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Jessica Simpson and Deborah Norville Get Catty

Deborah Norville and Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson arrived at the Accessories Council Ace Awards at Cipriani-42nd Street to the ultimate nightmare! She was wearing the same sequined leopard frock as the evening's host, and it was Deborah Norville! Uncool. She huddled in the foyer for a confab with her mother. "Should I go home and change?" Jessica asked, according to a spy who was standing nearby. "Just change in the bathroom stall," counseled Simpson the Elder. "Are you kidding?" Jessica retorted. "I'm going home!" That's right, honey, you're not in Texas anymore. Jessica began stomping toward the door, but was pulled back — either by a rush of self-confidence or a wise PR person — and moments later was marching down the red carpet and presenting an award to the CEO of Macy's. It was the right thing to do, even according to her erstwhile teen-pop rival, Mandy Moore, who says that in the same situation, "I don't think I'd be embarrassed. Hopefully, we'd be rocking it in different ways." Yeah, and they were, because, by the way, Deborah Norville is 49. If anyone was freaking out, you'd think it would be her. But her calm reaction was met with approval by none other than the King of Zen, Marc Jacobs. "If the dress is what determines the individual, then the individual should work more on their character and what they choose to wear," he said. "You know what I mean?" —Amy Odell

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Kristian Laliberte Loves to Have Sex With Jesus

Kristian Laliberte
Just kidding! He doesn't really. See, when we caught up with the stylist and 'mocialite at the Gay Men's Health Crisis Fashion Forward party, we immediately asked him if the news outlets that enjoy teasing him ever mix up his quotes. "The New York Observer, always, always," he said, rolling his eyes. "I literally could be like 'I love Jesus.' And they'd be like 'I love, dot dot dot, to have sex with, dot dot dot, Jesus' and I'm like, Where did that come from?" We don't know why anyone would ever want to doctor his quotes, because that was his answer to our first question, and as far as we're concerned, he hit it out of the park. —Amy Preiser

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Will Samantha Enjoy Another Male Underwear Model in ‘Sex and the City’?

Marcus Schenkenberg
Marcus Schenkenberg might get to star opposite Kim Cattrall as Samantha's neighbor in the Sex and the City movie, the underwear model told us last night. "It's me and another guy now and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get it," Schenkenberg said over the noise at the Cavalli Vodka party at Cipriani 42nd Street. Does this mean Smith Jared is finished? "I haven't read the whole script yet," Schenkenberg said. "But Kim had a lot of men I think. She's all over the place. Like me." That's adorable. Schenkenberg wasn't the only celebrity enjoying the designer's new vodka line. Fresh from the removal of her alcohol-monitoring bracelet last month, Eve raised a Cavalli cocktail onstage before decamping downtown to check out the party at the Scores strip joint in Chelsea. Wonderful! A wholesome night was had by all. —Amy Odell

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Christopher Meloni, Bald Icon

Meloni
Every time dudes we know get down about their male pattern baldness, we point them to Christopher Meloni of Law & Order: SVU. Meloni, one of People's Sexiest Men Alive, wears his baldness with confidence. He carries his bald head high, as though he sees his diminished pate not as a sign of depreciating masculinity, but as further proofof it. Baldness, we imagine he thinks, is the kind of thing that happens to a Real Man, a battle scar from the war that is life. And when we see Meloni do his squinty, angry, muscley, bald thing on L&O — well, our heart just goes pitter-patter. As it did when we ran into him at the Celebrity Charades event the other night. Although, much to our dismay, he did not look nearly as bald in person. In fact his head looked sort of … weird. Like it was made of candy. He was quick to assure us. "I am balding!" he said. "I have makeup on because I’m coming from work, but I have a growing ozone hole here." As we imagined, Meloni was comfortable with the aging process. "You know, I actually feel like I’ve gotten better with age," he said. "I’ve kind of grown into it." We think so too! After all, we suggested, it's been said that balding men have more testosterone. "Nuff said," he said gruffly. "As my friend says, grass don’t grow on a busy highway. I’m a deep thinker." Swoon! —Jada Yuan Hear trash talk from Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bobby Cannavale, and others at the LAByrinth Theater Company’s Celebrity Charades.

