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Times Couplets

  1. cultural capital
    They Report, You Decide?Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Still Unsettled in Wake of New Questions What Seller Wants a Low Price? Who Says They’re Too Old to Stay in the Game? Where’s the Other Half of Your Music File? Any Wonder It Wasn’t Built in a Day? How Weird Are Your Daydreams? Time Wasted? Perhaps It’s Well Spent. Who Says Warming Is a Problem? Where Now, for the Wind? An Answer to Help Clear His Fog….? Break a Confidence? Never. Well, Hardly Ever.
  2. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Must We Pay to Drive to Midtown?Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Mayor Has New Plan to Cite Drivers Who Block the Box Ignoring the Warnings, Again? In This Clash, Both Sides Are Good: No Segways Needed. Get Moving on Traffic Relief. Get Out and Go, Erin. Go Faster!
  3. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Watch Where You’re Going!Wherein we arrange Times’ headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. The Troubles: A Walking Tour No Sleep Is Part of the Ordeal. Passing Mile Markers, Snapping Pictures Woman Falls Through Sidewalk Grate. Going Like 60 (Tick Tick Tick) The Suns Forge Ahead Without Stopping for Pity. Rescuers Try to Lure Lost Whales With Sound. 5-Year-Old Marathoner to Walk 300 Miles — Not for Kids Only, Seeking Buccaneer Bliss. A Long Road Ahead, The Last Eden. Paradise Preserved — in a Restless Continent. —Lizzie Skurnick
  4. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Undead Find You Tasty, Healthy, Too!Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. The Satire Is Biting, and So Are the Zombies Mother Nature’s Helpers Toasting the Neighbors Chasing an Old Flame, Taking No Prisoners. Channeling Group Dynamics, Fueled by the Power of Funk The Human Community Sowing the Substance of Life For Life, Sometimes. Because It’s Good for You, That’s Why! —Lizzie Skurnick
  5. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Finally Over That Whole Tea-Party ThingWherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. Back in U.S., Queen Celebrates Ex-Colony Hopper’s America, in Shadow and Light: Sometimes You Can Go Home Again. Confusion and Deception as a Royal Family Affair In a New Space and Time, a Classic Story of Tragic Love, Family Values, Betrayed. As the Climate Changes, Bits of England’s Coast Crumble Away From Her– Time’s Wounds. And the Heart’s? Yankees Find Just Enough to Get By. —Lizzie Skurnick
  6. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: The Children Are the FutureWherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. Mankind’s Appetite for Destruction in the 20th Century One Bad Swing Can Often Lead to Another: The Drama of Daytime: Friendships, Feuds and Fury; Murky Emotions Floating to the Surface, The Pressure of Great Expectations — Struggles to Regain Equilibrium. Digging for Clams and Difficult Answers (Not Any Time Soon) Seek Balance of Unity and Differences. Glimpsing the Future (and a Babe) Change the World (and That Diaper). —Lizzie Skurnick
  7. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: There’s No Place Like HomeWherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. An Anglophilic Yankee Aristocrat and His Finds Across the Pond From Asia to the Caribbean to New York, Appetite Intact, Putting Up His Dukes, for His Country, His Race and Money, Going Against the Flow. Ferry Required? No Bridge, No Problem. Solitude and the Sea… A Brutal Passage From India to Misery at Sea, and Back. Innocence or Experience? An American Tale. On Friendly Turf, Suggests History Will Be Kind to Him. —Lizzie Skurnick
  8. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Not Everyone’s Built to Be a Man-eaterWherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Manhunt Begins Hooking a Big One? Revolution Begins at the Beauty Salon. Sallie Mae Said to Talk to Suitors — No Matter the Message, It’s Delivered With Dazzle. Mixing Poise and Panache Parise Wastes Little Time in Firing Up the Devils. Sharon’s “Condition” Is Said to Improve: Statistics Show Ups, Downs and Betweens. When the Haunted One Turns Into the Hunter Paris Believes in Tears (and Love and Real Estate). From Call Girl to Kant Girl in a Flash of White Panties Giving All for Her Country but Also Feeling the Pain. —Lizzie Skurnick
  9. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Monogamy?Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. On Gilded Sharks and Loverboys Gotta Minute? So, There’s This Guy Tony … Going With the Flow. Enter an Old Rival, Again Material Muse for Some Strange Bedfellows (Latin Lovers) Creatures More Slothful Than You and Me. Three-Way Connection of Minds and Bodies; Episodes of Vanity; Whimsy Collides With Tragedy. See You in Court, Sweetie!
