Over at the Huffington Post today, children's author Lesley M. M. Blume takes onGossip Girl. Like, she really goes after it. "Gossip Girl represents nothing less than the soft death of youth culture and rebellion and self-determinism," she writes. Sorry, what? Are you watching the same mind-shatteringly brilliant show that we are? Every week we pore over each episode and analyze it for our readers, who immediately tear apart our reasoning with their press-on nails and braced incisors. So we're excited to finally have the chance to examine someone else's reading of the show! (Not to mention examine what Blume herself looks like. She's trying to tell us someone who looks like that doesn't watch the show? She could practically star on it!) Let's look at her argument, piece by piece.
• "Gossip Girl supposedly exposes the seamy underbelly of Manhattan's Upper East Side overclass."—Again, is she watching the same show we're watching? Gossip Girl isn't meant to expose anything more than Star Trek was supposed to teach you what space is really like. It's a high-camp fantasy. Does Lesley think skinny women writers with only one regular freelance gig really drink multiple fishbowl-size martinis a night at fancy clubs and never look broke or hung-over? Then she must have really loved how Sex and the City "exposed" real New York life.
The news this morning that Jeffrey Epstein accuser and tranny Maximilia Cordero filed a similar suit against another older man for making her his underage "sex slave" back in 2002 prompted William Unroch, Cordero's lawyer-boyfriend, to send Daily Intel yet another missive, complaining about how the Post is choosing to "discredit this young woman" over focusing on the "child molester." A copy of his revised complaint against Epstein was also attached. We're not going to reprint it here, because for one it is really, really, really gross, but suffice it to say that if Unroch wants the focus shifted back to Epstein's misdeeds, well, then, naming Victoria's Secret and Limited Brands founder Leslie Wexner as a defendant because the company "knowingly allowed the defendant Epstein to use the glamour and lure of their names to harass and trap young models and teenage girls in performing sex acts with defendant Epstein" and sprinkling your complaint with colorful scenarios like "plaintiff told defendant Epstein 'I'm Old Yella' and began barking like a dog" and "Jeffrey Epstein went into the bathroom and came out several minutes later wearing red lipstick and wearing a matted red wig and said to plaintiff 'Call me Janice'" is probably not the way to do it. It is, however, a good way to prove you are completely and fully batshit insane.
She (He) Has a History [NYP]
Earlier: Daily Intel's Coverage of the Unroch-Epstien-Cordera Triangle
Looks like the Scores strippers who planned to dress up and volunteer at the Puppetry Arts Theater's annual Halloween Carnival in Park Slope this Saturday are going to have to put away their sexy cat outfits. After the Daily News reported today that they'd be doing things like passing out candy and boobing — sorry, bobbing — for apples with the impressionable children, the girls were promptly disinvited. "They told me they did Toys for Tots, and they were looking to volunteer, and I was pleased to have them," Puppet Arts founder Timothy Young explained to Intel this morning. "I mean, there were only three of them, and what's the big deal about what this particular girl does for a living, you know?" But Young wasn't expecting the girls to take the news of their good works to the papers. "They wanted to let the community know, look how great we are!" he said. It backfired. This morning, MS-51, where the carnival was to be held, recoiled. They might even cancel the event, Young says. "The school doesn't want the bad publicity, and we offer no disrespect to the school. But if this thing cancels, we're going to have a lot of problems." Yeah. No one can throw a fit quite like a Park Slope kid.
Scores Strippers Pass Out Candy[NYDN]
Daniel Libeskind is still optimistic about ground zero. Or, you know, not entirely bitter. "That site will come back to life in a way that is not banal," he explained during a House & Garden panel discussion at Hunter College last week. It will have "as much public space as I could have possibly put in it," he added. The topic of the H&G panel was "The Future Face of New York" and focused mostly on sustainable building and expansion. "It doesn't happen by miracle, it happens by enlightened social policy," Libeskind explained. It seems like he learned at least one thing about his ground-zero experience: "Democracy is about garnering consensus," he mused. That's helpful — but is it a real solution to the fact that there will be a million more people in New York in 2030? We're not sure. Then again, we read H&G for the pictures of rich people's window treatments. —Darrell HartmanRelated:The Liberation of Daniel Libeskind [NYM]
Stop the presses! We have the best sighting for you: Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner were out dining together last night at Philippe with Rupert Murdoch! They noshed on the restaurant's famous chicken satay, they giggled, and they talked seriously. "They definitely looked like they were having a working dinner," said our spy. "Cordial and serious but some laughs at the table." Wait a minute. Jared Kushner, owner of the cash-strapped Observer, took his lady to a fancy midtown restaurant to have a serious talk with Rupert Murdoch, the owner of the largest media conglomerate in the world. Can this mean what we think it means? We're reluctant to acknowledge the implication of this power sighting, but we'll just have to face the possibility: J-Vanka might be into The Lifestyle.