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Philip Seymour Hoffman Gets Schooled by Jeremy Sisto

Philip
He may have an Oscar, but Philip Seymour Hoffman wasn't feeling too sure of his acting ability at the LAByrinth Theater Company's annual Celebrity Charades event last night. "I don't know," he said early on. "We won last year, but we lost the year before last. And we're missing Justin Theroux tonight. He's a very important fellow." Hoffman had reason to worry. His team — Billy Crudup, John Ortiz, Andre Royo, Yul Vasquez, and Craig “muMs” Grant — was weak, and the other teams knew it. "Phil’s team is off," Jeremy Sisto whispered after they failed to recognize Cabaret. "They’re not focused. They're not as competitive." Sisto, on the other hand, was prepared.

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The Lady Is a Trump

Ivana
Ivana Trump may be about to change her name to Rubicondi, but she’s still got that Trump-family braggadocio. When we asked her if she’d ever seen a yacht as fabulous as Angel Ball host Denise Rich’s 6,000-foot My Lady Joy, Ivana smiled sweetly and answered in true Trumpian style. “Well, you know, the most unbelievable yacht was actually Trump Princess," she said, without missing a beat. “It was previously owned by [Saudi arms dealer] Adnan Khashoggi, then he sold it to the Sultan of Brunei. Then we bought it from Sultana de Brunei" [Ed.: Dude, I think a "sultana" is a kind of raisin.] [BM: What I am I supposed to do? That's what she said.] "then Donald sold it to the banks when he was in certain financial difficulties at a certain time.” That, of course, was years ago, so Ivana brought us up to date. “And then, Ivana, which is my yacht, is also spectacular," she added. Obviously! —Bennett Marcus Get hair coloring tips from Joss Stone and accessories advice from Don King at our complete coverage of the 2007 Angel Ball.

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Kate Spade Knows Your Bag Is Fake

Kate Spade
It's mortifying enough to be busted carrying a faux designer handbag (um, not that we would know or anything), but imagine how much worse it must be to be caught by the designer. The other night at the RxArt Ball, Kate Spade told New York about a time she accosted a woman carrying a big ol' fake. "I knew all the bags that were on the street, and this one I didn't know had hit the street yet, but I knew it wasn't real," she said. To add insult to injury, it wasn't even high-quality! "I'm telling you, I was across the street and I could tell," she said. So, Spade said, she walked determinedly across the street to ask her about it. She wasn't going to demand it back or anything, she said, she was just curious as to where they were distributing the new stuff. "Where did you get that?" she asked the woman, who recognized her immediately. "She was like, 'Oh, my God, you're Kate Spade!'" And how did she explain herself? "She said, 'Oh I didn't buy it, my husband did,'" said Spade, who told us that she's since stopped calling out people on the street, although we're not sure we believe her. "Anytime you ask someone, they say that," she muttered. "'I don't know, it was a gift.'"You heard it here first, ladies and gentleman. If Kate Spade catches you carrying a fake handbag, she will hunt you down. —Amy Preiser

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Jerry Seinfeld Tortures ‘In Style’; We Rub It In

Jerry Seinfeld
"Nobody cares about me anymore; I’m old, I’m out of it; it’s over," Jerry Seinfeld told us last night at the premiere of the hotly anticipated Bee Movie. Hahahahaha!! See why he makes the money? He's such a jokester! In reality, dozens of reporters were clamoring for the comedian's attention, including a pretty blonde from In Style "Are there any beauty products you like?" she asked, earnestly. "Beauty products?" Seinfeld said, making a mock-confused face. "You might wait till the women come along for that question," he said. "This isn’t Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!" Ha! In Style looked genuinely confused. "But…" she said, looking sadly at her tape recorder. "Do you have something that you do before you come on the red carpet?" Seinfeld gamely tried to answer. "I like to have my wallet with me," he said. "George Burns’s first rule of show business is always take your wallet onstage with you. Because people backstage seem nice, but you never know." Right? We hear that Renée Zelleweger has sticky fingers. It was perhaps not the answer that In Style expected. She made one final attempt. "How do you feel about plastic surgery?" she asked. "Good!" Seinfeld said. "Really good. As long as it’s not mine. I don’t want to get any." In Style was not amused. "Thanks," she said, and shuffled away. —Ben Kawaller In Style wasn't the only one who had a rough time on the red carpet last night. Click here to read an interview in which New York's Ben Kawallar tanks big-time with Bee Movie directors Simon J. Smith and Steve Hikner.

