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Hillary Is F**king Obama

"On the floor, and when they talk about the war!" So sayeth the latest, awesome tribute to Sarah Silverman's "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" video.

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UBS Replaces Old Jerk With New Jerker

Jerker
Jerker Johansson, a 22-year veteran of Morgan Stanley and a close ally of former Morgan Stanley co-president Zoe Cruz, who was fired in December, was named the head of UBS's investment-banking operations this morning. He takes over from Huw Jenkins, who left in October after write-downs due to the subprime crisis, and CEO Marcel Rohner, who was serving as the interim head and who last month had the pleasure of announcing the largest-ever quarterly loss by a bank. Also, he is Swedish. Okay, let's face it: Dude will be based in London, so it's not like we care about him that much. We just wanted to say, Jerker. Jerker, Jerker, Jerker. Heh. UBS Names Johansson Chief for Investments [WSJ]

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I Poo

Toilet Wedding
This morning, Wednesday, December 19, 2007, Jennifer Cannon and Doy Nichols of Lexington, Kentucky, were married in the Charmin toilets in Times Square. Well, not in them, near them. The bride was wearing a toilet-paper wedding dress handmade using the Charmin brands Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong, and the groom was wearing a suit hand-knitted exclusively using thread made from the extraordinarily fibrous feces of Charmin bears Amy and Leonard, who also bore witness to the joyous occasion. As Jennifer and Doy pledged their eternal love, friends and family from their hometown expressed their delight by tossing scraps of toilet paper at the happy couple. Then everyone ate cake. Near the toilets. Okay, we were kidding about the poop suit. But the rest is too, too real.

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