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Poetry

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Bono’s Poetry Offends

This isn't even the worst part: 'Elvis white trash / Elvis the Memphis flash / Elvis didn’t smoke hash and woulda been a sissy without Johnny Cash.'

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Poets Invade Brooklyn!

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Poets — and, apparently, Bill Murray — paraded across the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday afternoon to raise money for Poets House. We wish they'd instead crossed the Kosciuszko. What rhymes with that, you clever poets?

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‘Times’ Couplets: Nobody Mention the Elephant in the Room

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Tough Time Ahead for President New War Czar Wins Praise, but White House Is FaultedLack of Access to Polling Places, For 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell,' Split on Party Lines, It's Subpoena Time! Lies, Sighs and Politics Victory, Defeat, RealityPart Coach, Part Motivator and 100 Percent Welcomed: Waiting for Al Gore. They Always Come Out Ahead; Bet on It? Let's Twist Again, Dude, as the Screws Turn.

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Maxwell Wheat Will Not Be L.I. Poet Laureate

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• Nassau County had its first poet laureate all picked out: Maxwell Corydon Wheat Jr. Then they discovered his poem that begins "Males and one woman / Sip coffee mornings in the White House, / Talk of desires about Iraq." So that's a no. Good call, incidentally: The poem is beyond awful. [NYT] • Meet Dr. Alain Kaloyeros, a SUNY-Albany nanotech scientist who happens to be the best-remunerated state employee in New York. After last week's record pay hike, his various salaries add up to an annual windfall of $947,538. Not that anyone's counting. [NYP] • Nothing like a crazed-insurance-broker yarn: Noel Lauria bought a bow and fired arrows out his UES window, landing a stray one through a neighbor's terrace door. His explanation to the cops: "I'm turning 40." [NYDN] • Oh, goody, another "edgy" magician dangling over Times Square. The ingredients in the current mess: a guy named Criss Angel, a glass box, 6,000 pounds of concrete, and a crappy A&E show to promote. Go concrete! [amNY] • And over the weekend, all manner of deformed, tattooed, and hairy freaks played baseball. Also, there was a Coney Island charity game, with the Sideshow By the Seashore performers battling the Cyclone staff. See what we did there? [Metro NY]

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They Report, You Decide?

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Still Unsettled in Wake of New Questions What Seller Wants a Low Price? Who Says They're Too Old to Stay in the Game? Where's the Other Half of Your Music File? Any Wonder It Wasn't Built in a Day? How Weird Are Your Daydreams? Time Wasted? Perhaps It's Well Spent. Who Says Warming Is a Problem? Where Now, for the Wind? An Answer to Help Clear His Fog….? Break a Confidence? Never. Well, Hardly Ever.

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Martha Plimpton Isn't the Only Duane Reade Hater

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So now we know that Martha Plimpton hates Duane Reade. She's not the only one, of course, and, as it turns out, there's now a blog — why wouldn't there be a blog? — devoted to chronicling the horrors of the drugstore chain that's eating New York. I Hate Duane Reade launched in February and encourages reader to share their tales of woe. The first post meditated on the one-line-or-several debate; since then the site has included "Overheard in DR" posts ("Teenage girl shaking her fist: 'Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!' –76th & Broadway"), numerous pharmacy horror stories, and April's sort of genius taxonomy of your standard Duane Reade employees. (A sample: "Photo Guy — He's there. He's just standing there. He knows you want him to say 'cash only' and invite you up. Nope. He's photo guy. Don't mess.") "After way too many bar sessions filled with rants about customer service, specifically the DR," the founders wrote on the site, "we decided to vent our frustrations in prose … and sometimes haiku." Here's a try: Martha Plimpton stews / While filling a prescription / "You have a Club Card?"Katie Hintz Earlier: Don't Get Martha Plimpton Started on Duane Reade Related: The Mystery of Duane Reade [NYM]

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