Take a look at the cover of the J.Crew catalog on the left. It's two pretty models zipped into hoodie sweatshirts together. How sweet! Look closer. Recognize the ginger on the left? It's Jessica Joffe, the former Observer assistant turned model who has previously appeared in campaigns for Banana Republic and Uniqlo. You may remember her from the New York Times, where she described herself and her boyfriend Ryan Adams as "Like, a low-rent, mall version of Sid and Nancy." She looks kind of smug in that picture, huh? Well, if you were a twentysomething Stanford grad who models for a living and lives with a rock-star boyfriend, you might be smug, too. We'd say something bitter and catty, but we're afraid Ryan Adams would come after us with his words.
Earlier:New Uniqlo Model Jessica Joffe Doesn't Read the Paper
Today Cindy Adams predicts that Wesley Clark is in line to be Hillary Clinton's running mate. He recently endorsed her, and Adams points out that four years ago, the two of them were the big Democratic stars. Interesting! Or, at least it would be, if Cindy Adams were at all a political expert. She's not, and neither are we. But since America is probably going to have to deal with the whole running-mate issue earlier than ever this year, we thought we'd pile on with our prediction of whom she'll anoint. After all, if Hill really wants to cement her position as the de facto Democratic nominee, why not go all the way? Barring any of the other candidates, we think she's going to pick Indiana Senator Evan Bayh. Why? If you've even bothered reading this far down, you might as well click through to the jump to read our crackpot logic.
No, literally — it's all about gold. Rupert Murdoch's new cable channel ran multiple segments on gold in its first week, which we thought was a little weird. But after we watched the hundredth paid advertisement for gold (damn watching TV in real time!), we thought, maybe it makes sense. If your sponsors are talking about it, why shouldn't you? Anyway, you may be wondering how on earth we happened to notice something like that. It's because we have been watching FBN every day, ALL WEEK. Yes! We love Alexis Glick, Neil Cavuto, and their motley crew of optimism pirates. They're irresistible (especially young NYSE floor reporter Nicole Petallides, who makes rival Maria Bartiromo look like the Jessica Tandy in Driving Miss Daisy) and their financial joy is maddeningly, confusingly infectious. After the jump, our other favorite FBN moments from a week of watching.
This morning we received an e-mail from our new favorite person, William J. Unroch. For those just tuning in, William is the lawyer representing the 23-year-old model who the other day filed a suit against banker and Clinton friend Jeffrey Epstein claiming he asked her to perform "bizarre" sex acts at the tender age of 16. It's a curious case, not least because William, 57, is not only the plaintiff's lawyer, but also her boyfriend. He's also a modeling agent, a prolific blogger, and now, possibly, a healer? A modern Renaissance man!
So earlier Gawker followed up on our post about William Unroch, the lawyer who's representing 23-year-old Maximilia Cordero against alleged underage-model sexer Jeffrey Epstein, and discovered that in addition to his Website, William has a fantastic blog, on which he talks about his two girlfriends — "wifey 2 who is 18 almost 19 requires lots of attention" and "wifey 1 who is 23 only requires money" ahem — and basically flamboyantly exhibits the fact that he has no credibility whatsoever. But he's super entertaining! And so, to end the day, we'll leave you with one of William Unroch's Deep Thoughts.
Met 17 year old supermodel Laura in Riverside Park. She was incredibly awesome. I felt like Charlie Brown the first time he actually met the great pumpkin. This kid was more together in her little pinky than all the jewish housewifes in Long Island and maybe even Queens put together in one smoldering lump of dirty doo doo.
I can't even think of anything nasty to say. Anyway this convinced me that the terror of the stinky middle aged girl friend(which I never had) is not the answer to Darfur or West End Avenue for that matter. Like the Bard said. "Truth is beauty, beauty truth. That's all ye know on earth and all ye need to know."
Happily, Maximillia Cordero, the 23-year-old model who filed a lawsuit against Jeffrey Epstein yesterday claiming he forced her to perform "bizarre and unnatural sex acts" back when she was 16, is in capable hands. Literally! It turns out the lawyer who filed the complaint, 57-year-old William Unroch, is also her boyfriend, and he's as familiar with the shady modeling business as he is with the curve of a young woman's thigh. How? He runs his own model-management service, with a special focus on helping out young, naïve girls who are thinking about moving to the city to start a modeling career, since, as he notes, "New York is also filled with aggressive people who often take advantage of weak-minded young people." But luckily, William is there to help them with this most important step in their careers!
Friendly neighborhood Discover magazine owner and Penthouse scion Bob Guccione Jr. objects to our recent characterization of his actions in the item "Bob Guccione Jr. Prefers Backdoor Approach to Firing," so he sent us the following letter last week. Though we called the magazine offices while writing the item, which we stand by, and later spoke with a publicist who did not issue an official statement, Guccione would like to say his piece, and who are we to stop him? Since we're all about reader feedback (and self-flagellation), we're reprinting it for your edification:
I just want to point out that your reporter’s half baked attempt to get ahold of me (or anyone else apparently) hardly constitutes a real, journalistically professional attempt to verify facts. And I think it was particularly incumbent on him to do so, since the item was fixed on me personally and obviously designed to ridicule me.
