The movie has an aura of hipness and a cast to die (in a hail of gunfire) for, but nothing can quite get it airborne.
What female star wouldn’t jump at such Oscar bait? Prepare the net: Here comes Hilary Swank!
Oh, the vile, sick, sadistic, despicable, depraved depths to which I will go.
"To dismiss Phoenix's latest role because it’s not 'real' is to miss out on the charge of watching an actor play footsy with his own, barely corralled dementia."
In Monday's issue, David Edelstein reviews the "golden turd" that is Julia Roberts's 'Eat Pray Love.'
"Cera is a superhero for an indecisive generation, which might work if the disjunction were played for satire."
"What 'Salt' lacks in coherence it makes up in centrifugal force."
"The tone is so solemn I felt out of line even cracking a smile."
"It begins with the nightmarish manic gaiety of 'Mamma Mia!,' with strenuous lockjawed smiles that make you think you’re watching stroke victims."
And more from the magazine's critics.
"To fight the charges of Puritanism, I guess I have to haul out my pervert-atheist credentials and support for legal marijuana."
"These days, I don't believe that the anti-smoking crusaders are so out of line, at least in their demand that movies with cigarettes get an automatic 'R' rating."
In one of them, he proclaims 'The Lovely Bones' to be the worst film of 2009.
Mainly because Cameron "understands the value of GIGANTISM and AWESOMENESS."
"Weitz’s compositions have no spark, though, and his pacing is so flaccid that you’re going to need the electricity of a live, first-weekend audience to stay charged up."
"'2012' rides in on and reinforces an especially idiotic wave of evangelical doomsday predictions with supposed roots in the Mayan calendar, and it’s too trivial to live."
"It's vivid, illuminating, and sometimes — more often than you’d think possible — inspiring."
"It turns out what they say about Willem Dafoe is true: The man has a schlong the size of an oil tanker."
"Now, there will be a lot of grandstanding by idiots, who will say that Polanski is worse than the likes of Peter Braunstein and should be thrown in prison for the remainder of his life."
"It's sprawling, scattershot, sniggery, and, in one instance, exploitative. It's brazenly one-sided. But ..."
David Edelstein, too, is disappointed 'Final Destination 3-D' and 'Halloween II' won't be screened for critics.
"Of all the big, commercially successful American auteurs, he has always seemed to me the most mysterious, the most conflicted, the most unfulfilled."
You've read David Edelstein's reviews of 'Harry Potter 6' and '(500) Days of Summer' — but have you read them with footnotes?
"I don’t have much nice to say about 'Transformers 2,' but I’m happy to see my Park Slope neighbor John Turturro get another big paycheck."
David Carradine didn’t seem given to advance planning, career calculation, or control. He was the anti–Tom Cruise.