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The Unwavering Wisdom of Diddy

Kudos to the Daily News for today's P. Diddy — er, excuse us, we mean Sean Combsprofile. They caught the Maker of Bands as he prepared for his Sean John show and managed to gather a stellar selection of quotations from His Diddy-ness. (Sorry! We mean Combs-ness. We can't keep up with what he wants to be called.)

Philippe Starck Pans the New Royalton Lobby

Philippe Starck
Philippe Starck doesn't like the $17.5 million redesign to the Royalton Hotel, which he once designed. Heatherette isn't having a show this Fashion Week, and Richie Rich may be out for good! Russian model Natalia Vodianova had what may be her last catwalk during the final Valentino show in Paris and plans to take the designer to Moscow for a week and then to Brazil for Carnivale. Contrary to rumors, Puff "Diddy" Daddy says he is not considering changing his name back to Sean Combs. Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos hung out at the Beatrice Inn. Michael Richards and a blonde girl ate at a vegan restaurant at Columbus Circle. Cindy Adams claims that the writers' strike will be over in two weeks and that Mayor Bloomberg is 50-50 about whether to run for president. Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner and boyfriend Matt Nye just had twins via surrogate parent. New York Times writer Alex Kuczynski will have a baby via surrogate mother in April.

Penélope and Salma Took Photos They Don't Want Anyone to See

Salma and Penelope
Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek had their camera and laptop, respectively, stolen while on vacation and are now worried about pictures getting out. In yet another Scientology video, Tom Cruise takes credit for saving the lives of fireman in the aftermath of 9/11. CNN's chief national correspondent, John King, is converting to Judaism to appease the father of bride-to-be, congressional correspondent Dana Bash. Michael Keaton's real name is Michael Douglas, but he changed his surname to Keaton to avoid confusion. Chris Martin attacked a paparazzo who was shooting him and Gwyneth Paltrow leaving Mount Sinai hospital.

George Clooney Thinks Cindy Adams Is Awkwardly Nosy

George Clooney
George Clooney's response to a question asking whether he planned on marrying Sarah Lawson: "What kind of question is that to ask in front of her? Let's just say I'm fine the way I am right now, thank you." Four Seasons owner Julian Niccolini is selling his own Sauvignon Blanc, available at Dean & DeLuca. After falling ill in Israel (perhaps with dysentery), Maureen Dowd got medical attention from White House doc Richard Tubb and hitched a ride home on Air Force One. Some pro-life bloggers are angry that Vogue did a fashion shoot with a woman who got an abortion 22 weeks into her pregnancy. Diddy is hiring both a personal and an executive assistant. (One responsibility: acting as a "liaison" between the chairman and his family.) Diane Keaton ate at Michael Jordan's The Steak House in Grand Central Terminal.

Rejecting the Celebrity Transfusion

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Earlier today, we noted that the Us Weekly set seems to be migrating from Los Angeles to New York, what with Lindsay Lohan and Brangelina and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Brandon Fucking Davis all settling in, and Jennifer Aniston talking about moving. We don't know exactly why this is happening. Could the Second Gilded Age, with its luxury apartment buildings and $400 omakase menus, have created a kind of reverse gold rush, with the very rich moving here to liquidate? Are they really running from the paparazzi, as they say? Or are glare of TMZ's klieg lights, combined with the massive brown pollution cloud that hovers over Los Angeles, just really bad for your skin?

P. Diddy Fights Increasing Irrelevance With His Bare Hands

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Sean "P. Diddy" Combs punched a dude this weekend at Kiosk, presumably because he doesn't have ladyparts to flash and this is his way of getting attention. He's expected to "turn himself in" today, meaning we guess he's going to walk into the police station and slap a wad of cash on the counter. We don't know much about the guy he punched, except that he is called Steven Acevedo, he is somehow involved with fashion, and according to the Post, which wrote about the incident as though it were a scene from West Side Story the two were "love rivals." Other than a minor mention linking him with dubiously employed Steve Aoki, he's pretty unGoogleable, which is odd for a fashion guy. Which means getting clocked by P. Diddy is probably the best thing that ever happened to him. If he's not in talks for his own reality show right now, he's probably auctioning off his face on eBay. Because isn't this just the land of opportunity? Diddy to Turn Self In on Club Punch Rap [NYDN]

Sarah Silverman: ‘Don't Call Me a Rivers’

Sarah Silverman
John Updike says he moved from New York to New England to get away from the "ego-eroding literary hustle" of the city. Glamour editor Cindi Leive had a rare blowup over racially insensitive comments fashion editor Ashley Baker made while speaking to a group of African-American lawyers. Sarah Silverman confessed to Howard Stern that she got extremely upset after being mistaken for Melissa Rivers. Jimmy Fallon and Rangers teammates Sean Avery and Brendan Shanahan ate at the Waverly Inn after their season opener. Martina Navratilova and Jeffrey Lyons may or may not have left Kenjo together on West 57th Street.

Kate Hudson Is Friends With Ron Burkle?

Polish Commish Ray Kelly may be angling to become Mayor, or, if Hillary Clinton becomes President, her Homeland Security chief. A math teacher in Brooklyn got Mickey Rooney and Celeste Holm to star in his $50,000 indie romance flick. Ron Burkle hung out at Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel with Kate Hudson and two other blondes. Giselle is selling her West Village two-bedroom (replete with hot tub and grilling deck) for $10.9 million. Page Six contends that Vanity Fair is not killing a piece on Bill Clinton buddy Jeffrey Epstein and that Vogue's Meredith Melling Burke did not go around Nantucket trying to pick up townies, contrary to what Gawker says. Diddy reportedly called a door girl at Gold Bar a "fucking bitch" when she asked him how many people were in his party.

