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Midlife Crises

  1. advice
    Ask Polly: Is Life All Downhill From Here?Don’t assume that the future is even worse that the present.
  2. Here’s Another Thing Ben Affleck Didn’t Commit ToMidlife crisis averted?
  3. heroes
    Jennifer Garner Refuses to Be Blamed for Ben Affleck’s Hideous Back Tattoo“Bless his heart.”
  4. the most important people in the world
    General Wesley Clark Wore Khakis to the ClubYes, he went to the club. In the meatpacking district!
  5. quotables
    Michelle Obama Bangs Result of Midlife CrisisNot a lot of options for a First Lady.
  6. the morning line
    Maxwell Wheat Will Not Be L.I. Poet Laureate • Nassau County had its first poet laureate all picked out: Maxwell Corydon Wheat Jr. Then they discovered his poem that begins “Males and one woman / Sip coffee mornings in the White House, / Talk of desires about Iraq.” So that’s a no. Good call, incidentally: The poem is beyond awful. [NYT] • Meet Dr. Alain Kaloyeros, a SUNY-Albany nanotech scientist who happens to be the best-remunerated state employee in New York. After last week’s record pay hike, his various salaries add up to an annual windfall of $947,538. Not that anyone’s counting. [NYP] • Nothing like a crazed-insurance-broker yarn: Noel Lauria bought a bow and fired arrows out his UES window, landing a stray one through a neighbor’s terrace door. His explanation to the cops: “I’m turning 40.” [NYDN] • Oh, goody, another “edgy” magician dangling over Times Square. The ingredients in the current mess: a guy named Criss Angel, a glass box, 6,000 pounds of concrete, and a crappy A&E show to promote. Go concrete! [amNY] • And over the weekend, all manner of deformed, tattooed, and hairy freaks played baseball. Also, there was a Coney Island charity game, with the Sideshow By the Seashore performers battling the Cyclone staff. See what we did there? [Metro NY]