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Times Couplets

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They Report, You Decide?

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Still Unsettled in Wake of New Questions What Seller Wants a Low Price? Who Says They're Too Old to Stay in the Game? Where's the Other Half of Your Music File? Any Wonder It Wasn't Built in a Day? How Weird Are Your Daydreams? Time Wasted? Perhaps It's Well Spent. Who Says Warming Is a Problem? Where Now, for the Wind? An Answer to Help Clear His Fog….? Break a Confidence? Never. Well, Hardly Ever.

‘Times’ Couplets: Watch Where You're Going!

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Wherein we arrange Times' headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. The Troubles: A Walking Tour No Sleep Is Part of the Ordeal. Passing Mile Markers, Snapping Pictures Woman Falls Through Sidewalk Grate. Going Like 60 (Tick Tick Tick) The Suns Forge Ahead Without Stopping for Pity. Rescuers Try to Lure Lost Whales With Sound. 5-Year-Old Marathoner to Walk 300 MilesNot for Kids Only, Seeking Buccaneer Bliss. A Long Road Ahead, The Last Eden. Paradise Preserved — in a Restless Continent. —Lizzie Skurnick

‘Times’ Couplets: Finally Over That Whole Tea-Party Thing

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. Back in U.S., Queen Celebrates Ex-Colony Hopper's America, in Shadow and Light: Sometimes You Can Go Home Again. Confusion and Deception as a Royal Family Affair In a New Space and Time, a Classic Story of Tragic Love, Family Values, Betrayed. As the Climate Changes, Bits of England's Coast Crumble Away From Her-- Time's Wounds. And the Heart's? Yankees Find Just Enough to Get By. —Lizzie Skurnick

‘Times’ Couplets: The Children Are the Future

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. Mankind's Appetite for Destruction in the 20th Century One Bad Swing Can Often Lead to Another: The Drama of Daytime: Friendships, Feuds and Fury; Murky Emotions Floating to the Surface, The Pressure of Great ExpectationsStruggles to Regain Equilibrium. Digging for Clams and Difficult Answers (Not Any Time Soon) Seek Balance of Unity and Differences. Glimpsing the Future (and a Babe) Change the World (and That Diaper). —Lizzie Skurnick

‘Times’ Couplets: There's No Place Like Home

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. An Anglophilic Yankee Aristocrat and His Finds Across the Pond From Asia to the Caribbean to New York, Appetite Intact, Putting Up His Dukes, for His Country, His Race and Money, Going Against the Flow. Ferry Required? No Bridge, No Problem. Solitude and the Sea... A Brutal Passage From India to Misery at Sea, and Back. Innocence or Experience? An American Tale. On Friendly Turf, Suggests History Will Be Kind to Him. —Lizzie Skurnick

‘Times’ Couplets: Not Everyone's Built to Be a Man-eater

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Manhunt Begins Hooking a Big One? Revolution Begins at the Beauty Salon. Sallie Mae Said to Talk to SuitorsNo Matter the Message, It's Delivered With Dazzle. Mixing Poise and Panache Parise Wastes Little Time in Firing Up the Devils. Sharon's "Condition" Is Said to Improve: Statistics Show Ups, Downs and Betweens. When the Haunted One Turns Into the Hunter Paris Believes in Tears (and Love and Real Estate). From Call Girl to Kant Girl in a Flash of White Panties Giving All for Her Country but Also Feeling the Pain. —Lizzie Skurnick

‘Times’ Couplets: A Rebellion in the Food Chain

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Wherein we arrange times couplets in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Communing With Nature on a Grand Scale The Way the World Ends, Vividly Imagined? No Pet Left Behind: Rats in His Sights, and in His Backpack, Too Maple Leafs Fall, Crosby Lifts Penguins, A Featherless Audubon Menagerie Romping With Henry and His Rat Pack. Bulls Clinch Berth in Playoffs With the Greatest of Ease; Unusually Good Food at an Unusual Hill May Lower Scallop Population. The Vicious Victim, Pork Goes to War. —Lizzie Skurnick

Better Buy a Hybrid

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret knowledge from the Gray Lady.
Real Stars of Darwin's Turf
Just Like Life, With Quiet Journeys and Cosmic Whirls Call for Speed Limit Has German Blood at 178 m.p.h. Boil. Bending Toward Elegance With a Virtuosic Efficiency, Fiat Plans a Low-Cost Car. Relighting Snuffed Candles, Green Energy Enthusiasts Are Also Betting on Fossil Fuels... Between the Precise Layers, a Cultural Narrative: The Sky Is Falling. Really. The Greenness of Al Gore— Do You Know Where Your Slogan Is?

