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God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on These Parties

Party for Eli Halili of Agas & Tamar jewelry. Donna Karan's Urban Zen, 705 Greenwich St., nr. Charles St., 6:30 p.m. Debra Messing hosts! And Eric McCormack! With whom she'll exchange zany gay jokes while sharing a huge apartment on the Upper West Side! Well, no. Actually just Grace. Plus, allegedly, Donna Karan, Christy Turlington, Glenn Close, Ellen Barkin, Alicia Keyes, Mariska Hargitay, Iman, Bernadette Peters. And apparently no men.

Sporks for Comedy!

The Night Before The Ten. Blender Theater at Gramercy, 127 E. 23rd St., nr. Lexington Ave., 7 p.m. Not to be confused with The Ten’s premiere party last week, this is a musical-comedy spectacular hosted by director David Wain and featuring Janeane Garofalo, Michael Showalter, Rashida Jones, and numerous singer-songwriters. Frankly, the time has come to develop a more efficient word than “singer-songwriter” to denote a solo musician who writes his own material. We suggest “singwriter,” “versechorusologist,” or “spork.” Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Looks Like the Law Won Again

Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten screening. 601 W. 26th St., nr. Eleventh Ave., 8 p.m. The event is sponsored by Interview, IFC First Take, and Hugo Boss, and takes place on a private rooftop; expected guests include Moby, Vanessa Carlton, and the Misshapes. Truly, if the Clash stood for anything, it was jet-setting corporate-sponsored celebrity exclusivity.

Stanley Steamer Wasn't Invited

Rasa Music party. ABC Carpet and Home, 888 Broadway, nr. 19th St., 7 p.m. Expected guests: Deepak Chopra, Amy Sacco, and Donna D'Cruz, the "DJ and President" of Rasa Music, whose motto is "where Spirituality, Sensuality & Style Converge." Fine, but why does the convergence take place in a carpet store? Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

We're Only Going if Peter Dinklage Does

Underdog premiere. Regal E-Walk Stadium 13, 247 W. 42nd St., nr. Eighth Ave., 6 p.m. Stars Jason Lee, Amy Adams, and Patrick Warburton are expected. The talking dog that plays Underdog won't be there, because apparently there aren't any dogs that can really talk. Which means we just lost a pretty big bet to a third-grader. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

On the Trail of the World's Most Exclusive Book Party

Inside the Red Mansion book party. 7:30 p.m. The book’s full title is Inside the Red Mansion: On the Trail of China's Most Wanted Man, and it’s written by a gentleman named Oliver August. The location of the party is supposed to be a secret except to RSVP'd guests — who include Malcolm Gladwell, Fareed Zakaria, Arianna Huffington, and Moby — but isn’t it obvious how to get there? Just follow Malcolm Gladwell around until he walks into a red mansion. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

The Girliest Girl Who Ever Girled

Becoming Jane premiere. Landmark Sunshine Cinema, 143 E. Houston St., nr. Forsyth St., 7:30 p.m. Stars Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy will be present. After appearing in a movie about Vogue and a movie about Jane Austen, there's really only one way Anne Hathaway could get any more girly: by portraying a pair of shoes in the Sex and the City movie.

We're Gonna Go Fondle Our Sweaters

The Ten premiere. DGA Theater, 110 W. 57th St., nr. Sixth Ave., 7 p.m. The Ten is the latest feature from the good people who brought you Wet Hot American Summer and, more distantly, The State. Expected at tonight's premiere are stars Paul Rudd, Winona Ryder, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, writer-star Ken Marino, director David Wain, and more. Trying to overcome urge … mustn't make reference to … contemporary equivalent of quoting Caddyshack … we can't help it! We'd like to dip our balls in this movie! Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Suing With the Stars

Damages premiere. Regal E-Walk Stadium 13, 247 W. 42nd St., nr. Eighth Ave., 6 p.m. Damages is a new show on FX about "high-stakes litigation," and stars Glenn Close, Ted Danson, and Rose Byrne will be in attendance tonight. But beware! If you slip and fall at the premiere, and then sue FX, you'll actually be the one liable for punitive damages, under an obscure portion of the 1948 Interstate Irony Regulation Act. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

It Took Four Writers to Make This Movie

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry screening. Ziegfeld Theatre, 141 W. 54th St., nr. Sixth Ave., 7 p.m. At this "special screening" for the FDNY, expect to see director Dennis Dugan, Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Jessica Biel, Steve Buscemi, and others. Forget World Trade Center — the Bravest's favorite new movie is about two straight guys pretending to be gay for domestic-partnership benefits. Helmet-slapping hilarious!

