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Today In Police Reports
Fifth-Graders Suspended for Making a ‘Bomb’
It was not a prank. They had a legitimate plan.”
Canadian Man Faces Jail Time for Smuggling Turtles in His Pants
He strapped 41 turtles around his legs and hid 10 in between.
Person Arrested After Shooting Threat in Chicago
The suspect allegedly mentioned Laquan McDonald in the online threat.
Man Wields Samurai Sword at Apple Store
He was quickly apprehended by two police officers inside the flagship store.
NYC Dentist Arrested on Child-Porn Charges
He also was allegedly a big fan of Brooklyn parties “where participants would engage in sexual intercourse with animals.”
Penn Station Shooter Snorts Up in Custody
He tried to hide the evidence under a table. It didn’t work.
FBI Not Sure Where All the Guns Stolen From Massachusetts Army Building Went Yet
Authorities don’t think the break-in had anything to do with terrorism … but still, there are assault rifles on the loose.
Darius McCollum Arrested for Stealing Bus
He told authorities he’s going after a plane next.
Alabama Police Charge 8-Year-Old Boy With Toddler’s Murder
The mother of the deceased 1-year-old has been charged with manslaughter.
FBI: Two Virginia Men Planned to Incite a ‘Race War’ by Bombing Black Churches
The men shared an esoteric religion that combines aspects of Norse mythology with white-supremacist “race science.”
N.J. Police Ask Unknown Weed Owner to Come and Get It
Someone out there is missing a whole lot of marijuana.
Woman Calls 911 for About the 75th Time This Year to Report Missing Cell Phone
Don’t worry, she found it.
Porky Pileup Puts Police in a Pickle
A truck with 2,200 piglets inside overturned in Ohio.
Drunk Man Doesn’t Need Doctors, Removes Fence From His Leg Himself
The self-surgery took place outside a “party house” in Minnesota.
Stuffed Tiger Terrorizes Town in Washington
Animal Control can’t do much for animals that have never been alive.
Two Fake Skeletons Found Having a Tea Party in the Colorado River
One, wearing sunglasses, held a sign that said “Bernie.”
Man Reports Missing Dog Poop
The dog feces was valued at $1.”