will Increase Health-Care CostsOnly by $311 billion, though. We’re serious, it’s not that much.
  37. Anthony Weiner: ‘I Follow Twitter for the Tea Party and Just Show Up to Fuck With Them’“No, I don’t do that. I just sit at my desk and they send me talcum powder every couple of weeks.”
  38. Barney Frank Accosted on Airplane by Drunk Lady DoctorsIf you’re trying to be bitchy, you’re doing a good job,” hissed Barney’s boyfriend in his defense. Snap!
  39. Man Arrested for Threatening Pelosi Was Riled Up by Fox News, Says MomHis mom, not ours.
  40. Man Arrested for Threats Against Nancy PelosiThree’s a trend!
  41. Why Someone Sent a Congresswoman an Unwrapped CondomThese threats keep getting weirder.
  42. Health-Care Fix Bill Clears Final HurdleAll it needs now is the signature.
  43. Castro Really Wants Democratic Health Care to SucceedAnd by that, we mean “fail.”
  44. The Most Memorable Moments of the Health-Care Reform DebateRelive the most memorable moments of the seemingly endless debate.
  45. Somebody Sent Anthony Weiner White PowderNote to all aspiring fearmongers: That is not the thing to do with people who are ALREADY amped up.
  46. President Obama Dares the GOP to Run on RepealObama was brimming with confidence in Iowa this afternoon.
  47. Senate Passes Health Care Fix BillNow it goes back to the House, where it may get voted on this afternoon.
  48. Bart Stupak Threatened in the Most Insane, Creative WaysHow did they come up with these crazy voice messages?
  49. Senate Republicans Deal Minor, Easily Surmountable Setback to DemocratsThe House will have to vote on health-care reform again.
  50. Anthony Weiner To O’Reilly: ‘You Are Making Stuff Up’Things get heated during argument over health care.
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