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The Eighties

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A Corey Keeps Dreaming a Little Dream

Species: The Corey Etymology: Coreys, named after eighties stars Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, are a confused mash-up of the decade that refuses to die — much like their namesakes' drug habits. Distinguishing characteristics: Coreys always travel in packs of two and divide themselves along the H/F line: One is a Haim (left), the other a Feldman (right). Notice Haim's short curly hair, super-skinny legs, and piercing eyes. Feldman, the larger of the two specimens, is the wilder one. His hair is more unkempt, his wardrobe even more confused: leggings, boots, bedazzled cropped jacket. The two Coreys can't keep their clothing genres straight and instead try to pay homage to their one good decade. Known locales: Luca Lounge, hoping to get a glimpse of the real deal; Coney Island, hunting for vampires. Diet: Blow and booze (pre-hab, natch). How to approach: While Coreys may look intense, they're actually very sweet and affable. Haim is generally the nicer of the two. But to win Feldman over, just talk about him. All night. Endangerment status: At risk. Three words for you: Death by stereo. —Amina Akhtar