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Andrea Peyser — Wait for It — Thinks Someone Is a Bonehead

That delightful harpy harshes on Dumbo, Robin Quivers leaves Staten Island for the Upper West Side, and a white Seattle woman gets stuck in Harlem and lives to tell. That and more tales of the miraculous in our daily boroughs report.

Chelsea, Now With Lap Pools!

Chelsea: New promo pics for the too-fabulous Yves (so French!) condo tell a smoldering story of love, lust, and on-site lap pools. [Curbed] Clinton Hill: Don't click here unless you're ready to see the dead, mutilated squirrel left in front of the home of this blogger. Revenge from a developer who got a snarky write-up? [Brownstoner] Downtown Brooklyn: The massive new real estate planned for the area may not be so massive overall...think 1.6 mil square feet of office space versus the 4.5 mil projected a few years ago. [NYO]

It's the Circle, the Circle of Homeless Life…

Coney Island: Is it really any surprise that arguably the creepiest Halloween freak show in the city is here? [Kinetic Carnival] Corona: The city has evicted rent-stabilized tenants to make room for homeless families, leaving the original families … uh, homeless. [NYDN via Queens Crap] Dumbo: The Village Voice thinks this is the Best Manhattan Neighborhood in Brooklyn, and it even comes with that all-important "nostalgic desolation" that Manhattan now lacks. [VV]

Manhattan Mini-Storage Ads Go Over Line, West Side Highway

Bushwick: It’s hard out there in the 'shwick … for a gay, twentysomething yuppie when he's waiting for the hood to gentrify so he can cash in on your property and leave. [BushwickBK] Chelsea: Manhattan Mini-Storage's ads can sometimes be annoying, but how excellent is it that this flagrantly pro-choice one, hangin' large over the West Side Highway, has NYC's six conservatives enraged? [Gothamist] Flushing: Brace yourself for a big, shiny new development here with a Home Depot, Target, and million-dollar condos for folks who, according to the developer, are "upscale, middle-income and multiethnic" … all at once! [OuterB] Gowanus: State enviro-honchos and Keyspan have reached an agreement on cleaning up the subterranean toxic goop at two sites in this area, plus at several others in the borough. [Gowanus Lounge] Kensington: Faced with choosing between two blights on society to fill a long-empty building — methadone users or law students — it seems locals will gladly suffer the latter. [Kensington Blog] Lower Manhattan: Is it an art installation … or the indoor bike-parking facility set up at 280 Broadway for city workers? Click and decide. [Streetsblog] Williamsburg: All the hipsters had a good, self-referential laugh last night during the McCarren Pool's screening of Bonnie and Clyde when the screen duo's sidekick C.W. Moss is scolded by his dad not for being a criminal but for getting a tat. Ha ha ha, movie stars, they're just like Us! [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]

Botanical Fight: Who's Got the Greenest Block in Brooklyn?

Bedford-Stuyvesant: MacDonough between Stuyvesant and Lewis Avenues is the Greenest Block in Brooklyn, says the borough's Botanic Garden. [Gothamist] Bushwick: New condos on Wyckoff Avenue are cheaper than much of the market, but that's because the closest subway stop is Dekalb Avenue on the L. [Brownstoner] Dumbo: The grand opening of the Pearl Street Triangle is tomorrow at 12:30. Check out the benches, chairs, and potted trees. [Dumbo NYC] Greenpoint: What was that mysterious, brightly lit new storefront on Franklin last night? Hipsters? Poles? Fresh retail? [Greenpointers] Kensington: Folks in this up-and-coming enclave want you to know that recent crimes reported to have taken place here actually happened in Flatbush, okay? [Kensington (Brooklyn)] Long Island City: The neighborhood has spawned a new MP3 download service. [LICNYC] Williamsburg: Some locals dispute recent media assertions that the city has been cracking down on rogue construction around here. [Gowanus Lounge]

