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Stupid Crime Of The Day

  1. Wisconsin Man Could Not Resist Sex With CouchOn the street.
  2. Man Fell Asleep While Robbing HouseFail.
  3. Robbers In Amazing Masks Caught After Thanking Mask-Makers They were really good.
  4. Upstate Man Shoots Buddy in LegHe asked for it.
  5. Things Not to Do If You’re a Drug MuleLeave a note in your luggage entitled “Confessions of the Mule.”
  6. Bronx Store Clerks Foil Robbery, Witnesses Wonder WhyMan, expectations have gotten really low for retail employees.
  7. When You Need a Slice, You Need a SliceAn East New York man robbed a pizza place and then returned hours later to buy (!!) a slice.
  8. High-Stakes Foxy Brown ‘Mooning’ Trial DismissedNOW what are we supposed to talk about?
  9. Frustrated Stage Actor Defaces Ed Sullivan Theater FacadeTake that, Letterman.
  10. Woman Hides NYPD License Plate in Pants, Cops Come and Get ItIt’s our stupid crime of the day!
  11. Beata Boman Really Likes Scarves, Okay?She likes to wear them around her neck, she likes to wear them as dresses, she likes to shoplift them …
  12. If You Rob a Jewelry Store Without a Mask, Don’t Go Back to Shop ThereSimple lessons.
  13. What Is Missing in This Attempted-Burglary Story?A Williamsburg man had a rude awakening this weekend.
  14. When Ripping Out Gas Pipes You Are Stealing, Don’t Light a CigaretteSounds simple, right?
  15. The Old ‘I Was Asleep While I Was Fondling a Stranger on an Airplane’ Excuse Never FliesEspecially if YOURE A RABBI.
  16. There May Be a Reason Your Meth Smells Like FeetA novel drug-trafficking technique.
  17. Don’t Punch Anybody in the Library, Even If They Are Looking at Porn on a Public ComputerYou want to interrupt that with one of your own body parts?
  18. Paz de la Huerta Charged With AssaultAnd criminal possession of a weapon!
  19. Zombie Hunter Arrested in Port Authority Bus TerminalNow we’re no longer safe from zombies coming from Toronto!
  20. Man Goes Berserk With Baseball Bat Over Fried Chicken BreastsFair enough.
  21. What’s More Terrible Than Having Sex in Your Grandmother’s Bed?Having sex in your grandmother’s bed while her dead body is stuffed in the closet.
  22. To Provide for Homeless, Self-Styled Senior Citizen Robin Hood Steals From ... the Chinese?Well, she’d be Robin Hood if Robin Hood were xenophobic.
  23. Shockingly, Hit Purchased on HitManForHire.net Was Not a SuccessWell, it was successful for the woman who was supposed to be murdered.
  24. Just Because You Are 16 Doesn’t Mean You Can ShopliftWe know this will come as news to many of you.
  25. General Advice Department: Do Not Ask Your Bail Bondsman About Bribing the JudgeStart with the court reporter.
  26. Stamford Man Is Good Example for Why It’s a Bad Idea to Stab Someone Halfway Through a HaircutDavid Davis could not let it ride.
  27. Why Is Underwear Such a Go-To Hiding Spot for People Sneaking Things on Airplanes?A 64-year-old lady sewed 1,699 $100 bills into her bloomers.
  28. Many Things Can Go Wrong When You Model Your Robbery After the Plot of SnatchFake Hasids and diamond heists.
  29. Theodora Richards Arrested for Writing With Bubble PaintOn a convent. Also, she had a bunch of drugs on her.
  30. Former President of Local Mother’s Against Drunk Driving Arrested for ... Well, GuessDrunk driving!
  31. Man Gets Fifteen Years in Prison for Stealing DeodorantHe’d been arrested 74 times before.
  32. Things That Should Never Happen Just Because Someone Ate the Last Hot PocketSlapping and kidnapping.
  33. Man Reports Own Car Stolen After Abandoning It in Police ChaseIt’s been awhile since we’ve had a good Stupid Crime of the Day!
  34. Three Teens Charged With Criminal Possesion of ... SnowballsDon’t laugh.
  35. Note: When Using Fake Bills, Do Not Keep Them in Your UnderwearThis is what we learned from today’s Stupid Crime of the Day.
  36. Man Has Car Stolen, Regains It, All in One Week on CraigslistJewish Justice!
  37. Here’s a Little Hint About What to Do With the Note You Passed to a Bank Teller Demanding CashDon’t leave it with the teller with your fingerprints on it.
  38. Hong Kong Businessman So Wealthy He Didn’t Notice New York Limo Driver Took Him for a $800,000 RideThese things just don’t happen in Kansas.
  39. When You Are a Suspect, Walking Casually Past the Police Looking for You Doesn’t Actually WorkThat’s what Salvador Avelino learned yesterday.
  40. When Stealing a Frozen Turkey, the ‘Pregnant Belly’ Approach Is Always Better Than the ‘Popeye Leg’ ApproachHe’s got a big turkey in his pants!”
  41. Rapist to Victim in Post-Attack Phone Call: ‘So, You Mad at Me?’This story will give you the chills.
  42. Hiding Under Covers Apparently Not Such a Silly Way to Foil Burglars After AllIn fact, it worked perfectly well for Katherine Garcia.
  43. Man Denies Owning Bag of Crack Found in Own ButtLet him explain.
  44. This Is What You Should Do If You Find Your Doorman Trying on Your LingerieCall the ‘Post.’
  45. New York’s Most Crooked Cabby: The TLC Is ‘Like Pontius Pilate’What does that even mean?
  46. This Is the Worst Heroin-Smuggling Plan You Have Ever HeardAnd there are a lot of bad heroin-smuggling stories.
  47. New York’s Naked Crime Spree ContinuesMichael Canaii “sauntered” down the street, screaming and smashing in car windows.
  48. Carrie Bradshaw Always Gets Her ManToday’s ‘Post’ police blotter has yet another gem.
  49. Pedro Espada Is the City’s Top LittererIs there any petty crime this guy can’t excel at?
  50. Manhattan Judge Busted With ‘Massive Porn Cache’ on Work ComputerDon’t you hate it when you forget to hit “Empty Cache”?
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