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Tilda Swinton's Halloween Costume Will Be Better Than Yours

Tilda Swinton
We all know that starting tomorrow night, the subways will be filled with drunk people in costumes, all the way until Halloween on Wednesday. In case you're still without costume inspiration, despite our best efforts to help your asses, we trolled last night's Fashion Group International Night of Stars gala to ask celebrities what their costumes would be. "It won't be from Ricky's," said Jane Krakowski, who has been wearing a fat suit on 30 Rock. André Leon Talley wrote our jokes for us. "I always go as myself," he said. Not a bad idea: You can do it, too, readers: Just throw on your graduation robe and call yourself an "Editor-at-Large." Princess Alexandra of Greece is dressing her 5-year-old son as Darth Vadar, but she recalled her most memorable costume? "My husband and I were once Catwoman and Catman or something," she said. You mean — BATman? "I don't know — we both wore matching cat masks." We tried Tilda Swinton, another foreigner. "I'm from Scotland where Halloween was invented. We have very different traditions. I'm not really sure what the American tradition is," she said. "I did see a woman on the subway the other day here who was looking through a very sexy lingerie catalogue, picking out her Halloween costume, but we don't switch it that way." Well, we explained, American girls like to look slutty. "Right. Well, I'm looking forward to it — when is it? Wednesday?" Sure is! "I think I'll probably wear my birthday suit." —Amy Odell Get fashion tips from Jean Paul Gaultier, Mayor Bloomberg, and Joan Jett at our complete coverage of the Fashion Group International's Night of Stars.

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It's Not That You're Too Fat, Ryan Gosling, It's That We Hate You

Ryan Gosling
ThinkFilm chief Mark Urman says Ryan Gosling wasn’t too fat for the role in The Lovely Bones, but too young and hot. We'll buy that! “He gained weight for the role,” Urman said at the Cinema Society screening of Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, confirming what was reported earlier this week. “There seem to have been genuine creative differences,” as we heard originally. “I have to say I think he is at least fifteen years too young for the role,” Urman insisted. His firm has worked with Gosling, distributing the movie Half Nelson. “We had a great run with Ryan last year,” he told us. “He is divinely gifted and actually the sweetest guy in the world, and I genuinely think that there was, uh, a real difference [of opinion] in how to play the role.” Wow, sounds like there was a smackdown! We wish we could have seen that, Peter Jackson and Ryan Gosling going at it on set, maybe mud-wrestling. It would be just like that scene in Airplane when the Girl Scouts start fighting. You know, but with more slapping. —Bennett Marcus Related: Ryan Gosling Left 'The Lovely Bones' Because He Was Too Fat? [Vulture] Get tips on your next nude scene from Philip Seymour Hoffman, Milena Govich, and others at our complete coverage of the Cinema Society and Sagatiba Screening of Before the Devil Knows You're Dead.

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Fox Business Network: The Victory Party

Rupert and Wendy
Last night's launch party for Fox Business Network had so many media and business moguls, you couldn't throw a canapé without mussing up the rug of some very important dude. Seriously, our throats were burning from inhaling the perfume of wealth and success. In one corner of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Temple of Dendur, Liz Smith chatted with Mel Brooks and Harvey Weinstein. (Apparently, Harvey loves the channel. "I love Roger Ailes," he said, though he would not tell us what he liked the best or whether he ate Money for Breakfast.) In another corner, Oscar and Annette de la Renta greeted Regis and Joy Philbin. And kingly in the middle of it all, like a pair of samurai and their husbands, were Rupert Murdoch, Les Moonves, Julie Chen, and Rupert's wife, Wendi Deng. "Wendi, we love your bracelets!" we cried in unison, suddenly morphing into Blair's sidekicks in Gossip Girl. "They were only twenty dollars," she exclaimed. Wow, we thought. Wendi is so down-to-earth! "But this wasn't," she laugh-cackled, flashing us her index finger, which was adorned with what looked to be the actual Hope Diamond.

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Jimmy Carter Makes Us Feel Like Losers

Jimmy Carter
Jimmy Carter has a new title on his Nobel- and Grammy-studded résumé: movie star. But the other night at a screening of The Man From the Plains, Jonathan Demme’s new documentary about the former president, Carter was still adjusting to being a leading man. "I’m waiting to see whether I’m going to be a villain or a hero," he joked. Making the movie, he said, made him empathize with the plight of reality-TV stars. "Demme intruded in my life sixteen hours a day, week after week," Carter said. "When I got up in the morning, he was there with two or three cameras; when I walked down the corridors, he was there in front and back with two or three cameras. He would excuse me on occasion — always when I went to the restroom." The movie followed Carter on the book tour for his controversial Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid, the 25th book he’s written during his activist post-presidency. Right! That doesn't make us feel lazy or anything! So, does he have any advice about what the current president might do once he leaves the White House? "I’d be a poor adviser for someone who wants to 'replenish the coffers,'" he said. Snap!—Janelle Nanos