Hunting for Yuppies in Greenpoint

Corona: Is this the hot new Queens nabe? Is there a truly hot Queens nabe? [OuterB] East Village: So the new marketers of Stuy Town are spinning the open lawns there as "a park." But say some they’re not, technically. Ouch. [Atlantic Yards Report] Gowanus: Swank new condos are slated for the canal. How Venice — stench included. [BrooklynPaper] Greenpoint: The hood’s old-timers (or maybe it’s just kooky blogger Miss Heather) want to fuck up smack-talking yuppie insurgents. [Newyorkshitty] Kensington: Around these parts, they sneak pics of taggers, then pedal away like hell when the taggers spot ’em. Brave. [KensingtonBlog] Soho: Just because that proposed sanitation garage on Spring and Washington might be colorful doesn’t mean locals are any happier about it. [The Villager]

Cue the Violins in Park Slope and Kensington

Coney Island: The clowns have been sent. Cole Brothers Circus is on the old go-kart tracks through August 5. [Gowanus Lounge] East Village: Duane Reade finally has Harry Potter. There's no need to go without. [East Village Idiot] Jackson Heights: Mayor Bloomberg runs afoul of locals complaining about traffic, noise, and sanitation gripes. [FoxNews via QueensCrap] Kensington: Talk about a virtual inferiority complex: Locals here lament that their Wikipedia page is not as nice as Park Slope’s. Cue violins, please. [KensingtonBlog] Park Slope: Whine of the Day from the Slope set? “Why did they reduce driving hours in Central Park and not our park? Whaaa!” [Gowanus Lounge] Union Square: Beware the hordes of student filmmakers in the park today. [The Weblicist of Manhattan] Williamsburg: White middle-class preservationists faced off against nonwhite low-income affordable-housing proponents at a hearing over the future use of the Domino sugar factory. [Brownstoner]

High Line to Get New Glass Tower

Chelsea: Architect Stephen Holl surprised Charlie Rose last night when he announced on the TV show that he's designing a glassy tower for the "spur" of the High Line, at 30th Street. [BlogChelsea] Dumbo: Some jerk decapitated the Urban Fossil Bird Woman sculpture in Brooklyn Bridge Park! That wasn't very cool. [DumboNYC] Greenpoint: Locals will rally on Franklin Street tonight to say "No, No, No!" to harassment from landlords. [Newyorkshitty] Kensington: Check the expiration date on items from Foodtown, locals warn. [KensingtonBlog] Long Island City: Why is the Landmarks Preservation Commission fawning all over altered buildings on the LES but ignoring the historical buildings here? [Queens Crap] Times Square: Remember the halcyon days when a walk down 42nd Street would yield leers from a real live pervert … not a giant M&M ad? [Copyranter]

You Can Choose Your Friends, But You Can't Choose Your Friends' Condos

Astoria: Tonight at the Beer Garden, it's Harry and the Potters. Get drunk with your fellow nerds! [Joey in Astoria] Downtown Brooklyn: New buyers into 110 Livingston will be relieved of common charges for six months if they can convince a bud to buy in the building, too. [Curbed] Harlem: Rumors are flying that rich, new white residents want the name of Marcus Garvey Park — longtime site of the Saturday-night African drumming circle — changed back to Mount Morris Park. [Amsterdam News via Harlem Fur] Kensington: Local watchdogs regret to inform you that the hood ain't got much crime, save the occasional Peeping Tom or delivery-boy mugging. [Kensington Blog] Northwest Bronx: When Bronx councilmember Joel Rivera didn't show up at a meeting to address restaurant workers' rights, the workers flooded his office with "menus" demanding he hear them. [WestBronxNews] Sunset Park: Construction is under way here on … no, not a new luxury condo, but an actual public high school, complete with bright yellow squares on it! [IMBY] Upper East Side: Old-timers oppose a bike lane on a stretch of 91st Street that's become an unofficial park over the years. Younger locals support it. [Streetsblog]