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Why They Hate Us

  1. Why They Hate Us, Part XXVISomeone bought a twenty-year-old tub of “McJordan BBQ Sauce” for $10,000. 
  2. New York City Buildings Doing Their Part to Combat the Avian MenaceBut have they gone too far?
  3. The Flewgitive Returns to CaptivityOur minutes of terror are finally over.
  4. Loose Peacock Terrorizes Upper East SideThe Flewgitive!
  5. Terrifying Turtle Stampede Delays Flights at JFKThis again?
  6. One Day, These Will Grow Up to Try to Eat the Yorkie Right Out of Your HandbagThe MTA released another round of photos of baby falcons on our bridges.
  7. Commuter Plane Kills One Bird in Apparent AltercationThe battle continues.
  8. Warning: After Reading This, You Will Want Ken Jennings to Be Your New Best NerdProbably.
  9. Seven Mile Kill Zones Unlikely to Stop Wanton Goose TerrorismOne step closer to the dream of a goose-less city.
  10. Protesters Object to Mayor Bloomberg, Perpetrator of the Goose GenocideAnd they do it outside his house!
  11. Mayor Bloomberg on Geese: It’s Us Versus ThemThe mayor is drawing a line in the sand here: Sticky’s on one side, the human race is on the other.
  12. Government’s Goose Genocide Just Getting StartedUm, that’ll show ‘em — but it’s sick.
  13. Well, There Goes Sticky.Four hundred geese were rounded up and gassed last week in Prospect Park.
  14. Without Human Intervention, Sticky Removes Arrow From Own NeckDon’t question how he did it.
  15. Sticky, the Prospect Park Goose, Soon Won’t Be Able to EscapeThe city will wait until he molts, at which point they will try to remove the arrow from his neck. So they say.
  16. Prospect Park Goose Maybe Just a Total BadassGoose is way less bothered about the arrow in his neck than humans who are chasing him.
  17. Somebody Shot a Goose Through the Neck in Prospect ParkSo far, he’s fine.
  18. Killer Bird in a BasketLook at this adorable, fluffy, RAPTOR.
  19. Pigeon-Kidnapping Spree Hits New YorkSomeone noticed that the birds have been going missing.
  20. Humans Winning War on Geese!For NOW.
  21. Flock of Geese Tried to Take Down Newark Flight to ChinaLuckily, there were reporters aboard.
  22. ‘Mad Emu’ Attacks Texas PolicemenHave you ever seen an angry emu? It is not a pretty sight.
  23. Bronx Man Looking for Home for Feral ChickensDo not let them into your home!
  24. Wild Chickens Take Over Bronx HighwayThat’s right, wild chickens. And they roost in TREES.
  25. Plane Flying Religious ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ Banner Crash-LandsThis was basically asking for it.
  26. A Moose Attacked a Woman on the Lower East SideThat’s how we would tell the story, at least.
  27. Connecticut Won’t Press Charges Against Chimp OwnerSandra Herold, the Connecticut woman whose pet chimpanzee, Travis, attacked her friend, is off the hook in at least one respect.
  28. Why Is This Goose Missing Most of Its Beak?Flock justice, we imagine.
  29. A Beaver Peed in This Lady’s EyeOn national television.
  30. On the Matter of the Micro-PigletsThey just might make the perfect pet. Or will they turn on you? They’re so cute; we’re so torn.
  31. Never Let a Monkey See You SweatHow not to be terrorized by monkeys, should you come into contact with them.
  32. Mayor Bloomberg Attacked by Birds!Revenge for Goosenacht?
  33. Mutant Rabbits, Assorted Other Fantastical Creatures Living Near JFK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  34. Central Park Accident Proves Trees Are Out to Get UsOne of New York’s brightest is in critical condition because he was attacked by some local flora.
  35. Monster Shark Tries to Attack Long Island, FailsA 24-foot-long sea beast beached itself on a Long Island shore earlier today. Humans were only mildly thwacked.
  36. Even Turtles Have Turned Against Us!Mourning the loss of thousands of Canadian geese, a pack of wild turtles occupied a runway at JFK today. (No, seriously.)
  37. Birds Counterattack After City-Sponsored SlaughterIt’s just like Obama says — if you punish suspects without a fair trial, you’re just going to breed more terrorism.
  38. Rounding Up of Flightless Accused Goose Terrorists BeginsDid we learn nothing from Guantánamo?
  39. Bloomberg: Geese Not Dead, Only SleepingAnd they have nice dreams!
  40. City Planning Massive Goose GenocideThis was not what we meant when we urged the government to take action.
  41. Goose Attack on Flight 1549 Was ‘Warning Shot,’ Says ExpertEventually, something is going to happen.”
  42. Chimps Living as Humans Are Actually an American TraditionThe ‘Times’ tells us a sweet story about a man reconnecting with a childhood pet-sister.
  43. Wild, Southern Animal Invades Bronx HomeThis is definitely not a good sign.
  44. Toilets of TerrorAn incident at Citi Field sheds light on the commode’s dark history.
  45. Eerie New Photos From the ‘Miracle on the Hudson’Removal of the wreckage provides a sobering reminder of just how dangerous birds can be.
  46. Birds Set Beady Eyes on Electrical System, Plunging Parts of City Into Darkness, ChaosAn explosive piece in today’s New York ‘Times’ reminds us of the true threat facing America.
  47. The Birds Have Mastered TechnologyThis is bad. Very bad.
  48. Finally, We Are Winning the War on TerrorAccording to a report released today, nearly a third of U.S birds are endangered, threatened, or in “significant decline.”
  49. Chimps Stockpiling Weapons, Planning AttacksChilling news: Chimps are planning attacks in advance.
  50. Birds Launched Multipronged Holiday AttacksThey’re getting desperate!
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