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Al Roker Always Thought Dumbledore Was a Bit Swishy

Al Roker
Al Roker sees everything coming, not just storm clouds. When we caught up with him at the Quills Literary Awards last night, we asked him what he thought of J.K. Rowling's revelation that Harry Potter character Albus Dumbledore was gay. "I was not surprised because I always got the sense there was actually something between him and Hagrid," said Roker, who is a fan of the books. "Either that or it was Hagrid and the hippogriff. One or the other." Oh, Al, you kidder. A hippogriff couldn't mate with a giant! (For the record, Joan Allen told us, "It never entered my mind to think about [Dumbledore's] sexuality." Some people just don't have dirty minds.) What we really wanted to know from Roker, though, was obviously how his new friend at the Today show was doing. You know, the only other guy on the show who is bald? Yeah, Tiki Barber. We kind of wonder how he's fitting in, you know, learning how to baste things instead of score touchdowns. "He's funny, he's great, he's on his game. And he's been a heck of an addition to the touch-football team," Roker assures us. Only… "I wish he would wear some sweaters for men." —Amy Odell Find out about Gay Talese's guilty pleasures and where Steve Schirripa is partying these days at our complete coverage of The Quills Awards.

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Bobby Baccalieri Has Some Advice for Britney Spears

Steve and Laura
The Sopranos may have ended, but the cast is still partying. "The West Wing never partied like The Sopranos, trust me when I tell you," Steve Schirripa told us at the Quill Awards at Jazz at Lincoln Center last night. "So half the cast lives downtown, we'll call, we'll check in. We have dinners, go out for a couple drinks," he said. What are their favorite hangouts? "Oh, that I can't tell you," he said. Dare we guess Little Italy? "Il Cortile's one of our hangouts. You can go to see a Soprano there. It's on 125 Mulberry." And we thought we were just being cute! So what does he think of another known partier, Britney Spears? "I think Britney Spears is absolutely insane. I think she — I know she calls the paparazzi, she tells them she's going down to Starbucks. Why doesn't she stay home? She's got all of these handlers and she can just stay home — let them go to Starbucks, let them go to Dunkin' Donuts. Why is she always going for the coffee? Stay home. Let somebody else — she's always got her hands full. There's cigarettes, the phone, the drink. Doesn't she have lackeys to hold her stuff?" Yeah, really! Brit, honey, put that Jamie Lynn to work. —Amy Odell Find out about Gay Talese's guilty pleasures in our complete coverage of The Quills Awards.

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Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler Are One-Trick Ponies

Simon and Jonathan
We mean that in the best possible way, of course. Last night at the National Design Awards at the Cooper-Hewitt Museum, we asked the creative power couple if there were ever any other careers they'd considered. “Um, I am basically unemployable, and I probably would be lucky to be a barista at Starbucks," said Adler. "That's the honest truth. I got fired from every job I ever had, and it was pottery or bust." Barneys creative director Doonan said that he wouldn't mind doing a work that was a little … dirtier. “I think it would be really fun to design nightclubs, strip clubs — places that are very hedonistic, like, you know, brothels,” he said dreamily. “Oh, it would be fabulous. I’d have Swarovski-encrusted faucets in the bathroom, and everything that was high cheese. It would be couture, but it would be very over the top. With fashion and style you always are constrained slightly. But with anything like a whorehouse or a stripper bar or a pole-dancing club, you can just go bananas, and use every material you’ve ever wanted to use, like fun fur and patent leather. That would be very appealing to me, because I’m actually very demure and not that way.” —Bennett Marcus Get career advice from Jonathan Adler and real estate suggestions from Richard Meier at our complete coverage of the 2007 National Design Awards.

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John Malkovich Is Depressed He Can't Shock Anyone Anymore

John Malkovich
John Malkovich's new Klimt, in which he plays the controversial Viennese painter Gustav Klimt, has a lot of "quite terrifyingly naked" people in it. (Klimt painted a lot of nudes.) But he doesn't imagine all the onscreen skin will sell many tickets. "I once directed a play in Chicago called Savages that had, like, 30 naked people in it," he said at the premiere of Klimt the other night. "It wasn't a big success." Bare boobs and butts just don't have the power they used to, he lamented. “Everything is just a site on the Internet — you know, Celebrity Butts, Bad Plastic Surgery, whatever," he said. "I mean, at a time if you did Last Tango in Paris, that had some meaning. It doesn’t have any meaning now. You can’t really be shocked." Then again, he said: “It hasn’t had a huge effect on me. I mean, I’m 53 years old. I’m not exactly a sex symbol or anything. I’m not really offered tons of sexual marathon work.” Well, at least he's offered some. —Jada Yuan

