It's been a rough couple of weeks for anyone who likes their news served modestly. From Paterson's girls to McGreevey's wings, politicians are on overshare overdrive, and Americans are suffering. It's time to chart the moments when titillation turns to revulsion.
Well, the Post really dropped the ball on the whole David Paterson affair story (their version of the tale was devoid of quotes from the new governor, and filled with the line "the Post has learned" without the polite "from the Daily News" after it), but man, are they on top of the McGreevey threesome story. "IT WAS 3-MENDOUS" blares their headline. (All the News could come up with was "McOrgy." Lame.) Andrea Peyser called the series of trysts between Jim McGreevey, Dina Matos McGreevey, and limo driver Teddy Pedersen as "T.G.I. Friday's Three-For All." Shrieks Peyser:
The couple frequently enjoyed dinner a trois, before retiring to lick leftover spicy Buffalo wing sauce and chive-immersed sour cream from Pedersen's body. Lord knows what they did with the fried mozzarella sticks.
Come on, Andrea — you know exactly what they did with them. If you didn't have such a vivid imagination for the tawdry and disgusting, you'd be out slicing oranges in Prospect Park with the rest of the soccer moms. Anyway, the best part of today's updates on the McNage à trois was that the former governor was quick to confirm the sexual encounters, just as his estranged wife immediately denied them. The problem with having sex with more than one person at a time, you see, is that suddenly it's not your word against his. It's your word against his and the cute limo driver's*. And that, like most situations involving sex and mozzarella sticks, is an uncomfortable situation in which to find yourself.
Matos McGreevey denies threesomes; Jim McGreevey confirms aide's account [NYDN]
MCG: IT WAS 3-MENDOUS SEX [NYP]
*Did anyone else notice that Ted Pedersen is 29 now, which means that he was 20ish when these affairs took place before 2001. Wow. Go-Go Gadget McGreeveys!
At first we were grateful for the Eliot Spitzer prostitute scandal — it provided a much-needed beak from the endless horror that has been the Democratic-primary campaign. But now, less than a week after it broke, we're suffering from Spitzer fatigue. Isn't there anything else tawdry and embarrassing to talk about? We've sort of burnt out all of our nerve endings regarding Spitzer. It's like Britney Spears — we're all out of sorry. Lo and behold, yesterday we learned that there is something more tawdry and embarrassing than a married governor using hookers: a married governor having threesomes with his wife and male limo driver. Combined with the added bonus that the wife, despite having seen him frolicking in bed with another man, says she is shocked to learn that he's gay. (Lady, regardless of whether there was another penis in the room, straight men do not "frolic," mmkay?) And thus, Jim McGreevey, Dina Matos McGreevey, and hunky driver Teddy Pedersen have relieved us from our Spitzer doldrums.
• As Mayor Bloomberg continues to deny that he's running for president, the Times reports that his top aides have been testing that scenario for the last two years. Just a coincidence! [NYT]
• With mere hours left until the legislative session ends, Governor Spitzer is leaning on Shelly Silver to consider congestion pricing. Spitzer's bold step: to "discuss creating a commission of experts." Ooh, effective! [NYS]
• In Episode 4,387 of the McGreevey soap opera, the ex-gov filed new papers with a New Jersey family court — to dismiss Dina Matos's charge that his coming-out had traumatized their daughter. [NYP]
• Despite some politicians' calls for a rent freeze, the Rent Guidelines Board has recommended increases "between 2 and 4.5 percent" (in other words, 4.5 percent) on New York's stabilized apartments. [amNY]
• And a guy goes on the lam for violating probation, gets tracked down by U.S. marshals right here in Manhattan, fights the arrest, breaks his arm, and goes to jail. That the guy is a close friend of Bernard Kerik's shouldn't be much of a shock. [NYDN]
Michael Moore's new documentary, Sicko, points out how much money Hillary Clinton raises from health-care companies, and Harvey Weinstein tried to get him to remove a scene about it. Angelina Jolie claimed she was sorry Fox News was banned from her A Mighty Heart premiere, but then she banned Us Weekly and Life & Style (but not People and OK!) from the print-press roundtables. Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey might adopt a kid with his partner. Rosie O'Donnell really wants to host The Price Is Right, but the show's producers may not be into it. Lindsay Lohan may spend her 21st-birthday party in rehab because she is taking it seriously this time. That, or because Pure won't host a party for her. Former senator Al D'Amato may play a judge on Law & Order.
• Faux firefighter Peter Braunstein will be sentenced today at noon, and our short citywide nightmare shall be over. Oh, jeez, will he write a book in jail? Clemency! [amNY]
• The Matos-vs.-McGreevey matter keeps getting more colorful. Now Dina Matos is claiming her ex-husband is sabotaging not just her book sales but her charity work as well. Fellow fund-raisers snip that she's "taken her eye off the ball." [NYP]
• The New York State Restaurant Association is suing, mostly on behalf of fast-food franchises like McDonald's and Burger King, for the right not to disclose calorie count on the menus. They're crying Big Government. [Crain's NY]
• City Comptroller William Thompson is about to become housing activists' darling: He thinks the recent property-tax cut should trigger a rent freeze in stabilized apartments. [NYDN]
• And Eliot Spitzer is apparently ruining Albany's nightlife. Not through regulation, mind you; it's just that his staffers are more coffee-shop people than bar people. Figures. [NYT]
• The fallout from Sunday's Puerto Rican Day parade included 208 arrests, a huge increase from last year's 50 or so. The police insist all but ten of the arrested were "gang members." [NYT]
• First Connecticut was on the brink of legalizing medical marijuana; now New York is, too. The legislation may be heading for the governor's desk within ten days, and Spitzer, who earlier opposed the idea, now says he's open to it. [NYDN]
• After a long and suspenseful run-up, Mayor Bloomberg finally revealed his 25-year plan for "the first environmentally sustainable 21st-century city." On tap: enclosed highways, more green space, river cleanup — and $8 congestion charge. [NYT]
• Four Brooklyn policewoman have filed complaints against three of their superiors for allegedly calling them — you're not going to believe this — "nappy-headed ho's." (As in: "Don't give me no lip before I have to call you [one].") Great: postmodernist slur use. [NYDN]
• A Mets fan is pleading not guilty to "interfering with a professional sporting event"; he has allegedly tried to blind two Atlanta Braves players with a flashlight. He's represented by Legal Aid, which can always use a diversion, and faces a year in jail. [WNBC]
• Dina Matos McGreevey claims she had learned of her husband's sexuality early on, perhaps by 2000. Also: The Post should really stop calling McGreevey "McG" lest Charlie's Angels director McG sue. [NYP]
• And The Producers ended its Broadway run yesterday after 2,502 performances, leaving behind only fond memories. Well, and two movies. [amNY]