You know how you kind of wonder whether celebrities are all friends with one another? Like, do they all go to each other's houses in Los Angeles and play parlor games on Saturday nights? Has Natalie Portman, for example, ever had to do Benicio Del Toro during the charades portion of Celebrity — which required her to point at her friend Scarlett Johansson sitting on the couch and then do a pantomime of having sex in an elevator? Well, we've always imagined life in La La Land to be like that. You know, like everyone has sort of all slept together and given one another weird, unfunny nicknames. And sometimes there are moments in pop culture that confirm our suspicions. This weekend had one of them, and it wasn't the Oscars. No, the biggest clue that being famous is like being on the indoor-track team in high school was actually Jimmy Kimmel's brilliant musical debut, "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck." It was, of course, a follow-up to Sarah Silverman's "I'm Fucking Matt Damon," and although the musical caliber is a lot lower, the self-loving celebrity rate is off the charts. Click above to enjoy. It's like Ocean's Twelve, but watchable.
• The nation's largest mortgage lender, Countrywide Financial, almost out of credit. Oh. No. [NYP]
• Recent hedge-fund woes look far from contained — they've even inspired a country song. [DealBook/NYT]
• Chuck Schumer's bright new plan for taxing private equity: raise taxes on all partnerships, not just big firms like Blackstone. How Democratic. [Reuters via DealBook/NYT]
Former DNC chair Terry McAuliffe says he once had a fight with Harvey Weinstein over Bill Clinton; Weinstein denies it. Madonna didn't fire back at Angelina Jolie over her adoption comments, but she did defend Rosie O'Donnell. Speaking of which: Rosie and Howard Stern used to be enemies but are now friends. Macy Gray was almost arrested in Barbados for cursing on stage. Lindsay Lohan's mom is not exactly the best role model for Lindsay. New York Giant LaVar Arrington, on the other hand, is a good role model. An aide of City Council Speaker Christine Quinn senses some vulnerability in Assemblyman Andrew Hevesi's hold on his seat, and may run for it. Dolce and Gabanna have a pictorial spread in W that some say is a cheap knockoff of a spread Tom Ford had in the same magazine. Disgraced former Miss Nevada might bare all (or, at least, more than you've seen) for Playboy. Stephen Dorff uses text messaging to try to pick up Australian model Miranda Kerr. The son of John Phillips and brother of Bijou Phillips wants to be famous. Sharon Stone'sBasic Instinct 2 was proclaimed the "Worst-Reviewed Movie of the Year" by Rotten Tomatoes. George Takei is too old to run marathons anymore. Rev. Ted Haggard's former male prostitute, Mike Jones, is writing a book. Liz Smith enjoyed Rupert Everett's autobiography.