‘Times’ Couplets: Even the Galaxy Knows Urban Renewal

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret knowledge from the Gray Lady. Big Wishes, Easy Credit, Tough Times "A Seedy Stretch, Sure, but Worth Saving, Denizens Say— (Faith-Based Initiative). Modernity and Tradition at a Cultural Crossroads"— Where Is the Clarion Call to Arms? Winners Amid Gloom and Doom Describe How They Hope to Improve the World. (Take a Big Hit? Then Deliver a Bigger Blow.) Dividing Wall Starts to FallFinding Peace, and Looking for a Job, Saturn Goes Back to Warm and Fuzzy, Finds He Can Go Home AgainGoes Around, Comes Around.

‘Times’ Couplets: Urban Cowboys

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Wherein we arrange headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. Man Is Convicted of Attempted Murder as Hate Crime in Village Rampage Athlete and a 'Cultured' Tarzan Savior of a Crumbling Village, Dies. 'The Rats Will Not Win,' Chief Varmint Hunter Vows Hunting a Killer as the Age of Aquarius Dies. In the Shootout, Two Stars, One GoalMore Than Just Two Ex-Cowboys Hitting the Road for Some Hot Man-on-Bike Action, Exploring Identity as a Problematic Condition. Deconstructing the Costs, and Emotions, of Warfare Everything Crumbles Toward EternitiesThe Big Meltdown A Suddenly Convenient Truth. Imagine More Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here. As Night Falls, Farmer Trades His Tractor for the Blues.

You Might Want to Skip Lunch

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. All the Body's a Stage Brother Who Left Wine for Cheese, DiesAgency Confirms That Peanut Butter Was Tainted. Boston Police to Destroy Pepper-Spray Guns: Bile and Vitriol by the Ton, and Yet Still Never Enough. As Piazza Sips Elixir of Youth, Williams Nips a Bitter TonicOnly the Swans Know Why a Love Has Died.... Aid Sought for Fishermen: Half-Ton Squid Reeled In, A Tomato Soup Can, and a Pocketful of Coins. Let Them Eat Foie Gras (Gift Bags Are So Last Year).

The Post-Valentine's Day Verdict

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In which our faithful correspondent arranges Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record. On a Clear Day ... Looking to the Future, Living With the Past, There's Good News and Bad News The Past Masks the Present, New Grievance Deepens Old Quarrels A Collision of Role Players on the Busy Avenue of Life, Transcending Pain, a Friendship Fed on ImaginationAdventures in Geometry and Color, as Well as Dancing, Blasts of Color, Evoking Memories Freedom from Fear? Think Small. Forget What You Know: Listen Anew — All Eyes Are on You.

Have Fun, Kiddies! (Just Use Protection)

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Wherein our faithful correspondent arranges Times headlines to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. The Romance of a Dozen Roses, the Gritty Reality of a Truckload In Defense of the Desperate (And the Notorious), Who's Afraid of an Artist Who Loved Flowers? Relics of the 19th Century, in a Sentimental Mood He's Bringing Commitment Back (and Not in a Box). How He Arrived at That Acquired Taste? A Turnaround Born of Pain, Now Yielding Opportunity: Sex, Repressed and UnleashedThe Big Bang and the Bucks Set to Collide in Inner Space. A Matter of Fair Play... A Cigar Isn't Just a Cigar? Ay-Ay-Ay.

‘Times’ Couplets: Poetic Truths in the Paper of Record

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Wherein we arrange Times headlines in rhyme for your poetical amusement. Today's message: Things just aren't working out. The Rules Are Different, but a Rivalry Remains To Execute, or Not to Execute? That Is the Uneasy Question. Approach Boss With Caution: New Low on 'Idol'?" All Together: Let's Go, Jack. Let's Go, Jill. A Talking Head Meets His Comic Doppelgänger, and Sparks Fail to Fly. Innovator and Master, Side by Side, Royal Ruffled by Aide and Partner; Nowhere to Turn for ShelterVery Strange and Very NakedApology Not Accepted.

‘Times’ Couplets: Poetic Truths in the Paper of Record

Wherein we arrange headlines from the Times in rhyme to bring you secret communiqués from the center of the universe. Today's message: Remember the greediest. Pfizer's Ex-Chief to Get Full Retirement Package BlackBerry Maker's Profit Beats Forecast $14.8 Million Bonus at Bear Stearns; A Boom Year for Mergers and a Furious Pace for Law Firms Fidelity Makes Restitution in Gifts Case: Generosity on Display — An Artful Give and Take Surviving These Blessings Is, Hey, Another Blessing Comfortable Shoes Recommended