  10. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: A Rebellion in the Food ChainWherein we arrange times couplets in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Communing With Nature on a Grand Scale The Way the World Ends, Vividly Imagined? No Pet Left Behind: Rats in His Sights, and in His Backpack, Too Maple Leafs Fall, Crosby Lifts Penguins, A Featherless Audubon Menagerie Romping With Henry and His Rat Pack. Bulls Clinch Berth in Playoffs With the Greatest of Ease; Unusually Good Food at an Unusual Hill May Lower Scallop Population. The Vicious Victim, Pork Goes to War. —Lizzie Skurnick
  11. cultural capital
    We Welcome You, Alien Overlords Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. Government Opens U.F.O. Files Minister Critical of ‘Blond’ Envoys, A Hidden Populace in a Vacant Lot Seeking Office Where Fiction and Fact Blur. A Bittersweet Return Stirring Up Cultural Storm. Citizen of the World, How to Come Close? No Sex, Please! We’re French.
  12. cultural capital
    Better Buy a Hybrid Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret knowledge from the Gray Lady. Real Stars of Darwin’s Turf Just Like Life, With Quiet Journeys and Cosmic Whirls Call for Speed Limit Has German Blood at 178 m.p.h. Boil. Bending Toward Elegance With a Virtuosic Efficiency, Fiat Plans a Low-Cost Car. Relighting Snuffed Candles, Green Energy Enthusiasts Are Also Betting on Fossil Fuels… Between the Precise Layers, a Cultural Narrative: The Sky Is Falling. Really. The Greenness of Al Gore— Do You Know Where Your Slogan Is?
  13. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Even the Galaxy Knows Urban RenewalWherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret knowledge from the Gray Lady. Big Wishes, Easy Credit, Tough Times “A Seedy Stretch, Sure, but Worth Saving, Denizens Say— (Faith-Based Initiative). Modernity and Tradition at a Cultural Crossroads”— Where Is the Clarion Call to Arms? Winners Amid Gloom and Doom Describe How They Hope to Improve the World. (Take a Big Hit? Then Deliver a Bigger Blow.) Dividing Wall Starts to Fall … Finding Peace, and Looking for a Job, Saturn Goes Back to Warm and Fuzzy, Finds He Can Go Home Again— Goes Around, Comes Around.
  14. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Urban CowboysWherein we arrange headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Man Is Convicted of Attempted Murder as Hate Crime in Village Rampage Athlete and a ‘Cultured’ Tarzan Savior of a Crumbling Village, Dies. ‘The Rats Will Not Win,’ Chief Varmint Hunter Vows Hunting a Killer as the Age of Aquarius Dies. In the Shootout, Two Stars, One Goal— More Than Just Two Ex-Cowboys Hitting the Road for Some Hot Man-on-Bike Action, Exploring Identity as a Problematic Condition. Deconstructing the Costs, and Emotions, of Warfare Everything Crumbles Toward Eternities— The Big Meltdown A Suddenly Convenient Truth. Imagine More Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here. As Night Falls, Farmer Trades His Tractor for the Blues.
  15. cultural capital
    You Might Want to Skip LunchWherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. All the Body’s a Stage Brother Who Left Wine for Cheese, Dies — Agency Confirms That Peanut Butter Was Tainted. Boston Police to Destroy Pepper-Spray Guns: Bile and Vitriol by the Ton, and Yet Still Never Enough. As Piazza Sips Elixir of Youth, Williams Nips a Bitter Tonic — Only the Swans Know Why a Love Has Died…. Aid Sought for Fishermen: Half-Ton Squid Reeled In, A Tomato Soup Can, and a Pocketful of Coins. Let Them Eat Foie Gras (Gift Bags Are So Last Year).
