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Kris Van Assche

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Cognac Burglar Breaks Into Osteria Del Circo

If you own a bar or restaurant, and a shady figure emerges with a hot deal on a bottle of Remy Martin Louis XIII, think twice before taking it – there’s a good chance it was stolen from Osteria del Circo late Friday night. Owner Mauro Maccioni, scion of Sirio, tells us that someone bashed in the eatery’s window, opened the vestibule door, and made off with two bottles of cognac — the Remy, which retails for around $2,000 a bottle, and Martell L’or, which usually retails for between $1,000 and $1,200. “I never heard of anything like it,” Maccioni tells us. “They didn’t even try to take anything else.” Only two explanations suffice for the bizarre crime: Either cognac connoisseurs are getting bolder or criminals more jaded in their appetites. Either way, lock up the liquor cabinets. And if you do see that bottle, as Mauro says ominously, “the Maccionis would like it back.”

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Maddened Teens Attack Clinton Hill’s Locanda Vini e Olii

Clinton Hill: Teens getting more than frisky this spring: Two hooligans terrorized Locanda Vini e Olii by attempting to crash outdoor metal chairs through the glass façade during Friday’s dinner service. [Brooklyn Record] Dumbo: Foragers Market has an inspired banana display. [Dumbo NYC] East Village: The new bar entered through Crif Dogs and known as PDT does not take its name from ”Please Don't Tell.” A pierced girl says it’s Porno Dog Tavern. [Down by the Hipster] Harlem: West 145th Street welcomes a Starbucks. [Uptown Flavor] Long Island City: Fresh Start natural grocer is opening a garden to allow you to enjoy the prepared foods outdoors and, one hopes, to lend out to community groups. [Joey in Astoria] Midtown West: Aureole is moving to One Bryant Park. [NYM] Prospect-Lefferts-Gardens: Papa’s market not only has nice cheese, but Papa wants to ride the wonderful wave that is gentrification and renovate. [Across the Park]

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Just In: Curry Craziness in Midtown

Reports from the scene of the newly opened Go!Go! Curry indicate that lines for the first branch of the Japanese takeout joint are at lengths unseen since the days of Beard Papa's opening. "Over 40 people in line," said one curry craver about half an hour ago. "I had to get lunch elsewhere." We just called the restaurant to discover the line is still down the block. "Maybe you will wait 30 minutes," we were told. Is it worth it? Well, it's true that servings of curry over rice (with your choice of shrimp, chicken, pork, etc.) are just 55 cents until 9:55 tonight, but wait till nightfall and you'll get even more bang for your half-buck: The Website attempts to curry favor by informing us that there's free parking on 38th Street after 7 p.m.! Go!Go! Curry, 273 W. 38th St., nr. Eighth Ave.; 212-730-5555.

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The Lesbian Player

Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Lesbian Player: female, 27, Spanish Harlem, product-development manager, single. DAY 1 10:00 a.m.: Met ex at airport. Kissed and hugged. Kissed more. 12:00 p.m.: Car broke down. While waiting for AAA to show up, we played "I remember when" and she stroked my arms with very light tickles. We made plans for nookie later on in the day but got distracted by the car. 7:00 p.m.: After dinner we cuddled and watched some TiVo. Light tickles turned into heavy petting and then lots of kissing and full-body tickles. My shirt came off right away, and we were rolling on the floor making out and rubbing each other's bodies. We very quickly ran to the bedroom. I pleased her first. And she liked it. I picked up some new finger tricks from my current Lady Friend (a friend with benefits) and used them on her. She liked them. Then she pleased me and we cuddled. I fell asleep almost immediately. 10:00 p.m.: Felt guilty about not telling my Lady Friend. I think she has feelings for me that she is not telling me about.

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Rangers Lose; New Yorkers Shrug

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The Rangers’ season ended yesterday afternoon with a 5-4 loss to Buffalo in the NHL's Eastern Conference semifinals at Madison Square Garden. You may or may not know this; it being a hockey game, you may not care. Indeed, New Yorkers seem to care about this so little that our mayor couldn’t even be bothered to bet a Junior’s cheesecake on the series. And that's exactly why, we realized as we sat in the last row of the Garden yesterday, watching a handful of exultant Sabres fans, we were almost happy for the other guys: We — New Yorkers, that is — just didn't want it. We didn't need it. In Buffalo, the Sabres are a point of civic pride, perhaps the point. Here, the Rangers are a perpetual second fiddle. There's football in the fall, basketball in the winter, baseball in the spring. Today’s tabloids tell you all you need to know: a couple of inches on the back page for the Blueshirts; the rest of the back cover — and most of the front — for Roger Clemens. When yesterday's buzzer sounded, Rangers fans sighed, moved on, and shifted their attention to baseball. But in Buffalo it’s not so easy. If the Sabres lose, that’s it till football season. And we know how that tends to work out. —Joe DeLessio

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