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Timothy Sykes

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Timothy Sykes: ‘The SEC Are Rapists’

Timothy Sykes
So, we don't really know anybody at the Securities and Exchange Commission. But, statistically, we'd bet that they're mostly not sexual criminals. They're busy. But former hedge-fund manager and Internet hero Timothy Sykes begs to differ. "The SEC fucked me," he told Dealbreaker.com. "The SEC are rapists. And everyone who's been raped by them is too scared to come forward." Wow. In addition to the grammatical conundrum that this statement raises (is it, "The SEC is a rapist"?), there's the whole point that the SEC is basically out to protect the little people. You know, the ones who are the most rape-prone? But we're arguing a small point here. It's Friday, and you need someone in the financial world to ridicule who isn't your own money manager. Tim Sykes—Find Him Under ‘RichAssJew’ On MySpace — Says We Should Consider Ourselves Lucky He Closed His Fund, Otherwise We Never Would Have Heard About Him*, And What A Pity That Would’ve Been [DealBreaker] Related: Has Every Wall Streeter Gone Insane? A Graphical Guide

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Timothy Sykes Will Not Be Stopped, Gosh Darn It

Sykes
Timothy Sykes, the boy wonder who started a hedge fund when he was 18 and who learned how cruel finance and the Internet can be when it tanked when he was 24, unveiled his new project today. As befits a narcissist, it’s called TIM, for transparent capital management, and it turns out it's transparent in more than one way! Quoth Tim's newsletter:
"What I plan to do is start all over again and repeat my original feat. I'll begin with the same $12,415 in Bar Mitzvah Gift Money I originally received back in 1999 and trade my way back up to $1.65 million dollars for a second time … I'm going to describe everything I do on TimothySykes.com … I'll show everyone exactly what I'm doing so you guys can watch and interact with me while learning my strategies. The key is that I'll hold nothing back. My every move will be open to public scrutiny. I'll be using a regular discount online brokerage account to prove that anybody can do it. The goal is to help everyone learn by laying everything out there and breaking it down to the basics and i have a feeling I might enjoy proving all my naysayers wrong … It's going to be wild!
Oh, Tim. Clearly when the bullies beat you down, your mom told you that if-at-first-you-don't-succeed stuff, but did she forget to tell you all those other maxims, like "revenge is the weak pleasure of a little and narrow mind" and "pride comes before a fall"? Timothy Sykes [Official site] Related: Has Every Wall-Streeter Gone Insane?

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Has Every Wall Streeter Gone Insane? A Graphical Guide.

Maybe it's hubris brought on by the second Gilded Age, but 2007 may well go down as the Year the Wall Streeters Lost It. Just in time to coincide with our Money Issue, we've assembled a handy graphical breakdown of financial-worker malfeasance, from Albert Hsu entrapping an ex-mistress in a simulated rape-kidnapping to John Fitzgerald just plain having a monstrous ego. Spooky! —Dan Amira

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