  16. cultural capital
    The Post-Valentine’s Day VerdictIn which our faithful correspondent arranges Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. On a Clear Day … Looking to the Future, Living With the Past, There’s Good News and Bad News The Past Masks the Present, New Grievance Deepens Old Quarrels A Collision of Role Players on the Busy Avenue of Life, Transcending Pain, a Friendship Fed on Imagination — Adventures in Geometry and Color, as Well as Dancing, Blasts of Color, Evoking Memories Freedom from Fear? Think Small. Forget What You Know: Listen Anew — All Eyes Are on You.
  17. cultural capital
    Have Fun, Kiddies! (Just Use Protection)Wherein our faithful correspondent arranges Times headlines to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. The Romance of a Dozen Roses, the Gritty Reality of a Truckload In Defense of the Desperate (And the Notorious), Who’s Afraid of an Artist Who Loved Flowers? Relics of the 19th Century, in a Sentimental Mood He’s Bringing Commitment Back (and Not in a Box). How He Arrived at That Acquired Taste? A Turnaround Born of Pain, Now Yielding Opportunity: Sex, Repressed and Unleashed— The Big Bang and the Bucks Set to Collide in Inner Space. A Matter of Fair Play… A Cigar Isn’t Just a Cigar? Ay-Ay-Ay.
  18. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Water, Water, EverywhereIn which we assemble Times headlines in rhyme to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Slip-Sliding and Loving It— World Climate Report Is Criticized as Too Optimistic. A Tax at the Pump, Praying at the Pump, State Sues Wyoming Over Water. Bolivia’s Only Ski Resort Is Facing a Snowless Future — Houses With Saunas: The Hottest Amenity! Snow or No, It’s a Party.
  19. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Poetic Truths in the Paper of RecordWherein we arrange Times headlines in rhyme for your poetical amusement. Today’s message: Things just aren’t working out. The Rules Are Different, but a Rivalry Remains To Execute, or Not to Execute? That Is the Uneasy Question. Approach Boss With Caution: New Low on ‘Idol’?” All Together: Let’s Go, Jack. Let’s Go, Jill. A Talking Head Meets His Comic Doppelgänger, and Sparks Fail to Fly. Innovator and Master, Side by Side, Royal Ruffled by Aide and Partner; Nowhere to Turn for Shelter— Very Strange and Very Naked— Apology Not Accepted.
  20. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Poetic Truths in the Paper of RecordWherein we arrange headlines from the Times in rhyme to bring you secret communiqués from the center of the universe. Today’s message: Remember the greediest. Pfizer’s Ex-Chief to Get Full Retirement Package BlackBerry Maker’s Profit Beats Forecast $14.8 Million Bonus at Bear Stearns; A Boom Year for Mergers and a Furious Pace for Law Firms Fidelity Makes Restitution in Gifts Case: Generosity on Display — An Artful Give and Take Surviving These Blessings Is, Hey, Another Blessing Comfortable Shoes Recommended
  21. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Poetic Truths in the Paper of RecordWherein which your faithful correspondent assembles Times headlines in rhyme to bring you secret bulletins from the paper of record. Today’s message: The World Needs a Cold Shower. The French Riviera Is an Adult Playground, With a PG Side— The Netherlands: Iron Rita Sidelined; Legislators Vote for Gay Unions in N.J. Commendatore, Where the Devil Are You Taking Me? Spies, Lies and Noir in Berlin— A Woman Who Wore Couture Like a Second Skin— Albania, Europe’s Rough Corner, Loosens Up Hofstra Women Starting to Think, ‘Why Not Us?’ Administration to Drop Effort to Track if Visitors Leave High-Speed Colonoscopies; The Cost of an Overheated Planet? We’re Glad You Love Us; Don’t Overdo It.