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Lucy Liu

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Fans to Joe Torre: Did You Get a Haircut?'

Joe Torre's new look, Ashlee Simpson's continued Saturday Night Live ban, and Rudy Giuliani's black eye — read all about it in our daily roundup of the juice in New York's gossip columns.

Ashton Kutcher Borrows Madonna’s Guest List for His 30th

Ashton and Demi
Ha-ha, Los Angeles! You see what happens when you threaten to take the Oscars away from the pretty people? They come here to New York to party! Okay, so maybe it's more that Madonna just invited them all to come to New York, and you can't say no to Her Madgesty (she clearly knows how to do that Famke Janssen kill move from Goldeneye, and she likes it). But still, her Gucci/Malawi party was on Wednesday, and according to PageSix.com and Us Weekly, many celebs stuck around last night to attend Ashton Kutcher's birthday party at Gemma. Kutcher claims it was his 30th birthday, and to celebrate, Salma Hayek, François-Henri Pinault, Lucy Liu, Bruce Willis, and Kate Hudson all showed up. Madonna even sang "Happy Birthday" (okay, for all our bitterness, we must admit that's pretty effing cool)! Later in the evening they went to Socialista, where they were joined by Roberto Cavalli, Rebecca Gayheart, Molly Sims, Liv Tyler, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Nice job, Ashton! Way to party like it's still 1999! Demi Moore's A-List Birthday Bash for Ashton Kutcher [Us Weekly] Ashton's A-List B-Day [PageSix.com]

Brooke Shields Shares the Love on ‘Lipstick’

Brooke Shields
Lipstick Jungle may top Cashmere Mafia because Jungle star Brooke Shields is nicer to her castmates than Mafia star Lucy Liu is to hers. Details editor Dan Peres says he's going crazy and putting on weight because wife Sarah Wynter is pregnant. Kid Rock paid a busboy at Southern Hospitality $1,000 after he returned a $200,000 watch found on the floor of the bathroom that belonged to a Rock posse member. Val Kilmer was spotted running around town with Chad Lowe's girlfriend, Kim Painter. Boston Celtics star Paul Pierce refused to use his credit card at Tenjune and left to go find a club where he could use cash. Donald Trump is hosting a Celebrity Apprentice party at Tenjune during Fashion Week. Uma Thurman and boyfriend Arpad Busson were all over each other at lunch at Lever House.

The Fug Girls: A New TV Diet for Spring!

With Hollywood's warring writers and producers seemingly spending more time on PR statements than negotiations, it's going to be a long, wretched winter for television fans. To patch scheduling holes, networks are rushing out "mid-season replacements" (everything from game shows to reality hours) — essentially, shows that are handy in a pinch, but weren't good enough to debut in the fall. It's the idea that if there's no water at the oasis, we'll just drink the sand; too bad for them we're not so easily satisfied. However, we ARE easily bored without our stories, so if our holiday wish for a speedy, fair strike resolution is impossible, then it'll take some crafty TV-diet substitutions to get us through the drought. Here are a few simple swaps: American Gladiators. The show that brought us such spandex-wrapped warriors as "Turbo" and "Zap" obviously occupies its own vital place in TV history. But it also ably replaces the absent 24. Think about it: Jack Bauer runs a lot. He sweats. He does things to America, for America. And he likes to hit people with blunt objects. If he'd had the wherewithal to do it all with a Speedo and a tennis-ball cannon, you'd never even know the difference.

‘It Takes a Special Kind of Man to Want to Stick It in the Girl in the Philip Treacy Lobster Hat’

We came across a copy of Simon Doonan's upcoming book, Eccentric Glamour: Creating an Insanely More Fabulous You, and even though it's not coming out until April, we are going to tell you a little bit about it now, because it is kind of awesome. In it, Doonan interviews the insanely fabulous and the fabulously insane — everyone from Dita Von Teese to Malcolm Gladwell — about their unique personal styles. The book is "intended as a wake-up call to the women of America to eschew the contemporary porno-chic trend and inject a little classy eccentricity into their fashion choices," Doonan wrote in the Observer last summer, and it's more a rumination on what glamour is than the style manual the title implies, but if you use it as such, you might be lucky enough to end up like Amy Fine Collins, who says her fashion choices cause her to get lots of attention from "homeless, gay, black street people." How fun is that? Just don't try and take them with you to the Waverly Inn.

Ew, Lance Armstrong Is Hooking Up with Ashley Olsen?

Lance Armstrong
Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen hooked up at Rose Bar and then left at 2 a.m. The Jewish Theater of New York claims that the Times won't review its plays because the paper is anti-Semitic; the Times says it won't review its plays because they are bad. Kim Cattrall actually showed up to work before the other SATC cast mates for once. AOL chairman and CEO Randy Falco was roasted by Bob Costas and Brian Williams, among others. Ivana Trump made a kind of funny joke about Harper's Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey being the devil in Prada at Denise Rich's Angel Ball. (Diddy also left the ball with model May Anderson.) Michael Jackson went to Brooklyn to shoot a cover for Ebony magazine and was sweet despite prattling on about how much he likes kids.

Alan Cumming Finds Hilarity in Unexpected Places

"There is a long sequence where I torture him … and there are all these blood spurts, and then you think I am going to set him on fire. It's funny — almost hilarious in parts."