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Patricia Clarkson

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Hollywood Really IS Full of Degenerates

At least night's 'Elegy' premiere, we met a former teenage fire starter, a drunk cheerleader, and a comedian who says that sometimes bad touching can be oh-so-good.

Chris Cooper Does Not Regret Leaving Ranching Behind

Chris Cooper
While Married Life is Ira Sachs's first full-length feature film that doesn't take place in his hometown of Memphis, he says that he and fellow Southerner Patricia Clarkson bonded on the set. "She tells me I have very good manners," Sachs told us at a Cinema Society screening of the film yesterday. "And you know Chris Cooper is from Kansas City, so we're all from the river towns." "He's such a nice southern boy," Clarkson said about Sachs, turning to the director. "Ah! You have shoes!" she cried, pointing at his feet. To us, she explained, "Do you know Ira called me to tell me, he's such a gentleman, 'Patty, I might have tennis shoes on with my suit'? I was like, 'Ira, it's okay — you're the director!'" Sachs chimed in: "Then I realized I live on 8th Street, so I just went across the street and bought some shoes." As for Chris Cooper, he says he's left his Missouri cattle-ranching days behind for good. "You know, when I was younger, it was a very physical job, and you were called on at any time of the day or night to tend to the cattle and help deliver and castrate and tattoo and wean and all that business," Cooper told us. "It was a great way of life, but now that I'm a little bit older, realizing how physical it is, I'm glad I stuck with the acting biz." —Bennett Marcus

Mary Jo Buttafuoco Fires Back at Amy Fisher

Amy Fisher
Mary Jo Buttafuoco, who is working a memoir about being shot by Amy Fisher, thinks the Long Island Lolita is trashy for cashing in on the fame she got from almost killing her. Patricia Clarkson and Gone Baby Gone actress Amy Ryan have seen each other "butt-ass naked." Larry Birkhead's former attorney claims that he still owes her over $1 million in legal fees. Candace Bushnell's former manager's Sex and the City tell-all includes the news that Darren Star passed on casting Ashton Kutcher because, he said, "I don't see this kid going anywhere."

Chris Noth Doesn't Heart ‘New York’

Chris Noth
At last night's opening of Mauritius at the Biltmore Theater, Patricia Clarkson confessed a secret. "I never throw away a New Yorker," she told New York. "I have New Yorkers dating back to the 1980s. I have boxes and boxes." That sounds so, um, normal, actually. "She does. I know this," said Chris Noth, passing by. "Not New York Magazine." Noth also had some harsh words about our recent Bill Clinton–as–First Lady cover. "Your magazine has absolutely no scruples," he said. "That’s terrible!" You know what else we're terrible at, according to Noth? Predicting the plot of the Sex and the City movie based on all of the shooting around town. "Have you seen the script?" he asked. "I have. There’s been all this talk of Big and Carrie get married. I’m not going to say yes, or no, but did you see me at the church with Sarah Jessica? No, because I was at the Brooklyn Detention Center shooting Law & Order: Criminal Intent. The pictures everyone’s talking about are me with Charlotte. What does that mean? All I can say is that you people have gotten nothing right." This makes us feel a lot better about the fact that we never watch Criminal Intent. —Jada Yuan

J.Lo's Pregnancy Spoiler

Jennifer Lopez will supposedly announce that she's pregnant during her show at MSG on Saturday night. Jessica Simpson's people say she didn't drink and dash at the Box — her friend just accidentally took the receipt slip with him. Rosie O'Donnell did an impromptu ten-minute stand-up set during a show by Roseanne Barr at Comix. (Rita Crosby was there, despite having been served a subpoena earlier in the day.) Mariah Carey doesn't know how many bathrooms are in her Tribeca penthouse. Howard Stein, the nightlife honcho behind eighties hangouts Xenon and Rock Lounge, died at 62. The Port Authority says the quality of its toilet paper is much improved, contrary to what Larry David said on last week's episode of Curb. GLAAD forced "Page Six" to apologize for calling the pre-op transsexual who has a reality show on Fox a "she-male."

A Big Detective Heads to the Small Screen

No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency On TV: The Weinstein Company is producing a TV movie (and possible series) based on Alexander McCall Smith's much-loved series The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, with Anthony Minghella directing and writing alongside Richard Curtis.