Put me in, coach?
A man's gotta keep busy, after all.
You can't keep Charlie Sheen down for long.
"Work on your impulse control."
Out of, um, friendly spite.
The 'Two and a Half Men' creator ribs his star, and writes him a sad, sad poem.
Because he's "ready" to go back to work, and they're not.
And drink chocolate milk.
Because when he went to rehab, they temporarily lost their jobs.
He's released a statement, and it's kind of weird.
It's not the financial catastrophe it's made out to be, but it could be a personal one.
'Mike and Molly' and 'Rules of Engagement' may help fill the void left by 'Two and a Half Men.'
Maybe $250 million.
But Lindsay Lohan is worried.
"We are profoundly concerned for his health and well-being," says a CBS rep.
The "suitcase of coke" is not to blame.
For abdominal pains.
Plus, Amy Poehler's stock photo modeling career comes back to haunt her, on our regular late-night roundup.
"I have a high level of concern," says CBS chief Nina Tassler. "How could we not?"
He refuses to go to rehab, but CBS is concerned.
Sled dog urine is very rare.
'Two and a Half Men' isn't dirty ha-ha, it's dirty depressing.
Because that's all it was, guys.
More Jimmy McMillan mileage. Eat his dust, landlords.
Imagine if this superman used his invincibility powers for good.