Queen Latifah Starts Her Streak

Hairspray New Jersey premiere. Prudential Hall, New Jersey Performing Arts Center, 1 Center St., Newark, N.J. Expected: Queen Latifah, Nikki Blonsky, James Marsden, Amanda Bynes, and others. Yesterday, we noted that Cal Ripken Jr.'s presence at the New York premiere put his streak of consecutive Hairspray premieres attended at one. Today, the streak is over. And it's been surpassed by Queen Latifah. We always knew she'd break one of Cal Ripken's records … but we were pretty sure it was going to be the one for most career home runs by a shortstop. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Only 2,631 to Go

Hairspray premiere. Ziegfeld Theater, 141 W. 54th St., nr. Sixth Ave. The huge and eccentric guest list includes John Travolta, Michelle Pfeiffer, Queen Latifah, Christopher Walken, Ralph Macchio (!), Mary J. Blige, Nathan Lane, Phylicia Rashad, Liza Minnelli, Lance Bass, and our personal favorite, Cal Ripken Jr. The Ironman’s streak of consecutive Hairspray premieres attended now stands at one. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Where to Go If You Miss Limp Bizkit

Black Light Burns After-Party. Plumm, 26 W. 14th St., nr Fifth Ave., midnight. Black Light Burns is a band fronted by Wes Borland, the former guitarist for Limp Bizkit; guests will include Eve Salvail (a model, they say), co-owner Chris Noth, and "members of Nine Inch Nails." Perhaps things will get crazy and Chris Noth will end up joining the band? We think he would be adept at playing nails six through eight. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Buscemi Always Brings the Pigs-in-a-Blanket

Interview screening. Tribeca Grand, 2 Sixth Ave., nr. White St., 7 p.m.; after-party at Soho Grand, 310 W. Broadway, nr. Canal St. Director-star Steve Buscemi hosts. Co-star Sienna Miller is also scheduled to attend. The verb "host" usually sounds odd in these contexts: We associate hosting a party with guacamole preparation and frantic bathroom cleaning, things that actors and directors probably don't often do before film screenings. And yet, Steve Buscemi … We would not be surprised if he were, at this very moment, elbow-deep in bean dip.

Nothing Says Class Like a Box of Veuve

Veuve Clicquot Starlight Yellow Celebration. 7 World Trade Center, nr. Vesey St., 7 p.m. Expected guests include Jean-Georges Vongerichten and Phillip Lim. "Starlight" is Veuve Clicquot's new line of boxed wine, which comes in three flavors: "yellow" (celebrated tonight), "red," and "Mango-Cranberry Electrolyte Blast."

No Parties Today, and No Pool

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Sigh. Again no parties. And generally overcast weather. And scattered thunderstorms forecast for tonight and tomorrow. And the brand-new, spiffy Floating Pool is broken. (Yes, broken: Apparently some ballast tanks flooded, according to Gothamist, and now the whole thing is tilted. And closed.) We're starting to think it's going to be a long summer.

There Are No Parties

There are no notable parties tonight. This is presumably because everybody except us is out of town someplace. We hope it starts raining on them. There are, however, Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Rock the Casbah

Qatar Airways gala. Frederick P. Rose Hall, Lincoln Center, 7:20 p.m. Expected: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Bryant Gumbel, Chloë Sevigny, Gayle King, and others. The gala is being thrown in celebration of the fact that Qatar Airways now offers flights to JFK. Two Middle East–related parties in New York tonight! (See below.) Which may be more parties than are currently going on in the actual Middle East.

Sushi Parties Are Twice As Fun Without Refrigeration

Ivanka Trump party at SushiSamba 7. SushiSamba7, 87 Seventh Ave. S., nr. Bleecker St., 7 p.m. It's explicitly a "private party" for Ivanka's "close friends," yet it's also a "celebration" of "SushiSamba 7's renovated rooftop lounge." There's a fancy invite, and Ivanka will be available for interviews. File this one under "unnerving concepts that speak to the modern degradation of borders between the public and private self" in the subcategory "terrifying omens of the way identity and profit motive will merge in the inevitable totalitarian corporate-ocracy." If you'd like. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.

Can You Define ‘Irony’?

Generation Harvest Summer in the City event. Metropolitan Pavilion North. 110 W. 19th St., nr. Sixth Ave., 6 p.m. Tim Robbins, Greg Kinnear, Elizabeth Banks, B.J. Novak, and others are expected. Coming just after the slacker era of Generation X, "Generation Harvest" consists of 29- to 31-year-olds who dress like Ethan Hawke's character in Reality Bites but are corn farmers. Or check out our Agenda listings for tonight, selected by New York's culture editors.