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Larry David

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We Can Pretty Much Already Guess the Plot of the Next Woody Allen Movie

Well, see, because it was just announced that Larry David and Evan Rachel Wood will star in the movie. And Larry David is old and neurotic and creepy, and Evan Rachel Wood is young and beautiful and innocent-looking, so probably there will be an entire gross plot point that … well, you know what we're saying, we don't have to spell it out in the excerpt.

Bill Clinton Made Rosie O'Donnell Cry

Rosie
Rosie O'Donnell burst into tears after Bill Clinton called her and apologized for being unfaithful to his wife. The guy who won the marathon said he did so by refraining from sex and eating pasta. Katie Holmes said her marathon run was "hard, but good." (She also wore a velvet Hermès gown to a Museum of the Moving Image event honoring her husband.) Damien Hirst installed a bunch of dead sheep carcasses in formaldehyde tanks at Lever House. Ousted Citigroup chief Chuck Prince didn't say hi to Sandy Weill at the Four Seasons. Annie Lennox gave a bunch of fans the finger. Governor Spitzer, Governor Corzine, and Nora Ephron went on a triple date to Cafe Boulud.

J.Lo's Pregnancy Spoiler

Jennifer Lopez will supposedly announce that she's pregnant during her show at MSG on Saturday night. Jessica Simpson's people say she didn't drink and dash at the Box — her friend just accidentally took the receipt slip with him. Rosie O'Donnell did an impromptu ten-minute stand-up set during a show by Roseanne Barr at Comix. (Rita Crosby was there, despite having been served a subpoena earlier in the day.) Mariah Carey doesn't know how many bathrooms are in her Tribeca penthouse. Howard Stein, the nightlife honcho behind eighties hangouts Xenon and Rock Lounge, died at 62. The Port Authority says the quality of its toilet paper is much improved, contrary to what Larry David said on last week's episode of Curb. GLAAD forced "Page Six" to apologize for calling the pre-op transsexual who has a reality show on Fox a "she-male."

Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld Are a Little Gross

Anderson Cooper talks to his young gay friends about AIDS. Jerry Seinfeld brags about the time Jessica Seinfeld touched a stick covered in urine to his bed pillow. Meanwhile, ex-Seinfeld producer Larry David couldn't be happier he's lost the ball and chain. Liz Smith finds Charlie Sheen more palatable than Denise Richards. Notorious PR pit bull Pat Kingsley has "FINALLY" resigned from PMK-HBH — or is she being "pushed out?" Donald Trump called both Mark Cuban and Dan Rather "losers" in the same day. That is, like, his favorite word.

The Lohans: Reunited and It Feels So Sober

Demi Moore freaked out at the Miss Sixty fashion show when she found out her driver couldn't bring her car around. Kathleen Wiley thinks the Clintons stole a manuscript of her new book, which she says contains information that could damage Hillary's presidential bid. A photo of jet-riding "Money Honey" Maria Bartiromo and husband Jonathan Steinberg in Hamptons magazine happens to be opposite an ad titled, "Planning on Having an Affair?" Liza Minelli will sing the national anthem before the U.S. Open men's final because everyone else will be at the VMAs. Vanessa Hudgins' rep confirmed that the nude photo of her that's making the rounds is authentic. Kim Porter may still love Diddy, exhibited by the fact that she gazed into his eyes at Tenjune.

Divorces, Horses, and So On

Paula Zahn's friends say she wanted to stay in the Fifth Avenue apartment she shares with soon-to-be ex-husband Richard Cohen for the sake of their kids, but he made it too difficult. Lou Dobbs's daughter Hillary won the Open Jumper Class (and $7,500) at the Hampton Classic Horse Show. (Soon-to-be-mom Kelly Klein also rode there.) Heather Mills has racked up a number of parking tickets in her Bentley convertible in East Hampton. NYU's school newspaper went out of its way to point out that people use the campus library to commit suicide and hook up on Craigslist. Larry David doesn't like fund-raisers on yachts in Martha's Vineyard. Courtney Love is blaming ex-boyfriend Steve Coogan for Owen Wilson's attempted suicide, and now Coogan is worried about his career prospects. The New York Times has a clear anti-Yankees bias, "Page Six" says.

Oh, Poor Fashion Week

Fewer Hollywood stars than usual are expected at Fashion Week when it starts September 5, because the Emmys and the MTV Video Music Awards are the same week. Dan Rather was confused by the "Thriller" dance stunt performed by Katie Couric's staff last week, though he thinks her job is safe. Arianna Huffington may be dating Newark mayor Cory Booker. Cuba Gooding Jr., who is married with three kids, recently made out with five girls in one night at Tenjune. Jeremy Piven got into a heated argument with his mother at Nobu Malibu, though it's unclear about what. Gwyneth Paltrow has been trekking around Spain with Mario Batali for a PBS cooking show (and hubby Chris Martin almost didn't get into the premiere of her brother's new movie). Cameron Diaz had a romantic dinner with John Mayer at Mai House in Tribeca. Residents of Martha's Vineyard are happy that Larry David and Laurie are broken up and that Larry is dating again.

Regan Outfoxes News Corp.?

Judith Regan has secret tapes that may help her $20 million lawsuit against Rupert Murdoch. The Land Rovers and helicopters used to launch a new Ralph Lauren cologne may have disturbed a community of East Hampton piping plovers. Cindy Adams, who has a vendetta against Larry David because he dissed her once, claims that Laurie had been stepping out on him for quite some time (and that he's being set up with Ellen Barkin). Olivia Newton-John really liked Xanadu. OK! dropped $400,000 on sex pics of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo, but the mag won't publish them. Claire Danes may have landed the lead in the Pygmalion revival because the director directed her boyfriend in Journey's End. Annie Leibowitz angered the Queen of England by asking her to remove her crown during a photo shoot.