Jennifer Lopez has checked into her private room at Long Island's North Shore University Hospital, presumably so that she can give birth to the babies that have been making her look majorly fat lately. This very important news comes to us courtesy of "Page Six," and since the Post went to press last night, this could mean that babies are bursting out of J.Lo's vagina right this very second. Not that we would know if they were, because the hospital is on lockdown. According to the esteemed New Zealand Herald, Lopez has "banned staff from entering the room where she is due to give birth." This is likely due to the fact that People magazine has reportedly offered $6.5 million for pictures of the twins, the most money a baby has fetched since the magazine paid $4 million for pics of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt in 2004. However, since there are two Lopez babies, it's really only $3.25 million per twin, and that's is kind of a slap in the face if you think about it. In any case,* the black-market number for purloined photos is said to be significantly higher. We hear Star is offering an undisclosed but gargantuan sum to anyone who can bring them a photo of the twins with the umbilical cord still attached, and Nick Denton, of Gawker, will pay $7 per second of streaming video to anyone who has the gumption to film the actual birth scene, complete with a sweaty, screaming J.Lo and a pallid and revolted Marc Anthony. Placenta, of course, will be auctioned on eBay starting at midnight the day of the birth.
J.Lo Checks In [NYP]
*From here to the end everything we say is lies
"We need to put back the Gawkeresque angry-creative-underclass glint to our voice," Valleywag contributor Paul Boutin wrote in a self-serious and totally fascinating memo passed on to Gawker Media editors this morning by managing editor Noah Robischon and passed on to Intel later. The memo to the various writers in Nick Denton's snarky blog empire suggests that they take care to make sure each item contains a "glint of nastiness." But don't overdo it! Cramming in a ton of insults makes the site look a lot "less brilliant," Boutin says. When eviscerating a target, it's best to "pick the one best dig, and save the others for another time."
• Fortune searches Davos for financiers to express contrition over the current credit crisis but comes up empty. The closest anyone has come, the magazine notes, is the chairman and chief executive of Moody's Corp, who said, "We and others have to retool our processes In hindsight, it's clear to us that there were fundamental failures in key assumptions supporting our analytical models." Quoth Fortune: "That's probably a little too mealy-mouthed and much too late to console people who bought the mortgage-backed commercial paper to which Moody's and its rival Standard & Poor's gave a top-notch AAA rating — only to discover it was actually junk." Snap! [Fortune]
• Just how big a fraud did Jérôme Kerviel, the rogue French trader, pull off? Before the bank caught him, he had taken out positions worth 50 billion euros. But some argue that he was responsible for only 1.5 billion euros in losses, and the bank's board lost the other 3.4 billion euros unwinding his positions way too fast. Meanwhile, top executive Jean-Pierre Mustier told the Times: “I was speaking to a competitor, this competitor called me and said, ‘You are living what is a banker’s worst nightmare.’” Imagine how dramatic that must have sounded in French. [FT, NYT]
• Bonuses now in the bank, Goldman rewarded bankers for a record-setting year with a special surprise: layoffs! [Deal Journal/WSJ]
• Sam Zell, the real-estate tycoon turned media mogul, took his brusque, fake-folksy style to his minions at the Tribune with a new employee manual. A few samples: "7.1. If you use or abuse alcohol or drugs and fail to perform the duties required by your job acceptably, you are likely to be terminated. … Coming to work drunk is bad judgment. 7.2. If you do not use or abuse alcohol or drugs and fail to perform the duties required by your job acceptably, you are likely to be terminated." Also, "You may want to think twice before you enter into an intimate relationship with a co-worker. When you start, it might seem like a good idea. It’s when you stop, or the wrong people find out (and they will) that you could discover that perhaps it wasn’t." [WP, Tribune]
• Judith Regan on Giuliani: "Is he getting uglier? Is his face looking more twisted? What happened to him?" Don't feel too bad, Rudy. You know what they say: When someone teases you like this, it means she likes you. [Mixed Media/Portfolio]
• Facebook threatened to revoke Nick Denton's account after the blog-lord posted pics of Steve Brill's recent-college-grad daughter Emily. [Gawker, Daily Brief/Portfolio]
All is not well in the house of Denton. We hear that just one day after media reporter Richard Morgan began at Gawker.com, he's already quit. Just yesterday, site owner and (new) managing editor Nick Denton made much ado about the Website's brave new image for 2008, including a role for Morgan covering the TV networks. But it turns out Denton's pledge to elevate more serious journalistic work on the blog wasn't as fulfilled as Morgan had hoped. "I believed what Nick said about making the site more reported, making it more mainstream, and, vainly, thought that's why he hired me," Morgan told us over IM just now. The former freelance writer has covered science, media, ideas, and lifestyle for publications like New York (woot woot!), Forbes, the Times, Discover, and Slate. "[Denton] is erratic," he told us. "There is no vision beyond page views. I was announced as being some kind of television beat writer. And I spent the day reading TV blogs and e-mailing and calling and meeting with TV folks. And Nick would tell me to post, like, something about Us Weekly getting Ashlee Simpson's engagement wrong. And then he wanted me to do another on Playgirl." "He is obsessed with the gay mafia," Morgan added, which is confusing, because we never thought of Denton as being self-obsessed. Big-headed maybe, but in a purely physical way only. "Jesus spent three days in Hell," Morgan said. "I could only handle one."
Richard Morgan [Official site]
Update: Denton IMs with a response! "Richard Morgan didn't so much quit as splutter out. We did manage to get two publishable posts out of him before that happened. I wish him luck at a more leisurely institution."
• "OK!, the celebrity magazine, could not possibly have purchased all the attention it enjoyed in late December after it got the scoop that Jamie Lynn Spears, the younger and until then less sensational sister of the troubled pop queen Britney Spears, was three months pregnant. Or could it?" [NYT]
• Josh Stein isn't actually leaving Gawker; Emily Gould will write for Jezebel; Choire Sicha will continue contributing columns; and recently departed Wonkette editor Ken Layne returned after just a few months off the job. Can anyone escape the tentacles of Nick Denton? [HuffPo]
• The Writers Guild plans to picket Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, and Conan O'Brien as the three late-night hosts return to the air. Letterman gets off easy since he struck a deal with the writers and may get a big boost since big stars (like Robin Williams, natch) won't have to cross the pickets to go on his show. [NYO, NYT]