Did you guys see the clips of Matt Lauer's quietly uncomfortable interview with alleged toe-tapping senator Larry Craig on this morning's Today show? So did Rosie O'Donnell, and she has something to say about it on her cryptic blog:
you know there have been many whispers about matt lauer and his marriage woes
and another baby
i am watching
as he grills senator craig
and his shell shocked wife
about their sexy gay secrets
it makes me sick
in every way
Ever since "Page Six" mentioned that director Adam Christian Clark was making a film about Charles LeDuff's short story "The Editor: A Man I Despise," we've been looking for it online. The story is allegedly a roman à clef about LeDuff's former bosses at the New York Times, so obviously we were dying to see it. And it has arrived! The trailer is available on YouTube and on the director's Website, and we've included it here for your sick enjoyment (click image to watch). We have absolutely no idea what's going on in these clips, but man, it looks intense. Who is Mather Cox, the protagonist editor, supposed to be? Why is it in black-and-white? Does the soundtrack of impending dread continue through the entire film? Oh, dear, so many questions, so little three-point lighting!
Adam Christian Clark [Official site]
Earlier today, we noted that the Us Weekly set seems to be migrating from Los Angeles to New York, what with Lindsay Lohan and Brangelina and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Brandon Fucking Davis all settling in, and Jennifer Aniston talking about moving. We don't know exactly why this is happening. Could the Second Gilded Age, with its luxury apartment buildings and $400 omakase menus, have created a kind of reverse gold rush, with the very rich moving here to liquidate? Are they really running from the paparazzi, as they say? Or are glare of TMZ's klieg lights, combined with the massive brown pollution cloud that hovers over Los Angeles, just really bad for your skin?
Jennifer Aniston says she'd like to move to New York in the latest issue of Harper's Bazaar. “I don’t know, I’m just tired of Los Angeles," she told the fashion mag. "In New York, you’re not just in that same car, looking at that same dashboard, driving down the same street.” We know your first reaction is, What will the Jolie-Pitts think, since they've only just set up house here? But we think the bigger news is that there's lately been a celebrity diaspora. Many stars are leaving their traditional homeland of Los Angeles and winding up living in exile in New York. After the Jolie-Pitts came Lindsay Lohan, who is a symbol of La La Land practically as important as Grauman's Chinese Theater (and has welcomed nearly as many visitors).
Guess what we did this morning? We got up and watched Fox Business Network, so you didn't have to! Today was the channel's first day in action, and the energy was high. Like mid-2006 housing market high. As in, everybody's so high it's a little uncomfortable to watch. Their morning show, Money for Breakfast (oh, that's right), is hosted by Peter Barnes and Alexis Glick. Barnes seems to handle the straight news, while Glick runs around doing interviews and special features with the inexplicable mania of Ann Curry on speed ("LOOK AT THOSE CUFF LINKS!" she told a reporter. "HE MUST BE SPENDING"). Want to know what else we like? Since, unlike some people, we don't have a fancy, jumbo-size information ticker, you'll have to go after the jump.
Onetime epicenter of cool, the Royalton Hotel, reopens next week after a sweeping redesign aimed at recapturing the film, fashion, and media elite who once swelled its halls. The relaunch has been plagued with misfortune so far, including the resignation of Morgans Hotel group CEO Ed Sheetz after the death of his girlfriend. The week Sheetz resigned, a Morgan Stanley analyst wrote to clients noting that it was difficult to advise they put "fresh money" into Morgans, which also runs New York's Morgans and Hudson Hotels, Miami's famed Delano, and L.A.'s Mondrian, given the economy and debt related to construction of new Vegas properties. Now, the latest news is that Morgans took the unusual step last week of adopting a "poison pill" stock structure that shields the company, largely credited with inventing the chic boutique hotel concept, against a hostile takeover.
Last week we printed an e-mail that was going around, in which a banker (and we think we know who) responded to a Craigslist post from a "spectacularly beautiful" woman who was offering a lifetime of sexy servitude to a hedge-fund type in exchange for a life of uptown leisure. The author of the response took issue with the woman's offer, saying that "in economic terms," she was a "depreciating asset" because her beauty will fade while he was an "earning asset" because his wealth would continue in perpetuity. It was awful and sexist but funny, so we all laughed and then that was that. But now, the "Depreciating Asset," or someone claiming to be her, has written a response to the responseon Craigslist.
If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the "outflows" associated with my depreciating "assets" are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation.
Whoever the lady is, she's not as facile with the economics as she would like us to believe — the post reads like she's consulting a textbook. But she does get in some good ones!