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Aasif Mandvi Can Hear the Celebrities Singing

Aasif Mandavi
Last night at the Hugo Boss's "Boss Black" fashion show at the Cunar building, publicists and velvet ropes held us back from super-famous celebrities like Julianne Moore and Kate Winslet. "We're actually on our way out," said Kristin Davis's publicist when we tried to corner her for more SATC spoilers. "My feet are screaming at me," she said apologetically. "They need to be amputated." Okay, ew. Moving on. Speaking of giant celebrities, what does Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi think about tabloid stars like Lindsay Lohan and possibly Jennifer Aniston moving to New York? "I think they're coming here because it makes them look smarter," he said. But, we said, having so much star wattage might change the city, no? Mandvi agreed. "I think there's going to be like a hum in the air. It's going to be like a choir that hangs over the city at all times. Aaaa aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa wherever they go. It could get annoying after a while." We suppose it could. So, did Mandvi ever meet Brangelina? Because we figure all famous and famous-ish people must know each other, if only tangentially. And we were right … sort of. "I've met them," he nodded. "They're really nice. They're just normal people." Really? How did he meet them? "Well," he said. "I was walking and they were talking to reporters and I walked past them." He looked at us expectantly. Wait: That's it? How did he know they were normal? "They were talking to reporters, just like everybody else." —Amy Odell Get advice on women's underwear from Ne-Yo and pain-relief tips from Kristin Davis at our complete coverage of the Boss Black spring/summer 2008 collection.

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B.D. Wong Really Can Tap Into Your Psyche!

BD Wong
B.D. Wong, of television's Law & Order, won't admit whether he thinks his co-star, hot bald cop Christopher Meloni, is hot. "That's a lame question," he groaned last night at a 25th-anniversary celebration for the Asian-American Arts Alliance at the Tribeca Rooftop. Really? Well, that's a lame answer. "He's one of those people that more people find attractive than not," he grudgingly admitted. Annoying! The correct answer is yes, he is. But we kind of think B.D. — what does that stand for? Wikipedia: Bradley Darryl — is hot, too, especially when he is diagnosing psychopaths on L&O and gets all passionate. So we stuck around. Whom was he voting for? Hillary? "I think so." Okay … so … if he and Hillary were stuck in an elevator together, and Hillary turned and said, "Aren't you B.D. Wong, of television's Law & Order?" would he acknowledge, in turn, that she was the big Hill? "Wouldn't that be interesting if I didn't?" Wong mused, suddenly mischievous. "I'm just pondering the idea of that…" He went coy again. We demanded an answer, just like Sam Waterston would. He finally broke: "As a human being, I'd want to ask her a lot of dumb personal questions about Monica. But that would be stupid." Hm. We don't know, doctor. We think you actually just tapped deep into America's psyche. Aren't those the questions everyone wants answered? —Tim Murphy

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Old Punks Mourn Hilly Kristal, CBGB, Punk

Hilly Kristal
It’s hard to believe that the world’s most renowned rock club was started by someone who didn’t care for rock. But that was one of the things we learned at Hilly Kristal’s memorial service at the Bowery Ballroom last night, where Old Guarders like Patti Smith, Joan Jett, and Tommy Ramone remembered Kristal’s quirks: his lumberjack attire, his penchant for bluegrass and brandy-Frescas, and his distaste for loud music. “He was a unique person who appreciated unique talent and innovative acts,” said Ramone. “He knew which performers had something to offer.”

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Jack and Suzy Welch Envy Each Other

Jack and Suzy
Last night moguls and media types gathered to celebrate the revamp of Business Week. Henry Kissinger, Dylan Lauren, Atoosa Rubenstein, and Alexis Stewart (Martha's daughter) all rallied at Guastavino's to toast editor-in-chief Stephen Adler. Michael Eisner praised the redesign and then got down to business with us about — what else? — the Fox Business Network."When you have Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes doing a project, you can’t discount it," he told us. "So I suspect it will be competitive and successful." Eisner reminded us that he has his own show on CNBC, a network he thinks is "pretty entrenched and well done." "I think it will be a long time before they’re taken over the way CNN was taken over by Fox News," he said. "It's not really analogous."

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