Quick, someone check Paul Dergarabedian's pulse!
It's nothing short of spectacular.
Muggles everywhere, rejoice!
It certainly didn't go to securing the world's best actors, that's for sure.
We hope you like terrible headlines like the one above because 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' is once again No. 1 at the box office!
Paul D. sold Media by Numbers!
With the record-breaking success of 'The Dark Knight' this summer, 'Bangkok Dangerous' finally gives Paul D. an easy weekend.
'Knight' made $25 million on Monday. We certainly hope Paul D. brought his phone with him to the beach!
The latest Batman film earned $155 million in three days, and Paul D., astoundingly, did not explode.
How can you avert the horrible explosion of poor Paul Dergarabedian?
The Vulture Department of Predicting the Future is pleased to reveal the critical reaction and box-office results of summer 2008's biggest popcorn flicks.
Plus: Bill Watterson, The Hobbit sequel, and Michel Gondry's next project.
Paul D. on the success of Saw IV.
Fox Business News brings our favorite quote machine back to the forefront of entertainment news.
Plus: News about Nas and Radiohead!
"Tyler Perry is a mogul," Paul Dergarabedian helpfully explains.
Plus news on Cloverfield, VH1, and Paul Dergarabedian.
Despite Vulture's very best efforts, Shoot 'Em Up was a box-office dud, bringing in just $5.45 million since opening on Friday.
"PAUL DERGARABEDIAN HAS HIT THE BIG TIME!"
Paul D. usually only works on Sundays, when he says nsipid things to reporters about the box office results, but he took time out of his six-day weekend today to talk to an AP reporter named Sandy Cohen (like the dad from The OC!) about Wilson:
Yesterday, the summer of 2007 made box-office history, passing the $4 billion mark to become the highest-grossing summer movie season of all time. And no one was more excited than our friend, Paul D.
Superbad, the greatest movie in history, dick-joked its way past the competition to become the weekend's highest-grossing film. But to what can we attribute to its success? Paul D.'s on the case.
We do Paul D.'s job for him.
Paul D. scores a hat trick.