Patti Smith on Oral Hygiene“I got her confused. I thought she was the one who was married to John McEnroe, but that’s another Patti Smith” — well, Patty Smyth.
The ‘Atlantic’ 150th-Anniversary Party: A Play in One ActThe curtain rises on an empty stage, set with just one large circular bar in the center, manned by four bartenders dressed in black. The house is empty, so the hundreds of red velvet chairs cast an eerie crimson glow on to the party. Revelers drift in, including the writer Tom Wolfe, Amanda Burden, Moby, P.J. O’Rourke and Atlantic editors. A Boy Reporter and Girl Reporter from New York Magazine drift in. In actuality, they had arrived at the party too early and had to go across the street to get drinks at a noisy club. So they are both a little sheepish. And drunk. The pair begins to look for famous people to interview and spot Mayor Bloomberg, who arrived on the same elevator as drag king Murray Hill.
Girl Reporter: Mayor Bloomberg, hello! We write for New York Magazine. Could we-
Mayor Bloomberg: I subscribe to New York Magazine. I pay your salary.
Girl Reporter: Oh, um, thanks! So, we were wondering [Mayor Bloomberg walks away]
Boy Reporter: Good try!
Girl Reporter: Eh, let’s get a drink.
Old Punks Mourn Hilly Kristal, CBGB, Punk
It’s hard to believe that the world’s most renowned rock club was started by someone who didn’t care for rock. But that was one of the things we learned at Hilly Kristal’s memorial service at the Bowery Ballroom last night, where Old Guarders like Patti Smith, Joan Jett, and Tommy Ramone remembered Kristal’s quirks: his lumberjack attire, his penchant for bluegrass and brandy-Frescas, and his distaste for loud music. “He was a unique person who appreciated unique talent and innovative acts,” said Ramone. “He knew which performers had something to offer.”
On the Hunt for J-Vanka at the Whitney Party: Success!The world still wonders: Are Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump dating? And so New York’s Party Lines team remains on the case, tracking J-Vanka through high-profile parties, looking for signs. At last night’s Whitney Art Party in Tribeca, our reporter picked up the scent. What did he find? The short version: They were talking and standing near each other; they left together and were last seen hopping into a chauffeured car and speeding off. The long version, full of detective work, time stamps, evasions, and rediscoveries: It’s after the jump (and sort of pruriently delicious).
Barron Hilton Was Not MuggedSecurity guards from Stereo thwarted a mugging of Paris Hilton’s brother, Barron Hilton. (And Barbara Walters will get Paris’s first post-prison interview.) Biographies of Dina Lohan state that she was a Rockette and Broadway actress, but she is neither. Porn star Savanna Samson backs Giuliani for president. Anna Quindlen is auctioning off naming rights to a character in her upcoming novel. Former Cosby Show star Phylicia Rashad often does not show up to parties she’s expected at. Bruce Willis was angry that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were dating until Will Smith gave him a talking-to. Bebe Neuwirth went to a chiropractor.
Hollywood Agent Exaggerates!A former colleague of Hollywood superagent (and Ari Gold inspiration) Ari Emanuel says he intentionally threw tantrums when talking to Entourage producer Doug Ellin so they’d make it into the show’s script. Donna Hogan plans to make over her appearance — plastic surgery and all — so that she looks just like sister Anna Nicole Smith. NBC’s Campbell Brown may take Paula Zahn’s spot at CNN if she leaves. Jason Binn’s wife is pregnant. Dina Lohan denies saying she ever called herself the “White Oprah,” except that she did. Patti Smith is covering the Doors’ “Soul Kitchen” because a sanitation truck that almost ran her over was playing that song. Emma Thompson pissed off Will Smith when she pulled out a lit cigarette at the Waverly Inn. Fox News anchor Bill Hemmer is an investor in a lounge in Sag Harbor.
Patti Smith Rocks Carnegie Hall, Tibet
Death loomed large at the Philip Glass–curated benefit concert for Tibet House U.S. Monday night at Carnegie Hall, when a parade of legendary talents — among them Lou Reed, Patti Smith, and Michael Stipe — performed numbers in honor of deceased friends. And as if that weren’t depressing enough, when the thrilling succession of reimagined hits and covers stopped, we suddenly realized that all our idols onstage talking about death will die, too. Oh, God.
There were chanting monks, a beautiful, minimalist set from Sigur Rós, and Ben Harper. Debbie Harry happily danced to an acoustic version of “Heart of Glass.” And then came Lou Reed, the first to sing about getting old. Ray Davies harkened back to the Kinks’ glory days, getting the crowd to sing along with “Lola,” “Sunday Afternoon,” and “Dedicated Follower of Fashion.” He admitted to being foggy about why, exactly, he was there: “This is a great event. I’m not sure of all the details, but the spirit moved me.” And then he, too, got wistful about age. “Being in a band at this point in my life is a separation anxiety of the worst sort,” he said. “We never know when we’ll meet again.”
Patti Smith, Immaculate Young Punks, Respectful Cops Say Good-bye to CBGB
Last night hundreds of would-be farewellers packed the Bowery in the hopes of attending the Patti Smith gig that, after all that, would be the Last Show Ever at CBGB. News vans dotted the block. The line stretched around the corner. Suspiciously immaculate — and, naturally, ticket-free — young punks protested their situation loudly at the door.