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Jesus Luz Becomes Self-aware

Watching Guy Ritchie with Madonnna's family, her current boy toy realizes he has a lot of growing up to do.

By Katie Goldsmith

Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford Split

Westwick is getting kicked out of their joint apartment because he's too messy. That, and the rest of today's essential gossip.

By Katie Goldsmith

Revenge? Ellen Barkin? Never!

Neither the auction she held to sell off the gifts her ex gave her or her new TV pilot were motivated by revenge against ex Ron Perelman. Also: Guess who Michelle Tractenberg is dating?

By Jessica Pressler

Awkward! ‘Cosmo’ Honorees Realize They Are All One Degree of Sexaration

Cosmo
Like at any media party, the room at yesterday's lunch at Cipriani for Cosmo's "fun, fearless" men awards was full of people who had all slept with the same person. "We know the common thread," Dane Cook told USA Today. "We realize." Cook, who used to date Jessica Simpson, was speaking of fellow honorees John Mayer, who also dated Simpson, and Tony Romo, who is currently dating her. Creepy! No wonder lady went to Kuwait this week. "Along the red carpet, I was asked about twenty times what makes a fun and fearless male," Romo said, awkwardly. "I didn't really have an answer, but then I got to thinking…Dane Cook…John Mayer… If you dig Jessica Simpson, I guess you get to do this." Then rapper Common, awesomely, accepted his award by saying, "Thank you for this award. I haven't hooked up with Jessica Simpson, but I still earned it." Jessica Simpson's Boyfriends Meet in New York [HuffPo]

Pepsi's Super Bowl Ad Drags Justin Through NYC

Justin Timberlake Superbowl Ad
Click above to witness Pepsi's latest Super Bowl effort. As usual, their big ad involves a celebrity doing something slightly embarrassing and vaguely funny — remember Jimmy Fallon and Parker Posey awkwardly dancing on cars? Or Diddy driving a Pepsi delivery truck? Or Britney Spears and Beyoncé as Gladiators? (Okay, that last one was awesome). But this one features an extended cameo by our favorite lady of all, New York City. Justin Timberlake starts out the commercial with some friends at his NYC restaurant, Southern Hospitality. He's mysteriously yanked out the door and dragged up the side of a building (where SNL star Andy Samberg makes a predictably uncomfortable cameo). Then he's thrown into the Hudson River near Chelsea and pulled into the suburbs (where he runs into Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and gets hit in the head with a flat-screen TV). We're not really sure about the message of this ad, but anything that involves a celebrity getting dunked in the Hudson makes us happy. If not particularly thirsty. Pepsi USA [Official site]

Diane Sawyer Forgets to Ask Katie Holmes About the Hubbasperm

Katie Holmes
Diane Sawyer interviewed Katie Holmes on Good Morning America yet neglected to ask her about the rumor that she was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard's sperm. New York Giants Plaxico Burress, Antonio Pierce, and Ruben Droughns went to Home nightclub in Manhattan after flying back from Dallas and ordered $1,000 of Bacardi, vodka, and Champagne, but forgot to tip their waitress. Waiters at Brasserie 44 in the Royalton Hotel thought they discovered Frank Bruni's notebook, but it turned out to belong to someone else (and they slipped in some Bruni ass-kissing to boot!). Jil Scott picked up a male model at an Allure fashion shoot and took him to Nobu. Keith Olbermann's quote to Playboy that "Fox News is worse than Al-Qaeda" did not go over well with many of the magazine's readers.

The Seth Tobias Case Gets (A Little Bit) Hairier

Seth Tobias
A gay porn star named Angel is now claiming that he used to shave deceased gay hedge-fund manager Scott Tobias's genitals. New York Giant Michael Strahan said that he wouldn't mind dating Tony Romo's girlfriend, Jessica Simpson. Oprah Winfrey showed up to watch Chaka Khan's Broadway debut in The Color Purple. Robert Kennedy wants Hillary Clinton to remain in the public life even if she loses her presidential bid. Donna Karan failed a bunch of her classes at Parsons, including typing and draping. Jim Neal is coming to New York to raise money for his Senate run in North Carolina (he's gay!).

The Fug Girls: Since When Is Jessica Simpson a Spinster?

Jessica
Now it really stinks to be Jessica Simpson. When her new boyfriend, Tony Romo, played his worst football game of the season in her presence, tabloids and his teammates alike christened her a walking curse. And last week, the cover of Us deemed her "Tortured by Regret" on the premise that she bailed on her marriage and now can't keep a man. Essentially, at the ripe old age of 27, she's been deemed a washed-up dud. We don't even like her, and we think that's rotten.

Underwear Model Hits the Floor

A publicist for model Annabel Vartanian claims that the model fainted at a La Perla party because "she wore herself out," not because she has an eating disorder. Kim Cattrall is donating all the furs she wore in the Sex and the City movie to PETA, which in turn will give them to charity. Cindy Adams is taking credit for breaking Enquirer's John Edwards–is–having–an–affair story. East Village landmark dive bars Sophie's and Mona's are both going up for sale after the holidays. Police commish Ray Kelly says he won't make a decision about running for mayor until after the presidential scrum plays out. Donald Trump will be David Letterman's first guest back when he goes live on January 2. Model Selita Ebanks, who may have been dating James Blake, was at a Knicks game with Giants lineman Osi Umenyira.

The Nine Media Lives of Tina Brown

Tina Brown
Tina Brown signed a deal to develop story ideas and shows for HBO. Donny Deutsch celebrated his 50th-birthday party at the Jazz at Lincoln Center with lobster tail and foie gras. Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman are having trouble yachting around on their Caribbean honeymoon because there's a massive fuel strike on St. Barts. (Weinstein's friends also sent him a lot of video congratulations on the day of his wedding.) Lydia Hearst is mad that her name is being attached to Darfur awareness events without her permission. Gay activist Allen Roskoff keeps George Bush toilet paper at his Jane Street apartment.

Heath Ledger Has a Supermodel in His Sights

Heath
Heath Ledger has been stalking Gemma Ward around town and also tried hitting on (taken) Heather Graham. The server who brought Chelsea Clinton the wrong appetizer at Irving Mill may or may not have been fired. Calvin Klein is vandalizing his Houston Street billboard for the opening of the New Museum on the Bowery. NBC honcho Jeff Zucker doesn't want the strike to end because retail advertisers have already bought up ad space, and now production costs are zero. Kimora Lee Simmons was overheard saying that the reason she invited Russell Simmons's new girlfriend, Porschla Coleman, to meet the "major players" at Simmons's birthday last month is because she "wants this stupid bitch to get a clue." Seagram heir Edgar Bronfman Jr. just bought an $18.75 million condo in the Carhart mansion on East 95th Street.