Jay-Z Smells Beautiful (He Says) at Diddy Perfume Party

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Sean "Diddy" Combs probably wasn't even aware that the air at the party for his perfume, Unforgivable Woman, smelled bad. The combination of the packed crowd and oddly rank steam machine on the fourth floor overpowered efforts by guests to have any scent of their own, unforgivable or otherwise — but Diddy was up above the clouds on the fifth floor, with Ashton Kutcher. Stuck waiting at the foot of the stairs for two hours, we asked passing celebrities what they imagined they themselves smelled like. "Oh, I smell incredibly beautiful," Jay-Z told New York. "I smell like you just got out of the shower, you have on the towel and you just got your sheets on your bed and you're laying and you wrap yourself up. I smell like that." We tried to follow up with Beyoncé, but she only had the time to say that she was "hot," which we had an easier time believing. "If a man falls in love with me, I would rather he fall in love with me than the perfume," Eartha Kitt mused. "But if you need the perfume to help you, then that's why I'm here. Because I want to see if Sean's perfume is beautiful for somebody that I would like to have." When we were finally allowed up to see His Diddyness, he deigned to answer a couple of simple questions. So what does Unforgivable smell like? "Confident, seductive, understated," he told us. After two hours at the foot of the stairs, we begged to differ. —Amy Odell

The Lohans: Reunited and It Feels So Sober

Demi Moore freaked out at the Miss Sixty fashion show when she found out her driver couldn't bring her car around. Kathleen Wiley thinks the Clintons stole a manuscript of her new book, which she says contains information that could damage Hillary's presidential bid. A photo of jet-riding "Money Honey" Maria Bartiromo and husband Jonathan Steinberg in Hamptons magazine happens to be opposite an ad titled, "Planning on Having an Affair?" Liza Minelli will sing the national anthem before the U.S. Open men's final because everyone else will be at the VMAs. Vanessa Hudgins' rep confirmed that the nude photo of her that's making the rounds is authentic. Kim Porter may still love Diddy, exhibited by the fact that she gazed into his eyes at Tenjune.

Diddy Great at Fertility, Not So Hot With Fidelity

Diddy and Kim
Sean "Diddy" Combs did indeed father a baby in Atlanta, and that's why ex-girlfriend Kim Porter finally left him after twelve years of dating. Turns out the other lady was expecting even as Porter was pregnant with Diddy's twin daughters. "He's not ready to get married," she told Essence, complaining that Diddy didn't believe in monogamy. "That's a commitment I don't think he's ready for." Memo to Sienna Miller — you've been linked with Diddy lately. Didn't you already learn your lesson with philandering older men when you dated Jude Law? Diddy Daddyhood Spurred Split with Porter [NYDN] Kim Porter on Breaking Up [Essence]

Baby Kingston Too Fugging Cute at L.A.M.B.

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At Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B. show, both of our fondest wishes came true: The clothes were totally fun, and little Kingston — all blinged out in what appeared to be bedazzled jeans, like the biggest badass in the sandbox — made an appearance, bouncing on dad — Gavin Rossdale's lap in the front row.

Diddy's Spectacular Fall From Hotness

White Party
Earlier today, we mentioned to a colleague the annual Labor Day fracas that is Diddy's White Party — yes, that beloved(ish), A-list(ish) fête at the hip-hop mogul's East Hampton home, for which all guests are required to wear white. "Did he even have the party this year?" the colleague asked, suggesting to us that Diddy's status on the social circuit has indeed taken a turn for the worse.

Sienna Miller Surprised by Her ‘Interview’ Interviews

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In her new movie, Interview, Sienna Miller plays an actress who isn't taken seriously because of her tabloid notoriety. And as she promoted the film last week, life (vaguely) resembled art: Coverage has focused on a rumored romance with her friend Sean Combs, with whom she hung out in London just days before Diddy's longtime girlfriend, Kim Porter, the mother of his newborn twins, was reported to move out of their shared apartment.

Do Not Get in Diddy's Way at the Grammys

At Rolling Stone's pre-Grammy party, Diddy bumped Grey's Anatomy cast members T.R. Knight, Kate Walsh, and Sara Ramirez from their spot in the VIP lounge; Britney exes Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline hugged it out. Timberlake also partied so hard that he had to cancel a performance at Clive Davis's party the next night. Singer Harry Connick Jr. says Anna Wintour is nothing like her character in The Devil Wears Prada. Also, Wintour-cinematically, a filmmaker working on a Vogue documentary lost footage of her at Bryant Park.

Rudy No Longer Thanking God George Bush Is Our President?

A high-level Republican official says that Rudy Giuliani, should he decide to run, won't have the blessing of Bush or Rove. Recently fired Citigroup exec Todd Thomson, who got himself in trouble for flying Maria Bartiromo around, has flown his wife to Montana, on vacation. Diddy has been partying a lot with "friend" Sienna Miller while his wife Kim Porter stays home with the twins. Martha Stewart is a Hillary supporter, and the launch of high-profile Condé Nast business mag Portfolio may not be going as smoothly as planned.

Pissed Daddy

Sean Combs threw a hissy fit when he wasn't allowed into CAA's post–Golden Globes party, may have gotten himself banned from Sunset Tower. Lindsay Lohan may have hit the bottle, and then hit rehab, after being rebuffed by James Franco. Paris Hilton's left eyelid is droopy because she once had surgery to raise her lids, and it's getting worse because she continues to wear tinted contact lenses. (We can't believe we just typed that.) British chef Marco Pierre White claims the New York Times once hired a private eye to dig up dirt on him in an unsuccessful attempt to prove he had a booze and drug problem. Hillary Clinton to throw a book party for Chuck Schumer at his favorite Chinese restaurant on Capitol Hill.