Valentine's Day is a very special holiday for certain people in New York. No, not cabdrivers with the late shift, you nasty readers. Gossip columnists! See, the way all other journalists can just phone it in over Christmas and New Year's with needless roundups and lists, these guys can devote half or all of their columns this week to silly celebrity fluff about love. If you're Rush and Molloy, for the last few weeks you've been having your stringers ask every starlet they see about their February 14 plans. If you're Cindy Adams, you just call up Baird Jones, that mysterious nightlife crawler, and have him go through his massive database of celebrity tidbits and cull out the funniest ones having to do with love (and then you throw his name in there once or twice so he can get his requisite fee from Webster Hall). Anyway, most of these items are predictable and trite, but some are actually kind of funny. Below, we've gathered for you the best (okay, most salvageable) Valentine's Day moments from the New York gossip columns! Today, as your boyfriend gives you a dozen red roses from the deli next to his apartment and takes you to the Olive Garden for an "ironic" romantic date, just think: It could be worse. You could be famous.
• Teri Hatcher knows that her daughter, Emerson Rose, was conceived on Valentine's Day! Because she and her first husband Jon Tenney "had sex once that year." Dude, can't your daughter read by now?
• Bar Refaeli says, "I don't need a big bouquet of flowers." She told "Rush & Molloy", "Maybe just one flower that you picked out on the street. Just write a card — no gifts, no dinner. I like simple things." Damn, you're Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend. What a waste!
Jerry Seinfeld says the first comic he found funny was Bozo the Clown. Model Agyness Deyn celebrated her 25th birthday at Don Hills by throwing cake at the crowd. Neil Strauss offers pick-up tips to Rush and Molloy. Pegu Club bartender Erin Williams is currently in Kittila, Lapland, competing in the tenth annual Finlandia Vodka Cup. Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman got married to a Utah redhead a foot taller and eighteen years younger (and he lost his virginity – thanks for ruining our breakfast, "Page Six"!).
They say that if you abuse somebody enough, it means that you secretly love them. But in the case of Gordon Ramsay, the man’s insufferable ego, vituperation, bombast, and general skeeviness have somehow made him almost admirable to us. (We say nothing of his food, which neither we nor anyone we know has ever eaten.) But with his latest act of effrontery, Ramsay has gone beyond the beyonds. We now have to either destroy him or marry him, because last night the Surly Scotchman actually presumed, on national television, to teach Larry King how to schmear a bagel.