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Conan's Stalker Loves Fellini, Jesus

Conan
We learn today that Conan O'Brien has a stalker, which is no big news. David Letterman had one before Conan was even a twinkle in NBC's eye. But what's interesting here is that Conan's stalker is a Catholic priest. A totally scary Catholic priest, in the awesomest way. In Father David Ajemian's letters to Conan, some written on parish letterhead, he comes out with quotes like this:
“I’m told by some of those officious little usher people that you’re overbooked. Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans? You owe me big-time, pal. I want a public confession before I even consider giving you absolution.”
Wow, we never before thought of confession and absolution in such a terrifying/erotic way. (There are other letters where he issues veiled threats at Conan's life, which are, you know, less funny, like when he compares himself to the Virginia Tech killer.) Other fun facts about Ajemian? Well, when he was ordained, the Boston Herald said he was a “turned on to religion partly by Federicio Fellini’s 1960 film La Dolce Vita." Oh, yeah, and he went to college with Conan. Yeah, that's right. Harvard: just as unscrupulous with admission as the Catholic clergy. Priest Jailed in Stalking of Conan O’Brien [NYT]

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No Good News

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• It pales in comparison to Virginia, but it shouldn't: A disturbed Queens man killed his mother and two others before killing himself. The mother is said to have called the police seven times seeking protection, the last time minutes before her death. [NYDN] • The Virginia Tech gunman addressed his manifesto to "30 Rockefeller Avenue, NY, NY 10102" — and it still made it to NBC: the one package that would probably be better off lost. [NYT] • Oh, great, look who's coming to Manhattan: JCPenney. The company will open a 150,000-square-foot store in the midtown. A Lower East Side branch is surely to follow by, oh, 2012. [CNN Money] • The Times produces a think piece on the New Jersey Governors Who Speed, interviewing a Christie Whitman staffer and Thomas Kean. The consensus is that speeding is "just part of the culture." [NYT] • And the final bummer on a wretched morning: The Gowanus whale is dead. Surprisingly, not from poisoning; the poor thing struck a "rocky ridge." We suspect suicide. [NYP]

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Ann Bass Was Robbed

Socialite Ann Bass, ex-wife of billionaire investor Sid Bass, and artist boyfriend Julian Lethbridge were robbed at their tony Connecticut estate. Richard Nixon's daughter Tricia couldn't bring herself to attend Frost/Nixon. Rutgers women's basketball coach Vivian Stringer signed a lucrative deal to write an autobiography. Alec and Stephen Baldwin split some macaroni and cheese while bowling. Madonna ex Carlos Leon hooked up with model Kat Forseca at the Bowery Hotel. Josh Lucas hooked up with a writer from Harper's Bazaar at the Gramercy Park Hotel. Christine Ebersole once bribed a cop with $100. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony plan to file libel suits against the National Enquirer in Europe, where their odds of victory are higher. Chloë Sevigny writes about her wild youth in the introduction to a friend's memoir.

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